Ben San doesn't have a boyfriend. Going home feels like a crime. I remember calling my mother a few days ago. Mom, I bought a ticket to go home, at 8 am on the 29th. Oh, did you come back alone? Okay, okay. Oh, I bought you two new quilts. You'd better cover the old ones.
On my way home from work, I brought some raisins home. After dinner, I said to my second-rate husband: I wash the dishes and you wash the raisins. When I came back from washing dishes, I found my husband lying in bed, and the raisins were not washed. I yelled at him, didn't you hear me when I told you to wash the raisins? Idiot stretched out his foot and said, I washed it, damn it.
When I was sick as a child, my mother always made a cup of coffee and said, foreigners drink this. I've always been afraid of coffee. It's bitter and bitter. When I grew up, I traveled all over Starbucks and went to the island, but I couldn't find the taste I drank when I was a child. Until one day, I drank Banlangen.
5. Wife: Honey, people want a princess hug. Husband: Forget it. Wife: No, they do. The husband gave his wife a helpless hug. Wife: How do you feel? Husband: Just like bottled water. Wife: Yes. . .
After drinking a glass of beer last night, I felt sore all over. Ask a friend: Tell me, what did I do after drinking too much last night? As a result, my friend said helplessly, you drank too much last night and didn't say you were Altman. You played with the stone lion in front of the hotel for more than half an hour!
7. Say to your wife after eating: Your face is as beautiful as the moon. Give her beauty. After a while, she asked: Why do you say my face is like the moon? Because your face is as big and round as the moon, and it is full of pits.
8. Today, my stupid wife asked: Can air be caught? I nodded decisively, and she asked again: How? I silently farted on my hand and then put it in front of her nose and asked, do you smell it? Then,,,,, Forget it, kneeling keyboard went.
9. One day in class, the teacher wanted the students to use their brains and asked, Xiao Ming, what would you do if you saw a big black bear in the forest one day? Xiaoming: Then I'll shoot it! Teacher: What if you happen to have no gun? Xiaoming: I stabbed it to death! Teacher: What if you happen to have no knife? Xiaoming: Oh, teacher, are you on the bear's side or on my side? Teacher:
10, a man went out to buy a cart of rice. It's not easy to choose one head over the other. He scratched his head and thought of a way to put a big stone on the bright side. He sweated the rice home, put down the burden, took a long breath and said, it's a good thing we have this stone today, otherwise we can't get it back!
1 1. Facing the college entrance examination, a student went to see a fortune teller. The fortune teller told him: your life is three yuan in a row, and then it is dull. The students are very happy to hear this, which shows that they are sure to study undergraduate, graduate and doctoral degrees! He invited his friends and had a big meal to celebrate. After paying the bill, he crossed three Zhang Yiyuan notes on the invoice.
12, my son who was doing his homework suddenly asked me: Mom, how should I make sentences? I thought about it and said to him: this word can make many sentences, such as: you have to get up early; You should do your homework quickly; You should eat without being picky about food; You should listen carefully in class and be excited when you talk, only to see your son suddenly throw away his pencil and shout at me: OK, OK, I will. You should shut up!
13. I slept with my mother last night. I said, mom, I can't sleep. Please tell me a bedtime story. My mother said: Yes, there was a little white rabbit in the big forest. It is ugly and eats a lot. It doesn't like folding quilts and washing dishes. He spent all his mother's money and still couldn't find a partner. Well, mom, I'm suddenly a little sleepy.
14, it's Chinese New Year, so it's time to go back to work. I packed my things from home and called a black car. On the road, the driver was very nervous when the traffic police checked the car. I patted my chest and said to the driver, don't be afraid, I'll solve it. The traffic police came, looked at the driver and asked me who he was. The driver was ready to speak, and I said loudly, I am his wife. The driver cried and said to the traffic police, you'd better take me away. . .
15, the day before the final exam, A: B Where are you going? What's that in your hand? I'm going to make some copies A: I want one too. C: Wait, I want it, too. D: print it for me, too! E: I'll give you the money later. I want one, too. F: Give me another one. G: I'll go with you. I also want to print! I'm going to copy my ID card.
16, my sister is in grade three this year and can't write a composition. Once, the teacher assigned them to write a composition. My name is: my grandfather. My sister couldn't write, so she went to the composition book and found only one article called: My sister. She turned all her sisters into grandfathers, so the following sentence appeared: My grandfather loves beauty very much, wears two braids every day and wears a white dress.
17, my mother drove me after school when I was a child. I opened the back door and threw my schoolbag in, ready to sit in the front. Just after closing the back door and getting ready to take the co-pilot seat, my mother drove away, so I had to walk back alone.
18. Go to a roadside stall to buy underwear and ask how much it costs. The stall owner replied: 12 yuan. I felt the quality, secretly calculated the opportunity for a long time, and said, it's so expensive, cheaper, can't it be sold at 25 taels? The stall owner blinked and finally agreed.
19, last night, my husband rubbed his temples and said to me, Wife, I have a headache. I asked: Is it necessary to catch a cold? The husband said: No, all I can think about is you. After listening to it, it was beautiful and a little touched. As a result, the husband went on to say, before, you were so thin that I couldn't help it. Now that you have grown so big, it gives me a headache.
20. A boy took out a ring and proposed to a girl. The girl threw the ring into the sea. She said: If you can get the ring back, it means that you really love me and I will marry you. The boy stood by the sea and did not get into the water. The woman was glad that she had let the poor man give up completely, but it didn't take long for the ring to float.
Friends circle is funny, funny friends circle is funny.
1. Young people should never lose heart because of a math class. You're not the only one who can't do it.
2. Wang Sicong said that I make friends, no matter whether he is rich or not, he is not as rich as me. His confidence is similar to mine. When I make friends, I don't look at others being poor. Anyway, I'm not poor myself.
I played with mosquitoes all night yesterday and finally got even. It's not full, and I haven't slept well.
4. Go to see "Speed ? ? and Passion 8" and see half of the broadcast: Please ask Bentley owners with license plate Beijing A88888 to move their cars. After listening to this broadcast, I walked out of the cinema impatiently in the amazing eyes of everyone, and then went to my hand.
My ex-boyfriend sent me a message saying that he would attend his wedding, and I calmly replied with three words: next time.
6. Do you like small animals? Of course I like it. How much do you like it? I don't know, every meal!
7. I thought for a moment, why do experts recommend eating seven points full for dinner, because the other three points should be used for midnight snack.
8. I didn't know anything about chemistry in today's exam, and then I made a gesture to my classmates, so they pointed at several girls in succession. So I watched these girls carefully. Then I silently added ADCBACDB.
9. Don't always ask me what I'm doing. What can I do besides studying?
10. My position is not firm. I will play with whoever has big breasts. I can't help it I am such a person who goes with the flow.
1 1. My friend said that his cactus is refined, and it will move when watered. I went to his house to have a look. Shit! Poor hedgehog.
12. My friend took me home. I used to light a cigarette when I got on the bus. My friend pinched my cigarette and said, don't smoke when I get on the bus. It smells like oil smoke. I fucking slapped him in the past, riding an electric car smells like fucking smoke!
13. I vaguely remember that I learned online shopping to save money.
14. When I was a child, my dream was to be a hero. When I grew up, I didn't expect it to be easily realized with my mobile phone. There are quite a lot of choices.
15. Someone asked me why my skin was black, and I smiled. One white covers all the ugliness, you cover all the ugliness, and I'm not ugly.
16. The unit organizes overseas travel, and the administrative sister collects employee ID card information. When she saw me, she smiled and asked me, Are you a mouse? In order to maintain this zodiac, I replied: Yes, but please remove the old words. She paused, said yes doubtfully, and left. As a result, the whole company went out to play, which really dropped Lao Zi from the list.
17. I met my old classmate in the street today. I didn't expect him to be so poor, so I put a dollar in the bowl.
18. During military training, the instructor corrected a girl's posture: hold your head up and hold your chest high! Chest out! Where are the breasts? Where are the breasts? Feel how sad and angry that girl's expression is.
19. Later, my face, arms, buttocks and thighs became good friends with fat, except my chest.
20. I met a female mental derangement today. I took a look at her and was slapped twice. I am a quality person, and I have never cared about her. I went straight out of the women's locker room and went home.
2 1. Some people always think that they are between cow A and cow C, but in fact they don't know that they are between stupid A and stupid C. ..
22. The banana fan belongs to the old gentleman, but it is in the hands of the princess of the iron fan. Niu Wangmo can't be ignorant, and Hong Haier can be born. Alas, the connotation is really intriguing!
23. I advise you all to play less with your mobile phones and computers. I feel that my eyesight is getting worse and worse recently, and I can't see the money when I open my wallet.
24. I want to buy a car recently My dad took me to all the luxury car 4S stores in the city. I am very touched. Well, it is better to be a family. After leaving the store, my dad turned to me and said, look, these cars are not allowed to hit in the future!
The related circle of friends is funny.
Wechat is funny about Daquan, and WeChat friends circle is humorous.
Funny talk in the circle of friends: Teacher, which parent do you like, just say it, not always in the circle of friends.
1, the setting sun, heartbroken people are brushing their teeth. You say you like the sea, but in fact you like the waves.
3. Sweet words can lead to diabetes.
4, a sister is bigger than the sky, we are farther than love!
5, acne is nothing, that is your lovely bubble.
6, squatting on the side of the road to see the chick, lying in bed playing little J.
7. You accompany me to watch the world quietly on the roof and go to sleep slowly.
8. I depend on myself for everything, so you don't have to look up to it.
9. The person you dream of should go to bed when you wake up.
10, my future is not a dream, but a nightmare.
1 1, people who like to kiss up are ultimately riding horses.
12, whether two people are familiar with each other depends on the obscene degree of chatting.
13, I still have to listen to math class, in case I understand it one day.
14, the most brilliant moment of Apple was hitting Newton on the head!
15, there is no fate between you and me. Look at my face value.
16. My wallet is like an onion. I want to cry when I open it.
17, patting the head to make a decision, patting the chest to ensure, patting the ass to leave.
18, do you feel like skipping rope like qq login?
19, how can we live if even the default bubble costs money?
20. In the future, you will definitely appreciate your present efforts.
2 1, the opportunity is like a virgin, rare, only once.
Dear child, I wish you a lonely dog in the future.
23.you smell like her perfume. I knew it was not as expensive as mine when I smelled it.
24. Half the country is laughing at the other half. Actually, the whole world is a fool.
25. I don't know what the teacher is talking about there, but it seems very powerful.
26. People can't take money to the grave, but money can take people to the grave.
27. When you were about to be born, the doctor took a look and asked if you wanted to go back to the fortress.
28. The dream of a dream of red mansions of modern people is: paying dividends, buying a house and dreaming.
29. For bachelors, Valentine's Day is like a period. It hurts once.
30. Start school if you are not crazy. If we don't do our homework, we are finished.
3 1. Why do I often have gum in my eyes? That's my deep love for sleep.
32. My wife and I haven't spoken for 18 months, so I have no chance to interrupt her.
I found what I said very valuable when I paid the phone bill.
34. Fallen is not terrible. What is terrible is that when a person falls, he is sober!
35, I finally found a way to stay young, that is, take more photos!
36. When I live to this age, the only thing I can put down is chopsticks.
37. Sleeping for seven hours at school is not enough, but sleeping for five hours during holidays is twice as energetic.
38. Nothing is a hypothesis, thinking is a maturity, and correction is a virtue.
39. I wake up every morning with a handsome hairstyle, either Saiyan or Altman.
40. Behind every successful man, there is a woman who is full and has nothing to do.
4 1, I'd rather you hold another woman and miss me than you hold me and miss another woman.
42. The head teacher saw me doing my homework after class and suddenly said, I'll give you ten points by force.
43. Those who believe in fate follow it, and those who don't believe in fate are dragged by it.
Every time I sneeze, I think you are thinking of me, even though I know I have a cold!
45. Time tells me that the era of irrationality is over and it's time to pretend.
46. What is pleasure? The pleasure is that you eat fish, I eat meat and watch others chew bones.
47. There is a competition. I don't wash my hair for a few days and my scalp itches. When you caught it, you were burned to death.
48. Be the first one to wake you up in the morning and the last one to watch you fall asleep at night.
49, happiness is good, don't bask in it, because it will dry sooner or later if you get too much sun.
50. Be a temperamental troll, a layered pervert and a knowledgeable illiterate!
5 1, people who only know gangs are bound to be broken; Only a soft-hearted person will eventually be a coward.
You can come to me when you are in a bad mood, and I will try my best to make your mood worse.
53. When the head teacher talks nonsense, it's like chewing a program, and he can't stop!
I thought I was a flower on the cliff, but later I realized that I was just a scum in the sea of people.
55. There is no rehearsal in life, and every day is live broadcast; Not only the ratings are low, but also the salary is not high.
56. I spent all my luck meeting you, and I never got a chance to get multiple-choice questions again.
57. Let's flip a coin to bet that heads are my boyfriend and tails are your girlfriend.
58. Replace my heart and give me a heart of stone. I will smile and watch the people who hurt me go to hell.
59. You said Murmansk, I am the warm current of the North Atlantic. You should hold tight and I should ride the wind.
60. On this warm spring day in bloom, let's take a trip. I'll take you, you get the money.
6 1, I don't like sleeping with only one woman many times, but I like sleeping with many women only once. .
62. I dreamed that my object was dead and cried badly. When I woke up, I found that there was no object at all, and I cried even more.
63. I am a person who is afraid of cold, and the cold from my bones gives me rheumatoid arthritis.
64. Those girls who can't unscrew the bottle cap are actually pretending. You ask her to open the courier and try it without scissors.
65. Prove in one sentence that you have read four classical novels: Brother Save Me, Strategist Save Me, Sister Save Me and Wukong Save Me.
66. The most frustrating thing in the exam is that I vaguely remember that the teacher said this question, but I clearly remember that I didn't listen.
67. Thank all those who have accompanied me to the present, especially those who intend to go with me.
You said that you might marry someone you don't like in the future. It doesn't matter. I am willing to be the person you don't like.
If you think I am wrong, please tell me. I won't change it anyway. Don't hide your illness.
70. No matter how you walk through Qian Shan, day and night, I firmly believe that you will never leave Yuan Ye in my heart.
7 1, that time I tried to lean against the window and look out of the window like a Korean heroine by bus, and the bad road conditions turned me into a concussion.
72. Your face is so beautiful, your people are so great, I miss you so much, and I love you so nervous that I don't know how to speak.
Today, my colleague received a message from my predecessor, which reads as follows: Dear, I have got my driver's license, so be careful when crossing the road.
74. Today, at the company dinner, the leader praised me in front of everyone and said that thanks to my frequent lateness. Only the funds for this activity are available.
75. When people ask me if I'm busy, I always say I'm busy. According to my experience, nine times out of ten, if you say no, the other person will make you busy.
76. Love forever, the seas run dry and the rocks crumble, and heaven and earth are integrated. These are all lies of love. I just need to hold your hand until the last second of my life!
77. Tomorrow is the last day of National Day. Everyone will see the National Day finale staged by the students' dogs: copying homework for seven days in one day.
78. No matter in the unknown horizon or in the corner of the sea, I hope that one day when I am too old to lose my teeth, it is you who will accompany me to watch the sunset hand in hand and see the clouds rolling.
79. First love is like lemon, sour but intriguing; Love is like a flame, although it is hot, it cannot extricate itself; Being lovelorn is like a scar, but you can't let it go. So we should know how to care!
80. Some people actually don't like the ugliness of the new version of RMB. No matter what he becomes, I will always love him. What I care about is not his appearance. I think this is the so-called true love.
8 1, I remember it was a cold winter, I didn't want to get up for school in the morning, and then I asked my dormitory classmates to help me ask for leave, so give me a reason. The next day, the news of my heatstroke spread all over the school!
Friends circle is very funny. Talk about the funny jokes of friends in 2020.
1. One day my little nephew asked me: When can I grow up? I asked him: what was on your mind when you watched TV and saw that the heroine was about to lose her reputation? Of course, I hope the hero will appear as soon as possible to save the heroine. I am just the opposite of you. This is the difference between children and adults. 2. Xiaohong wrote a sentence in her composition: Green is about to drip. The teacher praised Xiaohong and told other students: This word is very good. I hope students can use it often. So Xiao Ming made a sentence: My deskmate's nose is green and dripping, as if it were going to fall off.
I bought a big watermelon when I went back to school in the summer vacation. When I got on the bus, the driver's uncle came to an emergency stop, and then my melon rolled away. I chased the melon and shouted melon, melon, melon. I want to pretend not to know me.
I have a dream that there are only five fill-in-the-blank questions in a test paper, and the school is _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
It took five minutes to get up this time, and you have beaten 88% of the students in the country. There is still a classmate in the dormitory who can't get up and is starting again. The dormitory next door all collapses.
6. The most shameless person I have ever met is homework. I said I didn't like him, and he insisted on it.
7. Don't talk to me about starting school, it will hurt your feelings.
8. What is a class teacher? It is a person who has destroyed your friendship, your love and your affection.
9. If you are in a bad mood, go to the supermarket, shake the coke, pound the rice jar, break off Dove and pinch Master Kong ~
10. Nowadays, the toilet has become a leisure area for students.
1 1. The teacher always teaches us to take care of trees, but I want to tell you that trees seem to have been made into test papers.
12. After turning off the lights before going to bed in the dormitory, imagine ghosts everywhere and rush to bed at high speed.
13. The school refused to let us fall in love and gave us matching clothes.
14. I envy you for knowing me so young.
15. When I get rich, I'll buy two lollipops, one for you to eat and the other for you to eat.
16. I often wet the bed when I was a child, and I often cry when I grow up.
17. I went to college with a sack of money and exchanged a sack of books; After graduation, I exchanged these books for money, but I couldn't afford a sack!
18. Flip a coin, head to the internet, tail to sleep, stand up and go to class.
19. Jealousy turned into jealousy. Don't be a dog. Is it interesting to stab people in the back?
20. On the road of love, I always stop and go, and my mother says I can't walk.
2 1. Don't care too much about your appearance, because your ability will not be written on your face.
22. Primary school tuition, junior high school tuition, senior high school tuition and university tuition.
23. The annual test paper is limited to lead, which can add up to 200 million times around the earth.
24. I've been wondering why the teacher wants to invite parents, a person who hasn't even educated minors, and wants to educate adults.
25. The mosquito was really angry after biting you, but what was even more angry was that it bit you, but you couldn't find it!
26. The art of self-cultivation is actually the art of lying.
27. Sorry, the information you just sent was lost due to the server. Please resend it.
28. There can really be pure friendship between men and women, as long as one kills and the other plays dumb.
29. You are frozen into a ghost in the north, and I show my thighs in the south.
30. With a bang, the Tang Priest and his disciples were startled. When they looked down, someone blew up the mountain and there was rubble everywhere. Tang Priest calmly said: Wukong, your mother gave birth to a second child.
3 1. I never believe that I can make a wish when I see a meteor. I just want to collect dragon balls in a down-to-earth way.
32. Your affectionate thighs block all my paths!
33. See you soon after graduation; Have a wife a year after graduation; Later I regretted having a wife; Later, there was a stepmother; I regret having a stepwife the most.
I like to sleep like a dead pig every day, and I will feel particularly satisfied when I wake up.
35. Woman's signature: Oh! Upgraded version: stop! Extreme Evolution Edition: Sorry!
36. I finally know how to eat Oreos. Why do you shake it first and then lick it? Because then no one will rob it.
37. Find friends, boyfriends, kiss, hold hands and have children at night.
38. There are no inseparable couples, only mistresses who don't work hard.
39. I was playing computer today, and I suddenly thought of starting school. I immediately slapped me, and I didn't concentrate on playing computer.
40. Don't be infatuated with elder brother, my sister-in-law will hit you.