Zhang Yide's father's name is "Lauder". He is a single father and a famous parenting celebrity on the Internet. Many parenting mothers are his fans. A lot of information about him and Zhang Yide was left on the Internet, mainly to convey this "fatherly love" positively. Looking at it now is heartbreaking and even more suffocating.
It can't be arbitrarily said that Zhang Yide's suicide is directly related to his father, but the children are really too depressed and painful around such a father. No wonder some netizens said, "A father loves a mountain, but a mountain overwhelms his children."
Every time I meet the news of a child's suicide, I can easily substitute into the role of a child and feel the same. These unfortunate moments remind us of our parents' responsibilities.
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"Lauder" is a single father from Guangdong. He was originally a highly educated and high-income corporate executive. 200 1, when her son Zhang Yide was less than one year old, his wife divorced Lauder. An award was given to dad.
In order to take better care of children, "Lauder" quit his high-paying job, sold his house in the center of Tianhe, Guangzhou, and took Yide to a remote suburb to become a full-time nanny.
/kloc-In the past 0/9 years, "Lauder" has no fixed source of income, and has learned to be self-sufficient, farming, growing vegetables, selling chickens and fish, and collecting rags to make a living.
For ten years, he has cooked for his son in different ways, and the menu is not repeated every day. Moreover, those dishes were inspired by a life growth story.
He also tried his best to build a farm for his children, as well as "small amusement parks" such as slides, small trains and boats.
He built a parenting museum for his children and took 200,000 photos during the 17 years when his son was growing up. Take an average of 30 photos every day, and 5 cameras are broken.
He also likes to record the daily life of himself and his son. He has published nearly a thousand articles online, with hundreds of millions of hits and more than one million fans, and is a famous "online celebrity" for parenting.
Lauder's efforts for the children are amazing. I am afraid that everyone will feel ashamed and feel that they can't pay so much for their children. Compared with the ubiquitous father's "widowed parenting", such a single father is really good for children.
At the age of 18, "Lauder" met his second wife with an autistic child. He established a star garden for autistic children and helped a group of "star children" to carry out audio-visual kinesthetic training for free.
Zhang Yide, who grew up in such an environment, is also a good boy.
Zhang Yide has been studying in a private school, and all his subjects are the best in his class. Senior high school won many sports certificates and full scholarships from international schools in three years. First of all, I paid the tuition and living expenses of high school by my own efforts, and got the opportunity to go abroad to participate in summer programs with high scores.
It is said that in senior three, Zhang Yide has been able to act as simultaneous interpreter. In the TOEFL test, he was admitted to Emory University, a top private research university, with a score of only 2 points.
In his usual life, he is also enthusiastic about helping others and donating money and materials for Wuhan in the epidemic.
But why did such an excellent baby choose to end his life after being admitted to an American university? What's wrong with such a good father and son?
Lauder's reaction was,
I wish I could rest in peace.
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After Yide's death, many people began to think that there was a big problem in the way of "Lauder" educating children, which even led Yide to commit suicide directly or indirectly.
Another view is that Yide is too good. If nothing happens to him, everyone may praise Yide's father to the sky. Who knows what was the cause of Yide's death? How can it be said that his father caused his suicide?
Indeed, without evidence, there are many possibilities that cannot be directly attributed. After all, he 19 years old, and he is making his own personal choice. However, we can change the way, and it may be more instructive to discuss only the previous education methods of this "Internet celebrity dad".
Do you want to have a father like Lauder? Would you like to enjoy his heavy fatherly love?
I will only feel genuinely depressed and even afraid. It makes me unable to breathe.
"A sense of security for the elderly" is good for children, and the training of children has already exceeded the normal demand range, which is already a bondage and bondage.
It is normal to often think about giving children better food and changing patterns; However, I haven't cooked repeated dishes for ten years. Every day's dishes are meaningful, and it is not normal to pay too much energy.
It is normal to help children learn English and create an environment; But it is not normal to carve 250 thousand English letters for children to learn English.
After the wealth is free and the income is worry-free, it is normal for men to resign and take care of their children, although it is rare; But the executive resigned, sold the house, and then moved around. They rely on picking up garbage, growing vegetables and selling vegetables to maintain the basic life of their father and son, and rely on the rewards and subsidies of netizens to pay tuition fees to survive. This is not only abnormal, but also harmful to others and yourself.
It is normal to keep the old things that children are growing up; However, the nursery has been built, and the gaze and attention to children have exceeded the limit, and the breathing has been recorded, which is abnormal.
There are several other things that are also surprising.
According to news reports, from birth to the age of three, "Lauder" deliberately refused to speak Chinese with him and kept "communicating in English". After the age of three, children are not allowed to speak, so they can only write their own demands with pens and cultivate their "communication skills". If you want to have a sip of coke, you can only draw it with strokes, otherwise "old" will be ignored.
It has been reported in the news that "Lauder" asked eight-year-old children to cook a meal for forty or fifty people alone in order to "exercise their self-care ability". These dozens of people are fans of Lauder. Lauder asked the children to entertain the fans in order to raise tuition fees.
It is expensive for children to enter private schools in high school. "Lauder" requires children to take into account the responsibility of collecting junk when they go to their classmates' homes, and bring the waste back to sell money. ...
How painful are these for children?
In this story, Lauder's strictness to children is not strict to children, but to shape children into a work by force, which can project the distorted will of the father.
"Being old" is good for children, which is a kind of performance personality and full of unnecessary self-touching. Cooking every day for ten years is not repeated, every meal has a story, and carving 250 thousand English is not good for my son's growth.
Under the banner of "for children", he didn't go to work and quit his well-paid job. As a result, his father and son even had difficulty eating. They had to pick up garbage and rely on netizens to subsidize relief. They have done this for 19 years. If there is no difficulty, it is necessary to create difficulties. Let the children live this life, just to satisfy the father's personal "legend."
What "Lauder" did shaped the "parenting myth", but he selectively ignored the things behind the myth.
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Although Lauder's performance personality is too serious and his unique way of educating children has become his personal design and selling point, I can't say that Lauder is not sincere at all.
In the description of "Lauder", all the relatives and friends around him left him, so he couldn't communicate with people normally, and his wife divorced him without hesitation just after giving birth to a child. His life has been a failure, and his children are his only hope. Moreover, in shaping the "product" of children, he won many fans and praises, inspiring him to go further and further on this road.
His life has no other meaning except his son. He spends all his energy and strength staring at his children. He wants to live in a child's body.
Zhang Yi did really well, probably much better than children under general education. But this kind of life is too hard for a big child who has just grown up. He can't refuse, because his father devoted his life to him and gambled on all his glory and dreams. He can't escape the heavy love.
If I were Zhang Yide, I would feel guilty with every bite. Every word I read is my father's contribution. I have eaten him all my life, and he has nothing but me. I'm in pain, too This is not what I want.
There are not many people like "Lauder" because there are not many men raising children, and such fathers are rare; But this kind of mother is still quite common.
I once met a woman who told a story about herself and her children. She is a professional woman herself and has a good job. But no matter how busy she is, she cooks a nutritious meal for her six-year-old daughter every day and counts the number of vegetables and meat in her daughter's room to avoid unbalanced or excessive nutrition. Don't drink coke, hamburgers, fried food, fast food and snacks, because it is unhealthy; Every morning, cut fruit pieces and take them to kindergarten in a fresh-keeping box for them to eat after meals ... and children's clothes are washed by hand from birth, because they are worried that there will be bacterial residues in the washing machine. Of course, children are not allowed to play like this. ...
When telling you these details, she felt that her experience was so successful that it was worth learning.
Others asked her: Is the child like this?
She said, no, she's bored to death. I have to say it a hundred times every day, only to find out that she secretly drinks coke and secretly pours my fruit pieces. I was so angry that I didn't even listen to the scolding.
In fact, after the fruit is cut, it is easy to breed bacteria, and it is easy to deteriorate when it is hot, which is much healthier than the "unhealthy food" she banned.
What she has done with so much effort is not a good thing for children, but a bad thing. The whole family is in pain. But the feeling of "I have done so much for you" has become the coronation of "perfect mother".
There is a story told by another person in Weibo.
Such parents just want their children to enter an unfair place. In order to make their children feel indebted to their parents from every small matter, they feel that they are not worthy of anything, and that living is their parents' burden.
Tell your child every day, "How many sacrifices have I made for you", "What have I lost for you" and "The hope of the whole family is on you". Why not live up to expectations "... who would want to stay in such a life? The child can't refute, but he will only feel in his heart: this is not what I want. You forced this on me.
It is unbearable to project life on children. It is a tragedy that Zhang Yi can bid farewell to this world in his own way. Most children have grown up normally and returned to normal life. However, it doesn't mean that this oppression from parents' throats doesn't hurt them. Sometimes, this kind of trouble is to follow for a lifetime.
What is the true love of parents and what is the desire for control?
1, love is considered from the perspective of children, moderate. Control is what I've done. Why can't you repay me?
3. Love is "I am happy to do things for you", and control is "I am too bitter, too bitter, too bitter for you".
4. Love is willing to listen. Control is "you must listen to me".
5. Love means "My parents are busy, but they care about you the most", and control means "You are the only one in my life."
6. Love is empathy and love is relaxation.
What I want to say more is that parents should distinguish what is not important. Nutritional balance is necessary, but it is not necessary to repeat samples every day for ten years; There is no need to force children to eat anything; It is unnecessary to get up at four or five every morning to cook porridge and have breakfast. There is no need for children to get their clothes and hands dirty. It is unnecessary to recite many ancient poems and English words at the age of three. There is no need to force a child to learn musical instruments and hobbies that he is not interested in at all.
What you think "should" is far from the real needs of children.
The more parents do this, the greater the sacrifice, and the more painful the child will be. You think it's a favor, but it may be a grudge.
These frustrations and pains will take many, many years for children to digest.