Last time someone introduced me to a princess.
At the age of 22, he already has billions of assets.
The little princess is quite beautiful.
My parents think their country is too small and has no future, so they put it off again and again.
-
Hello, female soldier.
Last time someone tried to introduce me to a female soldier.
At the age of 22, he was already the commander of a group army (of course, he inherited his father's footsteps, hehe)
Girls are quite modern.
My parents don't think they are from the Beijing Military Region, so they have no future.
-
Last time, a girl came to me.
She said her name was Nicole Kidman and she had to marry me.
She said she was very popular and won many awards (as if she were great)
I reluctantly agreed to go to see my parents with her.
But as soon as her parents saw me, they cried and knelt in front of me and told me to leave their daughter.
Because I am so handsome, they don't think Nicole Kidman is good enough for me.
They will give me all their money to find a better one.
But I think a billion dollars is useless, too little and boring!
So I turned them down ~
-
Hello, Gates ~
Last time I went out to play video games, I met him ~ and still insisted on worshipping me as a teacher ~
He waits for me downstairs all night every night ~
He also said he would give me real estate ~
In fact, his family doesn't have much money ~
Just tens of billions ~
I don't think he can speak Changsha dialect ~
I'll push it if the language is unreasonable in the future ~
-
I was born in the wrong age.
You should have been born when you entered the customs in the Qing Dynasty. Go to Shanhaiguan for one stop.
The Qing rebels will feel inferior when they see me, and they all jump into the sea.
What else does Manchu have to enter the customs ~ ~
-
Actually, I was not born in England during the steam revolution. I knew that I had made a mistake.
I was going to appear in England at that time, and all the men felt so inferior that they were either crazy or committed suicide.
Women are not much better, they all become like anthomaniac. It is enough to say my name every day.
Where will there be an empire that does not fall? Maybe there will be an empire of China.
You don't have to learn English so painfully now. Chinese is the universal language in the world. How comfortable.
-
Do you know how Li Bai died? I just read my poem and hanged myself ~
-
Do you know why Rosamund Kwan didn't get married? I just like me so much that I cried and said that I would marry me. But I think she is older than me and less sexy than my (ex-girlfriend) Athena Chu, so I pushed her away. But she still calls once a day and flies to Switzerland to see me once a week. Alas, there are still so many handsome guys in the world (although they are almost inferior to me), why bother? Women can be very upset sometimes, and it is difficult for me to disfigure before marrying someone else. Oh, my God. . . . . . . . Is it a mistake to be too handsome? ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
-
Do you know why Bush wants bin Laden?
Because bin laden took a look at my nanny who cooked.
Bush can't stand it. He loves my nanny too much.
I can't help it My nanny is so beautiful that all men like it.
Although I have no feelings for her.
Xiao bu said, the man in this world, he persuaded me,
That beautiful woman is my nanny, and he admitted it.
I told him: Xiao Bu, in fact, I have no feelings for her. Just work hard.
Xiaobu cried and cried to recognize me as the big brother.
Hey, there's nothing I can do about being so charming ~
-
My family is very rich, with more than 100 computers. I like each one very much. I touch it every day and use it every day.
-
One day, I was bored and learned to meow. Oh, my God. ! ! ! ! ! The mice are all gone.
-
One day at noon, Xiaoxian met Lan Xin.
Leisure: Xin, did you have lunch?
A Xin: No! I wonder if you would like to eat Chinese food with me!
Idle and willing to answer!
Glancing at the menu casually, he said: tiger's hoof, leopard's gall, dragon's blood, phoenix wings and yellow head. . . . . Tired!
Alas. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
-
I don't remember the day when my sister went out to play. Qin Shihuang didn't allow it. He loves my sister so much that he is afraid that she will get lost. He thought of a way. . . . . . So, there is the Great Wall of Wan Li ~ ~ ~ ~
-
God said to me: when you don't like playing football, remember to give me back the earth ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
-
Do you know why Zhao's 400,000 troops were killed in the battle of Changping? At that time, I was an idol of Bai Qi, and everything on Bai Qi was embroidered with my name, including his underwear. A captured Zhao accidentally vomited, and it landed on the underwear that was drying outside. You can insult my personality, my family, my motherland and even my beloved underwear, but you can't insult my greatest idol and get my idol's name dirty. I'm angry! ! As a result, in a rage, Leitian killed Zhao's 400,000 troops. I said to him: Xiao Bai, isn't this a bit too much? Leitian cried and said, alas, who are you? How can earthly people be defiled I won't be a man until I kill Zhao! ! I said, so I didn't argue with you to embroider my name on your underwear? That's disgusting. Tian Lei cried again: Please forgive my little selfishness. After killing Zhao, I will commit suicide to thank you! !
-
How great Xiao ai is. In fact, he blushed when he saw me. At that time, he was still working as a handyman at the University of Berlin. I knew this boy had some potential. At that time, I gave him a nudge: "Xiao Ai, do you want to be a celebrity?" Xiao Ai looked at me with big innocent eyes: "Celebrity? What is a celebrity? " I followed the temptation: "It's good to be a celebrity. I eat spicy food everywhere, and I don't have to pay for girls. " Xiao Ai's eyes lit up: "Is it really free to pick up girls? That celebrity is really a good thing! How can I become a celebrity? " I smiled happily: "Xiao Ai, I met you today and we hit it off. I'll say a few words to you, and you write it down carefully. " The first sentence: sitting on a beautiful woman, a year seems to be one second! The second sentence: sitting on the stove, one second seems like a year! Don't underestimate these two sentences, think about it, it will benefit you for a lifetime. "Xiao Ai firmly remember these two sentences, but he still don't quite understand their profound meaning. Many things happen. After ten years of painful thinking, he finally understood the true meaning and put forward the world-famous theory of relativity.
-
I can't imagine the Dunkirk retreat without me. The situation was too dangerous. Dozens of W allies crowded into a small port, and there were not enough ships. Behind them are more than 654.38+00,000 fully armed Germans. This scene is enough to make people collapse. At that time, Xiaoqiu and Dai Xiao almost knelt down and begged me, crying and begging me. I really had no choice. Who told me to be soft-hearted? I was still wearing slippers and didn't have time to change my shoes. I took a wood blade at random and flew the imperial sword over Dunkirk. It depends. Really not good. The closest distance between the Germans and the Allies is less than half a mile. If you promise someone, you must do one thing seriously. The highest meaning of luck, determination, sword and kendo: the father, the son, the holy spirit are one, and the dragon is beheaded. I saw a dazzling light, and the sun was covered by it. With a loud noise, a bottomless fissure with a length of 100 kilometers and a width of nearly 500 meters appeared between the allied forces and the German army. The Germans can't get through. Then I made the second move, the star emperor's cross sword cut, and a huge cross sword awn appeared in the sky, and then exploded into countless star awns. German fighters and bombers turned into fly ash as soon as they touched the star mountain, and no one was spared. The allies were finally safe, and they retreated safely to Britain, retaining the last anti-fascist force in Europe. Later, a politician Stalin asked me why I didn't hand over all the Germans to K.O. I looked at the sky and said faintly, "Stoudemire, in fact, I went against the sky that time." Hitler's rebellion was a doomed disaster in Europe. In a few decades, a strong and unified community will emerge in Europe. They are just an effort to prevent the disaster from happening again. "Stoudemire listened quietly, but a little crazy:" Can I still live to see it? "
-
How powerful the king of Qin swept Liuhe! But if there is no great man behind him, it is impossible to unify the whole country with his qualifications. I really worked hard for my little victory at that time. I am in charge of internal affairs, diplomacy and military affairs. I just need to put an imperial seal on the document. How comfortable. Before every fierce battle in Qin Jun, I would sneak into the army and take the general's head. When the enemy commander dies, his morale will be in chaos, which is not good for Qin Jun. I still remember the last general I killed. His name was Li Mu. When he left, Zhao was not afraid. Since Li Mu saw me, his blood spilled five steps, but in a short breath, Li Mu said a word before he died: "The fast sword can die under this sword method, and my life is worth it!" After unifying the world, Xiao Yan knelt down and begged me to be enthroned. He was willing to give up. I smiled faintly: "Idiot, all beings in the world have a destiny." . My mission is to help you unify the whole country, and your mission is to be the first emperor in the history of China. It can be called the first emperor in the future. In the future, you should abolish the old system of vassal enfeoffment, divide the world into several counties, put them under the direct jurisdiction of Xianyang, unify the national weights and measures and currency, and put books and books on the same track. Then build a post canal to promote national traffic and economy, and the long-term chaos will be cured. As for me, you will never see me again. Remember, don't let me stay in history. Those literati who wrote my deeds, you should kill them all and burn all the books they wrote. This is my first and last request to you. You must promise me ... "Looking at my fading back, I sighed, and two lines of clear tears flowed down unconsciously ~ ~
-
One day, I came back from a cloud tour and found a lot of people, so I went to have a look.
Ah, some of my disciples are bragging,
I eavesdropped for a while and couldn't help admiring.
After a while, he smiled and said: Not bad, actually learned the essence of my 65438+ 1
-
One day, three mice got together to chat.
The first one said, "I took three packs of rat poison yesterday. It's so fucking sweet, I'm addicted. I only found 10 packets all day today, and I didn't have enough to eat. How will I live in the future? I am very depressed. "
The second one said, "It's like tickling me with a mousetrap. Don't mention how comfortable it is I searched all day today and only found 10 mouse traps, all of which were for me to detonate. I still feel itchy. what can I do? I want to hang myself! "
The third said, "You two are blowing here. I don't have time. I went to soak the cat. "
-
During the SARS period, I accidentally walked into a huge supermarket to shop and coughed in front of the container. Suddenly, everyone was silent! Is it boring? Look around. . . . No one in such a big supermarket # $% ...
At this moment, I heard someone talking on the loudspeaker: "Stop the fuck, don't go! I am an investor in this supermarket! Starting today! This supermarket is yours!
I feel dizzy. . . . . . .
Girls' articles:
My little name is Xiaomei and my big name is Damei.
It is said that when I was born, I came out laughing. The nurse carried me to the maternity ward. I smiled. I don't want all pregnant women with baby boys in the room to give birth prematurely. Those baby boys just came out with a head and didn't cry. They blinked their sticky eyes and walked around me, still babbling: beauty! Beautiful! It was not until I went out that I heard the waves howling behind me crying one after another.
When I was a child, my family hired a female college student as a tutor. After teaching for a day, she left because she felt too inferior in front of me. From then on, she never looked in the mirror again, and she cried as soon as she did. I stayed at home since I was a child, afraid to go out, because once I went to the park, drivers and pedestrians on the road stared at me, resulting in eight cars being hit, seven people being injured, six cyclists falling into sewers and five people hitting telephone poles.
I went to the park once, and the next day, the flowers in the park withered. At that time, I didn't know what beauty was and why. When I was studying, my family gave me a veil to cover my face. I didn't lift the veil until I went to college. There is a beauty queen in the university who has a strong self-esteem. One day, she accidentally saw my face, and she was always cheerful. A few days later, she disappeared. I heard from my classmates that she went to Korea for plastic surgery. She came back from plastic surgery, secretly looked at my face, walked away silently without saying a word, and went to Korea the next day.
I thought I could graduate smoothly. I don't want to study at night I go home by bike. At the school gate, my veil fell off, and the boy in front of me opened his eyes and saw him fall. He was sent to the hospital with a bang. The doctor said he had a heart attack because of extreme excitement. Before he died, he smiled and said the last three words: how beautiful!
For this, I feel deeply guilty. I ran to the overpass at night and cried. When I lifted my veil to wipe my tears, I was accidentally photographed by a reporter. The next day, my photo was published in the newspaper. On the third day, all the men in the city demanded a divorce. During the day, men wander on the overpass where I stand, and at night they sleep on the overpass under quilts.
I can't stay in this city any longer. My family decided to send me to America. I saw Mona Lisa's smile when I visited the art museum in America. Just when I took off my silent mirror to appreciate it, Mona Lisa covered her hand. From then on, the smile of the famous painting Mona Lisa disappeared, but another painting, Mona Lisa's Anxiety, appeared.
I am in great pain, and I hate myself. I decided to go back to China and ask the Buddha to grant me death at the Buddhist temple. I knelt before the Buddha with my true face and said, Buddha, I am not a villain, but because of beauty, I have caused such a great sin to people, society and the world. Now I just want to ask the Buddha to give me death. Just after that, I looked up and saw the Buddha's face become a little stiff and said, you can't die. I won't let you die. I want to pursue you in a secular way. I panicked and ran away.
I ran to the seaside and asked myself, am I really that beautiful? I didn't believe it, so I ran to a hotel and opened a room. I face the mirror in the bathroom. I took off my clothes one by one. I have never seen my body in my life. ) I looked at my body quietly, and suddenly I choked, my heart slowed down and my mind went blank. I know I, I, I want to be beautiful on my own.
Boys:
I was born in an ordinary family, with healthy parents, grandparents and several uncles and aunts.
It is said that when I was born, there was an auspicious cloud in the northern sky, which gradually floated to my roof from far and near and became a word: handsome.
After seeing me, my father cried at the top of his voice for a month and a half. He killed me and didn't believe that I was a child of his chromosome inheritance. He took a kitchen knife and rushed to my mother's bed several times, waving it to cut me into pieces. My mother used her death to protect me and let me live.
Later, in order to prove her innocence, the mother dragged her father to the hospital for paternity test. The doctor lifted the quilt, only looked at it and cried. He wiped his nose and said, go home. This is not your son, nobody. Humans can't give birth to such a handsome child. ......
An intern nurse walked by and saw me as a baby. She immediately found a box of red inkpad, printed my fingerprints, scattered her hair at once, and murmured to me: Long hair for you. If I don't marry you in my life, my long hair will not decrease. I will tidy up the ancient Buddha and comb my hair in the boudoir. ......
Mother hurried out and trotted all the way, accidentally meeting an old lady waiting to have a baby in the obstetrics and gynecology department next door. The old lady grabbed her mother and said kindly, son, what's the hurry? What is the hard part? Don't hit the child. ......
My mother was upset by her, so she pulled the quilt away. As soon as the old lady saw me, she immediately followed me like crazy, tears streaming down her face, shaking her head and screaming: I was born 50 years earlier! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Lightning mom ......
When I was fifteen, I didn't dare to go to school, not that I didn't. I dare not go to kindergarten for a long time. The children, teachers and dean in the whole park are crazy. My face was swollen into a watermelon by the little girl's kiss, and the aunts beat up the children. If nothing else, just because they were born in the same year as me, the military and police dispatched enough to calm the violent twins.
There are people fishing in front of my house all the year round, and they never come back empty-handed. The most interesting thing is that our home is 0/00 km away from the sea/kloc-,but they often catch tuna in the small stinking ditch in front of the door and look for turtle eggs behind the haystack. Later, after investigation, it turned out that there were countless women crying in front of my house all the year round. The composition of tears was rich in amino acids and protein, which was very suitable for tuna survival and turtle spawning. Over the years, those women's tears have gathered into a small beach. By the time I was fifteen, the beach was full of prosperity; By the time I was eighteen, the beach had developed so fast that it was called Hawaii.
Once, I was so bored that I sneaked out of the house at night. If I see a female animal, I'm going to run away. Who knows that after I went out, I was not chased except for a scream. I looked back carefully and they all fainted on the beach. ......
On another occasion, the court sued me, saying that I had ruined the happiness of a family. It turned out that the wife of that family asked her husband for a divorce after seeing the photos I secretly took when I was six years old. After the court accepted the case, it sent me a summons. After receiving the summons, I expressed my willingness to appear in court, because such a life is really unbearable. However, the summons did not go back to the court, because I signed it, so I was caught by the postman halfway ... Later, the postman was sentenced to 122 years in prison.
I was born in an ordinary family, with healthy parents, grandparents and several uncles and aunts.
It is said that when I was born, there was an auspicious cloud in the northern sky, which gradually floated to my roof from far and near and became a word: handsome.
After seeing me, my father cried at the top of his voice for a month and a half. He killed me and didn't believe that I was a child of his chromosome inheritance. He rushed to my mother's bed several times with a kitchen knife, waving to cut me into pieces, and my mother protected me with her death, so that I could survive.
Grandpa has been suffering from glaucoma for more than ten years, and he can't tell whether it's a man or a dog from a meter away. But when I appeared in front of him, the old man burst into tears, closed his eyes and never saw the light of day again, saying that he didn't want to see anyone again, so as to avoid endless future troubles.
Later, in order to prove her innocence, the mother dragged her father to the hospital for paternity test. The doctor lifted the quilt, only looked at it and cried. He wiped his nose and said, go home. This is not your son, nobody. Humans can't give birth to such a handsome child. .....
An intern nurse passed by and saw me take good care of myself. She immediately found a box of red inkpad, printed my fingerprints, spread her hair out at once, and muttered to me, Here's your long hair. If I don't marry you in my life, my long hair will not decrease. I will tidy up the ancient Buddha and tidy up my boudoir. .......
Mother hurried out and trotted all the way, accidentally meeting an old lady waiting to have a baby in the obstetrics and gynecology department next door. The old lady grabbed her mother and said kindly, son, what's the hurry? What is the hard part? Don't hit the child. ....
My mother didn't worry about him. As soon as she pulled the quilt, the old lady saw me and immediately followed the mental derangement, with her eyes wide open.
Tears welled up, and I fell to the ground, shaking my head and screaming: I was born 50 years ago! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Lightning mom .....
When I was fifteen, I didn't dare to go to school, not that I didn't. I dare not go to kindergarten for a long time. The children, teachers and dean in the whole park are crazy. My face was swollen into a watermelon by the little girl's kiss. My aunts beat up the children, and if nothing else, just because they were born in the same year as me, the military and police came out and the riot was quelled.
There are people fishing in front of my house all the year round, and they never come back empty-handed. The most interesting thing is that our home is 0/00 km away from the sea/kloc-,but they often catch tuna in the gutter in front of the door and look for turtle eggs behind the haystack. Later, after investigation, it turned out that there were countless women crying in front of my house all the year round, and the tears were rich in amino acids and protein, which was very suitable for tuna survival and turtle spawning. Over the years, those women's tears have gathered into a small beach.
So it is called: Hawaii.
Once, I was so bored that I sneaked out of the house at night. If I see a female animal, I'm ready to run. Who knows that after I went out, I didn't catch up with her except for a scream. I looked back carefully and found that they all fainted on the beach. ...
The U.S. Department of Defense formally sued me in The Hague International Court of Justice, saying that I ruined the happiness of the first family. It turned out that the old lady, the president's wife, filed for divorce with George W. Bush after seeing the photos taken secretly when I was six years old, creating the first divorce case of an incumbent president in American history. After the International Court of Justice in The Hague accepted the case, she issued a summons to me. After receiving the summons, I expressed my willingness to appear in court, because this life was unbearable, but the summons did not return to the court, because I signed it, so it was delivered by the postman halfway.
The CCTV focus talk show group came to interview me and fainted three times against the glass of the camera. The little girl in charge of recording wrote Chinese in Italian and Spanish. When it was broadcast, because the TV station mosaic my face, it was smashed the next day and slogans were posted everywhere. Bush took the opportunity of his visit to China to deliver a speech in Tiananmen Square entitled: One of my posters! The speech was conducted under the protection of more than 5,000 t2 agents in the United States. However, Air Force One was attacked, which ruined hope. ....
The United Nations allocated special funds to build a hiding place for me, located at the top of Mount Everest in the Himalayas. The news is extremely sealed, and no one in the world knows where I am except my family and Secretary-General Annan.
I like quiet, really quiet, the blue sky is close to me, and God is at my fingertips. I am quiet, but also very bored. I stood at the peak and shouted: I am not handsome! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Suddenly, a calm voice came from the sky: no, you are lying. ......
God, can't you lie to me? .......
I am very angry, very angry! ! ! Ask God why you make me so handsome! ! ! !
The voice of god's requiem came again: what did you say?
I was limp all over, and I cried. Why am I so handsome? .......
God was silent ... after a while, God spoke: You are very modest. ......
At that moment, I wanted to jump off the peak. ........
Suddenly, a group of people rushed up the mountain at the foot of the mountain. Later, I learned that Annan had been kidnapped. The gangster's mother's grandmother used to be a maid-in-waiting around Ci Xi in China during the Qing Dynasty. His master is the minister of punishments, a family heirloom, and one of the top ten tortures in Qing Dynasty. Annan is really an epic man. He used the ninth punishment to tell me where I was hiding. ....
I'm crazy! ! !
I stood on a stone, facing the cliff, hysterical: how dare you come up! ! ! I'm gonna jump! ! ! ! !
The crowd stood still, and there was an amazing silence. ....
The crowd began to stir, and many people jumped off the cliff like possessed, more and more! In the end, only a few people who fainted stayed on the mountain, and the rest jumped off the cliff. I looked down, and they laid a mat for me with their bodies in case I slipped. ....
I am helpless ... I was protected by women in the former Pentagon of the United States, and women were proud to see me. Since the last Everest incident, scientists have found that human potential is so strong, because in that Everest incident, 10% people were terminally ill, 10% people were disabled, and 10% people were mentally retarded ... Many cancer patients (women) struggled for more than ten years to see me.
In desperation, the third world war broke out, and men used atomic bombs to maintain their dignity. ....
After the explosion, I was the only one who survived in the world, because I was protected in the nuclear protection zone. When I came out, the land was deserted, and there was desolation and ruins everywhere after the war. ....
Suddenly, I found life on the ground! ! ! !
That's a cockroach! ! ! The vitality of cockroaches is beyond everyone's expectation. I picked up this cockroach with tears in my eyes, and the cockroach trembled all over. I looked around and it turned out to be a cockroach at my feet! ! ! All women! ! !
On another coastline, all the male cockroaches are eyeing! ! !
No one would have thought that the fourth world war on earth actually happened among cockroaches. .....
Postscript: Ten million years after my death, after the birth of mankind, they restored my bones and buried them in the North Pole. Above my tombstone, there is a cloud floating all year round, which has changed and changed, with only one word: handsome. .....