Boss: "Oh, sorry, not that much."
"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay.
The next day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"
Boss: "Sorry, there is still no"
"well. . . "The little white rabbit left in dismay again.
On the third day, the little white rabbit skipped to the bakery. "Boss, do you have a hundred steamed buns?"
The boss said happily, "Yes, yes, we have a hundred buns today! ! "
The little white rabbit took out the money: "Great, I'll buy two!" " "
There is a little white rabbit running happily in the forest.
On the way, it met a giraffe who was rolling marijuana.
The white rabbit said to the giraffe, "Giraffe Giraffe, why did you do something that hurt yourself?"
Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "
The giraffe looked at the marijuana and the white rabbit and threw it behind him.
Running in the forest with rabbits.
Later, they met an elephant who was about to take cocaine.
The white rabbit said to the elephant, "elephant, elephant, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?"
Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "
The elephant looked at the cocaine and the white rabbit and threw the cocaine behind him.
Running in the forest with rabbits and giraffes.
Later, they met a lion who was about to fight.
The white rabbit said to the lion, "Lion, lion, why do you want to do something that hurts yourself?"
Look at how beautiful this forest is. Let's run in nature together! "
The lion looked at the syringe and the white rabbit and threw the syringe behind him.
Rushed over and gave the white rabbit a good beating.
The elephant and giraffe trembled with fear: "why did you hit the white rabbit?"
It is so kind, cares about our health and makes us close to nature. "
The lion said angrily, "This son of a bitch pulls me every time he eats ecstasy."
Running around the forest like an idiot. "
On the first day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river, caught nothing and went home.
The next day, the little white rabbit went fishing by the river again, but found nothing and went home.
On the third day, the little white rabbit just arrived at the river, and a big fish jumped out of the river and shouted at the little white rabbit:
If you dare to use carrots as bait again, I will kill you!
In order to test the strength of the police in the United States, Hongkong and Chinese mainland, the United Nations put three rabbits in three forests to see who could find them first.
In front of the first forest is the American police. They first spent a whole half-day meeting to formulate a battle plan and strictly divide the work, and then sent special forces to quickly enter the forest for a carpet search. As a result, the meeting was delayed, the rabbit ran away and the task failed!
Then it's the turn of the Hong Kong police. They sent 100 people and dozens of police cars to line up outside the forest. The leader shouted with a megaphone: "Rabbit, rabbit, you are surrounded, come out and surrender ..." Half a day passed, but nothing happened. Flying Tigers entered the forest to search again, and the mission failed!
Finally, there are only four policemen in China. They played mahjong all day. At dusk, a man walked into the forest with a baton. Less than five minutes later, he heard an animal scream from the forest. The policeman in China came out laughing and talking with a cigarette in his mouth, dragging a black bear behind him. The bear was dying and said, "Stop playing, I'm a rabbit ..."
The little white rabbit met a wolf while walking in the forest. He came up and put two big ear stickers on the little white rabbit and said, "I told you not to wear a hat." The little white rabbit left very grievance.
The next day, she skipped out of the house wearing a hat and met the wolf again. He came up and gave the white rabbit two big mouths and said, "I told you to wear a hat."
Tutu is depressed. After thinking for a long time, I finally decided to complain to the king of the forest, Tiger.
After explaining the situation, the tiger said, "OK, I see. I will handle this matter, so trust the organization." On the same day, the tiger found his partner wolf. "It is wrong for you to do so. It is very difficult for me. " Then he wiped the dust off the table: "Do you think this will work?" You can say, Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat! She found the fat one, and you said you wanted the thin one. She found a thin one, and you said you wanted a fat one. So you can hit her. Of course, you can also say that. Tutu, come and find me a woman. She found plump ones, and you said you liked slim ones. She found a slim one, and you said you liked the plump one. You can beat her. It is both reasonable and powerful. "The wolf nodded and clapped his hands, and the reverence for the tiger once again reached a new peak. Unexpectedly, the above instructions were heard by the little white rabbit who was weeding the tiger's house outside the window. I hate this in my heart.
The next day, the little white rabbit went out again. What a coincidence! It's the big bad wolf coming. The wolf said, "Tutu, come and find me a piece of meat." Tutu said, "So, do you want to be fat or thin?" The wolf listened, his heart sank and he was happy again. He said, fortunately, there is a plan B. He added, "Tutu, Mary, find me a woman." Tutu asked, "So, do you like plump or slim?" The wolf was silent for 2 seconds and raised his hand to give Tutu two big ear stickers. "Shit, I told you not to wear a hat."
Bears and rabbits shit in the forest. After that, the bear asked the rabbit, "Have you lost your hair?" The rabbit said, "Don't drop it ~"
So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass.
A rabbit molested a wolf (this rabbit is very strong).
Then he ran away and the wolf chased him angrily.
The rabbit will catch up with the wolf when it sees it.
He sat under a tree,
Put on sunglasses and read the newspaper.
Pretend nothing happened,
Then the wolf came and saw the rabbit sitting under the tree.
Q: "Did you see a rabbit running past!"
The rabbit replied, "Did the rabbit tease the wolf?"
The wolf shouted, "No way! It's in the newspaper so soon! ! ! "
One day, a little white rabbit came to a shop and asked the boss, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"
The boss shook his head: "No."
The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.
The next day, the little white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"
The boss shook his head angrily: "No."
The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.
On the third day, the white rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"
The boss shouted angrily, "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "
The little white rabbit ran away with a whoosh.
The fourth day, the little white rabbit came to this shop again and asked timidly, "Boss, do you have pliers?"
The boss said, "No."
The white rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?"
I don't know how many days later, a little black rabbit came to this shop and asked the boss, "boss, do you have any carrots?"
The boss shook his head angrily: "No."
The little black rabbit ran away after hearing it.
The next day, the little black rabbit came to the shop again and asked, "Boss, do you have any carrots?"
The boss was very angry: "No, no! Ask me again and I'll pull out your tooth with pliers! "
The little black rabbit ran away after hearing it.
On the third day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked timidly, "boss, do you have pliers?"
The boss said angrily, "No."
The little black rabbit then asked, "Do you have any carrots?"
The boss got angry, grabbed the little black rabbit, took out a small hammer and knocked out the little black rabbit's teeth.
The fourth day, the little black rabbit came to the store again and asked vaguely, "Boss, do you have carrot juice?"
Giraffe said, "Little Rabbit, I hope you know how good it is to have a long neck. No matter what I eat, I will slowly pass through my long neck, and that kind of delicious food can be enjoyed for a long time. "
The rabbit looked at him blankly.
"Also, in summer, rabbits, cold water slowly flows through my long neck, which is delicious. What a long neck! Rabbit, can you imagine? "
The rabbit said slowly, "Have you ever vomited?"
One day, a kangaroo was driving on a country road, and suddenly he saw a white rabbit in the middle of the road, with his ears and body almost on the ground, as if listening to something. ...
So .. Kangaroo stopped the car and asked curiously, "What are you listening to, Little White Rabbit?"
"A big truck passed here half an hour ago ..."
"Wow .. so God! .. how do you know? .."
"He XX! That's how my neck and legs are broken .. "
Walking in the forest, the ant suddenly met an elephant. The ant burrowed into the soil and stretched out a leg.
The little white rabbit was curious and asked, What are you doing?
The ant whispered to it:
Shh ... don't make a sound, watch me trip. ...
One day, the rabbit was writing in front of a cave, and a wolf came up and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?"
The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper."
The wolf asked again, "What topic?"
The rabbit replied, "I'm writing about how rabbits eat wolves."
The wolf laughed and said he didn't believe it.
The rabbit said, "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave and the rabbit continued to write in front of the cave. Then another fox came over and asked, "Rabbit, what are you writing?"
The rabbit replied, "I'm writing a paper."
The fox asked, "What topic?"
The rabbit replied, "How does the rabbit eat the fox?"
The fox laughed after hearing this, expressing disbelief.
The rabbit said, "Come with me." Then he took it into the cave. After a while, the rabbit went out of the cave alone and continued to write his paper.
At this time, in the cave, a lion is sitting on a pile of bones and picking his teeth, while reading the rabbit's paper: the ability of an animal depends not on its strength, but on who is its boss behind the scenes!
In a mental hospital, one day the dean wanted to see how three mental patients were recovering, so he put a white rabbit in front of each of them. The first mental patient sat on the rabbit, grabbed the rabbit's ear and shouted "Drive". The dean shook his head. The second man turned his back on the white rabbit, patted its ass and said, "Chase it for me". The dean sighed. The third crouched there, touching the white rabbit assiduously. After reading it, the dean nodded with satisfaction, only to hear him say, "sample, let you walk 300 meters, and I will chase you after washing the car!" " Dean fell down and passed out. ...
The white rabbit and the big bear squatted under the tree and shit.
Bear said to the white rabbit, although you white rabbits are good-looking, you are in trouble! You can tell when it's dirty. That's disgusting!
The little white rabbit said, look at what you said! Isn't it?
Bear said, yes! Bear said as he grabbed the white rabbit and wiped his ass and walked away.
The little white rabbit and the big bear were walking in the forest and accidentally kicked over a jar.
An elf came out of the pot and said that he could satisfy their three wishes.
The bear said, turn it into the strongest bear in the world. Its wish has come true.
The little white rabbit said, give it a small helmet. Its wish has also come true.
The bear said, turn it into the most beautiful bear in the world. Its wish has come true again.
The little white rabbit said, give it a bike. Its wish has come true again.
The bear said, turn all other bears in the world into bitches!
The little white rabbit got on the bike and said as he ran, turn this bear into a homosexual. ...
Three white rabbits picked a mushroom.
The two big ones let the small one get some wild vegetables to eat together.
The younger one said I wouldn't go. If I leave, you will eat my mushrooms.
The two older ones said no and went ~ ~ ~
Half a year has passed, and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. The big one can't come back. Let's eat.
The other big one said wait ~ ~ ~
A year has passed and the white rabbit hasn't come back yet. Don't wait for us to eat.
Just then, the little white rabbit suddenly jumped out of the nearby jungle and said angrily, Look! I know you want to eat my mushrooms.
1. Once upon a time, a man fished and caught a squid.
Squid begged him: let me go, don't bake me to eat.
The man said, well, let me ask you a few questions.
Squid is very happy to say: you take the exam!
Then the man roasted the squid. ..
2: I used to have schizophrenia, and now we have recovered.
An international student is taking a driver's license test in America, and the road sign ahead prompts him to turn left. He is not sure, ask the examiner:
"Turn left?"
A: "Yes"
So ... hang up. ..
4: One day, Mung Bean committed suicide, jumped down from the fifth floor, shed a lot of blood and became a red bean; It has been squeezed dry and turned into soybeans; The wound was scarred and finally turned into black beans.
Xiaoming cut his hair and came to school the next day. The students all laughed when they saw his new hairstyle: Xiao Ming, your head is a kite! Xiao Ming felt very wronged and ran outside to cry. Crying and crying ~ he flew away ...
6: There is a man who looks like an onion, crying while walking.
7. Little Penguin asked Grandma one day, "Grandma, am I a penguin?" "Yes, of course you are a penguin." The little penguin asks his father again, "Dad, Dad, am I a penguin?" "Yes, you are a penguin. What's wrong? " "But, but why do I feel so cold?"
8: A pair of corn fell in love …
So they decided to get married …
On the wedding day ...
One corn can't find another corn …
This corn asks the popcorn next to it: Have you seen our corn?
Popcorn: Honey, I'm wearing a wedding dress.
9: In the music class, the teacher played a Beethoven tune.
Xiaoming asked Xiaohua, "Do you know music?"
Xiaohua: "Yes"
Xiaoming: "Do you know what the teacher is playing?"
Xiaohua: "Piano."
1 Where do users like to turn off their phones?
Ningbo
Because someone said: Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is power off. . .
2. Which two kinds of vegetables use mobile phones? Radish cabbage
3. Who does Phelps admire most from China?
Ba Jin
One day, eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed a lot. It wiped its nose and said angrily, "Here we go again.
* * * is taking a group photo! "
5. The old leader lamented:
How happy you are,
Missing is everywhere,
I was on a business trip then. Not only did I not miss,
When I came back, the family of seven people crowded together.
Want to make out?
Sprinkle some sugar outside the door,
Shout again:
"Children, let me hold your mother and grab candy! ! ! "
6. Where do mobile phone users like to go best?
Jilin Tonghua
Sorry, the subscriber you dialed is busy.
7. Doctor ~ Come and see me! I have amnesia!
When did you find out that you had this disease?
What disease? ...
8. One day, a coffee cup and a glass were walking on the road at the same time. Suddenly someone shouted from behind: "Look out, there is a car!" " "
As a result, the glass was crushed . . Coffee cup is very good. Why?
Because coffee cups have ears, but glasses don't.
9. What is your annual salary?
B: Eight million.
A: There were 800,000 that month.
Yes, this is the basic salary.
A: Not bad. What do you do?
B: Dreaming.
10. What's your last name?
My name is Wei.
Wei what?
Why not? My father's surname is Wei, so my surname is Wei ~
1 1. In front of a Lanzhou Lamian Noodles,
"Boss, pull the noodles!"
"If you dare to eat, I will dare to pull!"
"……"
Who lives in the dark?
Tinker bell (because he can't see his fingers)
13. A child and his father went to the public bathhouse to take a bath.
Because the ground was wet, the little guy slipped.
In desperation, I grabbed his father's penis and didn't slip.
But it seriously hurt his father, who scolded, "Son of a bitch,
If you come with your mother, you will be killed. "
14. A male deer ran faster and faster on the road and finally became a high-speed male deer.
A cautious male deer ran faster and faster on the road, and finally became a cautious high-speed male deer.
15 .. cars can fly.
Guess a drink ...
Because ... (car)-(plane)
16. I want one
Why do Mr. and Mrs. Bush always use female bosses when they do ML?
Because George W. Bush always gets up!
17.26 letters How many letters are left after E and T are removed?
2 1, because ET was taken away by UFO.
1, an egg went to the teahouse to drink tea, and it turned into a tea egg; An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it became a preserved egg. An egg went to Shandong and became a Lu (halogen) egg; An egg was homeless and turned into a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, causing a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and became an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and became a hydrogen bomb. An egg got sick and turned into a bad egg; An egg got married and became an asshole; An egg swam in the river and became a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and became Hua Dan; An egg is riding a horse with a knife. It turns out that he is a Beijing opera blues. An egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg; An egg is a man, and his wife commits adultery with other eggs outside, and as a result, he becomes an illegitimate child;
2. One day, two ice creams competed for swimming, swimming, swimming, swimming until the last two ice creams melted.
Four people are playing mahjong in the room. When the police came, he took five people with him. Why?
-Because the person they hit is called Mahjong.
When Xiaoming came home, the dog next door suddenly ran out and bit him. He picked up bamboo in a rage and wanted to hit it. The owner of the dog saw Xiao Ming beating his dog, and said unhappily, You have to watch the owner before you can beat the dog. Haven't you heard of it? At this moment, Xiao Ming said: Good! I will beat your dog while watching you.
6. Xiaoming stepped on the stool, why didn't he get his shoes dirty? Because he didn't wear shoes ~
Xiao Fang, who is six years old, is very cute and is often proposed by boys in her class.
One day, Xiao Fang came home and said to his mother, "Mom! Xiao Qiang proposed to me today, proposed to me ... "
Mother casually said, "Does he have a regular job?"
Xiao Fang thought for a moment and said, "He is in charge of cleaning the blackboard in our class.
8. Xiaoming has just entered primary school. After the first monthly exam, his mother was very nervous about his grades. ...
Mother: "Xiao Ming, how did you do in this exam?"
Xiao Ming: "Alas! Those are the extent to which children are cheated! "
Mother listened to a burst of secretly pleased, must be good in the exam will say so, and then ask ...
Mom: "Did you do well in the exam?"
Xiao Ming: "Because I was a child, I was cheated ~"
9. Once upon a time, there was a stray dog. He searched around the street for food to sustain himself. He walked through countless cities and streets. Finally, he came to a desert. He wants to cross the desert, so he walks, walks, walks ... tired and thirsty. Finally, he lay down and said, "Why am I as tired as a dog?"
10, Bug: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil?
Xiaohua: No, I'm useless.
Bug: Are you really useless?
Xiaohua: I'm so useless!
Bug: Alas, you are the17th person to admit that you are useless.
Zhu Xiao was invited to visit Xiaowen's house. . . .
At Xiaowen's home, I saw Xiaowen calling his wife "dear".
When Zhu Xiao saw this scene, he was very moved and said, "You are not easy! After nearly 10 years of marriage, you still call your wife so sweetly. . . . . 」
"Actually," Xiaowen whispered, "I have forgotten her name for a long time. . . . 」
Patient: "Doctor, I have a bad cough. 」
Doctor: "How old are you? 」
Patient: "75 years old. 」
Doctor: "Do you cough at the age of twenty? 」
Patient: "No cough. 」
Doctor: "Do you cough at the age of forty? 」
Patient: "No cough either. 」
Doctor: "Then don't cough now. When do you cough? " ? 」
13, a mental hospital was tired of being discharged by a group of patients, so the dean relaxed the rules. All patients who want to leave the hospital must pass the following examination: Dean: Where are the eyes?
Patient: Here are the eyes (pointing to the eyes).
Dean: Where is the nose?
Patient: This is the nose (pointing to the nose).
Dean: Where are the ears?
Patient: The ear is here (pointing to the ear).
As long as the position can be correctly pointed out, the patient can leave the hospital.
One day, Patient A applied for discharge and passed the above test, so he happily went back to the ward to pack his bags and prepare for discharge. Patient b in the same ward cried in surprise, "impossible, impossible, your condition is worse than mine, and I can't pass." How can I live? " "Patient A said," Shh ~ Don't tell anyone, I'll use my back!
14. One day, Mr. Wang found his 5-year-old son Xiaoming acting strangely.
Towards evening, he stood by the window waving his hand, as if he were still mumbling.
Mr. Wang walked quietly behind Xiaoming, but he heard Xiaoming say, "Goodbye, goodbye ..."
Mr. Wang looked out of the window, but there was no one. It's been like this for several days in a row. At this time, Xiao Ming stood at the window, repeating the words that made Mr. Wang creepy.
Finally, Mr. Wang couldn't help it. He called his son over. "Xiao Ming, who are you saying goodbye to at this time?"
"Grandpa." Xiao Ming looks naive. Mr. Wang's scalp is fried. "Which ... which father-in-law?"
"Grandpa Sun ~"
15, the neighbor went to the newsstand near the market to take a snapshot and took a bust. She went into the pavilion, took a photo and waited for the photo to develop automatically. She picked it up and exclaimed, "My God, my photo looks like a monkey!" " ! A woman behind said coldly, "I'm sorry, that's mine." Yours will have to wait for five minutes. 」
16, one day Xiao Qiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid child?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"
The father told his son a story: once upon a time there was a frog …
Son: Are there any science fiction stories?
Father: A long time ago, there was a frog in space …
Son: Do you have any restricted classes?
Father: shh ~ keep your voice down so that mom can't hear you. Once upon a time there was a frog with no clothes on. ...