Classmate A: "Look at your long face. What's wrong? " B: "The teacher asked us to write an article entitled" What did I do yesterday "." A: "Well, what did you do yesterday?" B: "Drink." A: "You are so stupid! Let me tell you something. If you keep writing, why not just change the word' drinking' to' reading'? " Inspired, B wrote: "I got up early in the morning and studied for a long time. I thought about it, read the second half in one breath, and felt that it was not enough, so I went to the store and bought another one. " When I came back, I met Li Da who was on the run. When I looked into his eyes, I knew he had read almost 1 Once, a girl in our class sat in the back and listened to the walkman. When her ears were blocked, she spoke loudly. She said to her deskmate, "Let me know when the teacher comes." Almost all the students heard it, even the teacher who wrote on the blackboard was no exception. The teacher looked back at the classmate and said, "I can't go there!" " "2. On the Mid-Autumn Festival in the second year of senior high school, the pager suddenly screamed during class, and the teacher confiscated it. In the afternoon, the teacher called me to the office and severely criticized me, asking me to write a 2000-word examination. Finally, after the training, the teacher touched the desk with his finger and said, "Take it back. "At that time, I was stunned by the training. I looked up at a box of beautifully packaged moon cakes on the table (in fact, it was a welfare given to teachers by the school), and I was so grateful that I completely forgot my own BP machine. I grabbed the moon cake and ran away ... The teacher came out slowly and sighed ... 3. In high school, the first leader of the school had a strong accent. One day at noon, he said on the school radio: "Rooster Rooster, please call all the roosters to the chicken department office to open the waste." "Everyone is wondering, why does the school send benefits every three days? Later, I learned that the original words should be: notice, please all the staff to the branch for a meeting. 4. During the self-study class, the dean of academic affairs came in and said to the monitor, "Help me find two people. I want class flowers. "So the monitor organized the whole class to vote for the class flower, held a class, and finally agreed to choose the two most beautiful girls in the class. So the two girls went to the director shyly, and the director said, "Come with me to the academic affairs office, and I will move flowers ..." 5. When I was in middle school, I sat in the last row, because I didn't understand English class, and I always slept secretly after class. Behind me is the back door of the classroom. Every time after class, my deskmate will wake me up and go out to bask in the sun. One day, the teacher asked me to answer questions for the first time. I was awakened by my deskmate when I was asleep, thinking that class was over, so I got up and opened the back door and walked out of the classroom. Three minutes later, I felt very strange outside the classroom, and then I hurried back to the classroom, only to find that all the teachers and students were in a state of panic ... 6. In high school, after class was over, the students all went outside to buy lunch boxes. A girl took a shortcut to get there before others. The manhole cover in front was not covered properly and she fell! After a while, she climbed up with the edge of the well. She was embarrassed. A group of junior high school students walked by in horror. She was in a hurry and said as she climbed, hey! It's really hard to repair ... 7. Two boys went to the canteen to eat, but unfortunately there was a couple sitting next to them, very much in love and feeding each other. The two brothers couldn't stay any longer, but they didn't say anything. Soon, the couple took the initiative to leave. It turned out that the two brothers also began to feed each other bite by bite ... 8. One day in junior high school, at the school student union, the class teacher wanted the Sports Commission to check whether the girls at work were there. He said to the sports committee (a lecherous boy), "You go and tidy up the girls in the class. "The sports committee member was flattered and asked in a low voice," Kiss first … which one? " The teacher thought for a moment and said, "According to the student number, of course! "9. In the fifth grade of primary school, my classmates and I went out for breakfast. While we were eating, a dog ran to a classmate and wagged its tail. He looked at the dog for a long time and said something for everyone to spray: "call dad, I'll give it to you." 10. The teacher asked a boy who was sleeping in class to answer this question. The boy did not answer. When he was embarrassed, the girl behind quietly told him the answer, but the voice was a little louder and the teacher could hear him. So the teacher said, "I know there is an unknown woman behind every successful man, but it seems a little early? "Everyone is in turmoil. 1 1. The president of a university faces a problem: some girls who love beauty often print their lips on the mirror when applying lipstick in the bathroom. He finally figured out a way to stop the problem before it got out of control. So he called all the girls wearing lipstick and asked them to meet in the bathroom at 2 pm. In the afternoon, in front of many girls, the headmaster instructed the cleaner to take out a long-handled brush, put it in the toilet with water, and then went to the mirror to start scrubbing. Since then, no one has left lip prints on the mirror. 12. There is an American student John in my Chinese class. He is very interested in Chinese characters. One day, John came back from the street and found my office: "Teacher, I think you China people are very modest." "Why? "I'm surprised." I saw many big signs in the street, boasting about themselves, such as: China is good, China people are good, China agriculture is good ... "He regarded" silver "as" very good ". 13. In primary schools, students all take the teacher's words as guidelines. I remember that when the first-grade Chinese teacher came into the classroom, she dipped her hand in saliva, opened the textbook with a "wow" and cleared her throat: "Students, today we are teaching the first lesson, please open your books. "We stared at the teacher one by one, and some students put their fingers into their mouths and dipped their tongues blankly before turning over the books. ...

Prepare for the postgraduate entrance examination and see a joke about reading!

A bachelor's degree or above is a master's degree, a master's degree or above is a doctor, and a doctor's degree or above is a postdoctoral fellow. What about the postdoctoral fellow? If you are brave enough, you will be a warrior in two years, a strong man in five years and a martyr in seven years. What will happen after the martyr? The Ministry of Education will launch a crusade, two years of bronze, five years of silver and seven years of gold. Girls who are willing to study again after graduation have the opportunity to take the exam-Athena? Women should not read too much, because in men's minds, college students are little dragon girls, undergraduates are Zhao Min, graduate students are Huang Rong, doctoral students are Li Mochou, postdoctoral students are extinct teachers, and it is even more terrible to continue studying for master's and doctoral degrees.

It's Dong Fangbubai!

Men should not read much, because in women's minds, the junior college boy is Wei Xiaobao, the undergraduate boy is Duan Yu, the postgraduate boy is Ding Dian, the doctoral boy is Chen Jialuo, and the postdoctoral boy is Ouyang Feng. How about studying for a master's degree and a doctorate?

It's Yue Buqun.

There are two kinds of teachers.

When I was in primary school, I thought there were two kinds of teachers:

One is male and the other is female;

In junior high school, I found that there are still two kinds of teachers:

One can hit people, and the other can't;

Admitted to the university, I found that there are two kinds of teachers:

One is learned and the other is unlearned;

After becoming a teacher, I still found ... there are two kinds of teachers:

One is spineless, the other is spineless.

Indeed *

Teacher grade

All passed .................. Hao Hao teacher.

Take the root sign with 10. Good teacher ..............

No extra points, ....................., your teacher.

......................... X was your teacher when ...

Some people curse ~ ~

(yeah! ! )

When the teacher calls the roll, the students will answer' yes!' But one day, ......

Teacher: Cai Xiaoming.

Classmate: Yes! !

The teacher feels very strange. Why is this classmate different from others?

So he called his name again.

Teacher: Cai Xiaoming.

Classmate: Yes!

The teacher was furious and called the classmate up and asked him why he was different from others.

The classmate replied: Teacher, my last name is Ye!

Teacher: ...........................;

Chickens talk to ducks ~ ~

About $h

After the senior high school entrance examination, at a celebration dinner, the names of two cram schools matched.

A: Looking at the tutorial world, you can be called "the ghost teacher among the ghost teachers"!

B: There, you are the "dead card in the dead card"!

A: I heard that you have been teaching for money! ,

B: Come on, aren't you a tireless destroyer?

Wow ~ that's so cool

Continuous order

One day, Xiaohua was in a composition class, and the title of the composition was:' My wish.'

Xiaohua wrote:' My first wish is to have a lovely baby, and my second wish is hope.

Have a good husband ...'

After the composition book was handed out, I saw the teacher's comment,' Please pay attention to the order!'

Get on the bus first and then make up the ticket ~

redundant

Once in a composition class, a student wrote:' My grandmother is a 70-year-old woman …'

The teacher then circled the word' old age' and marked it' superfluous' next to it, and then sent the composition back.

The next day, the students handed in the revised article, which read:' My grandmother is a seventy-year-old redundant woman ...'

Is it the teacher's fault or the students' stupidity? "

Commit fraud

The law department of a university took the criminal law exam one day.

The first question the professor asked the students was: "What is the crime of fraud?"

The student replied, "If you don't let me pass the exam, it's fraud."

The professor was surprised: "How to explain?" d

The student said, "According to the criminal law, anyone who uses the ignorance of others to make others suffer losses is fraud. " .......

Haha ~ ~ come back later

approve

The handler looked at the check, snapped it back on the counter and said, "Endorse!" " "

Students got a fright, confused and timidly asked:

"Which paragraph do you want to recite?"

The manager went to scare the students.

Three no policies?

In a political class, the teacher said,' What is the three noes policy?'

The student said,' Don't ask me if you don't know.'

This is the so-called new three noes policy ~ ~ ~

A hilarious true story

My friend told me a joke that happened in his house.

Her younger brother in primary school has badminton class the next day.

So her mother helped her brother put the badminton racket in the bag:

As a result, when he took it out in physical education class,

Only to find that his mother brought him an "electric mosquito swatter" ~ ~ ~

Haha ~ ~ ~ ~ He said it was humiliating. The whole class laughed to death.

Fortunately, nothing like this has happened since I joined the badminton club. "

Make a sentence

Dad: Xiaoming ... the exam is coming in a few days ... I'll test you first ... make a sentence with "admiration"!

Xiaoming: I don't know what admiration means. ......

Dad: What about "far"?

Xiaoming: I don't know what distant means. ...

Dad: What about "caring"?

Xiaoming: I don't know what caring means. ....

Dad: Why ... none of them can. ......

Xiaoming: Why not? Didn't I make a sentence for each of you?

This trick is really useful ~ ~

ask for leave

I'm sure you all remember,

When a primary school asks for personal leave, it is necessary to give the leave slip to the teacher in advance.

My classmate teaches the third grade of primary school.

One day, one of her students had to go back to the south because of her grandmother's death.

Therefore, the' reason' of the personal leave list reads:' funeral'.

My classmate corrected him and said that' the reason' should be what people who ask for leave should do.

As a result, the child nodded, took back his seat and changed it, and soon brought the changed personal leave sheet.

I saw' cause' changed from' mourning' to' burial'! "

I wonder how the teacher will react.

Think about electric shock.

Once in class, the teacher suddenly saw a student's right hand in plaster and bandaged.

However, the teacher asked, why haven't I seen you for a few days? What happened to your hand? ^

Health: It's broken.

Teacher: Ah! How did it break?

Health: I broke it because I was too lazy. ...

Teacher: What! Also! Can lazy hands break off?

Health: No! Because I was walking on the road the other day, a pebble touched my shoes. Because I am too lazy to take off my shoes and pour stones, I hold the telephone pole with my right hand and my left foot is dangling in mid-air. I tried to shake the stone down, but suddenly a man ran behind me and broke my hand with a stick. ...

Teacher: Why?

Health: Alas ... He thought I was electrocuted. .............