Appreciate the four "basic principles" of children?
Appreciating children is a common means of education for parents. Appreciating children can inspire people to make progress, make children with low self-esteem regain their self-confidence, raise their heads and be human beings, and also make successful children meet new challenges with high fighting spirit. However, appreciation also has its scope of application. We must grasp the discretion and timing. Excessive appreciation will make children blindly arrogant and condescending, which will not only fail to achieve the expected purpose, but also have some side effects. So, how should parents properly appreciate their children, inspire them and turn them into practical actions? Through the analysis and research of a large number of cases, the author thinks that the appreciation of children should follow the following four "basic principles".
Principle 1: Proceed from reality and be good at discovering children's own advantages.
Starting from reality, it is not an exaggeration to ask parents to start from the actual situation of their children and ask them to have one, one or two children.
Parents' words and deeds always affect their children's growth. Unrealistic praise sounds good, but if children can't resist the attack of this sugar-coated cannonball, they will retreat if they don't advance, which will affect the formation of normal psychology.
Li Dongming's academic performance in junior high school is average. Once he got full marks in mathematics. When he handed his report card to his father, his father said excitedly, "Son, you got all the difficult questions right. My father really admires you. Dad wanted to reward you with an MP3, but your grades in other subjects are average, and you haven't passed English yet. When you get good grades in the final exam, I will reward you with this MP3. " However, my mother was overjoyed with her report card and said, "Obviously, you are really my mother's good son. I got full marks in math this time, and I will give my mother full marks in chemistry and physics next time! " Obviously, you are the smartest child in the school, and you can do it. "Husband and wife treat their sons differently, and the results will be different. Although most children are willing to accept their parents' praise, they are also self-aware and can tell whether their parents' praise is in line with reality. Children will not agree with those empty words and unrealistic praise. On the contrary, they will think that their parents' praise is too watery, resulting in negative emotions or resistance.
Principle 2: Appreciation should be moderate, not just praise and appreciation.
Appreciation is the affirmation and encouragement given by parents to children after their success. Generally speaking, praise is a good thing, but it is not necessarily a good thing to praise children blindly. In daily life, why are there many children crying and yelling because they failed in competitions or exams? This shows that the child's ability to resist setbacks is very poor, but he can't afford to lose if he wins. Their psychology is extremely fragile, and once they encounter contradictions, they are as depressed as frosted eggplant. Therefore, parents should master a certain scale of appreciation of their children, learn to criticize in appreciation, and learn to appreciate in criticism, so that children can taste the sweetness without suffering. Xin Huang is a sophomore in a middle school. He is the top student in his class and plays the piano very well. Last year, he won the first prize of piano in the youth talent competition held in our province, and his classmates called him "the piano prince". After returning home, Xin Huang reported the results to his parents. His father said solemnly, "First of all, I would like to express my heartfelt congratulations on your achievements. This is a Beethoven symphony that my mother bought for you as a reward, but you should keep working hard. But this is really just the beginning. In addition, if you look at the transcript of the mid-term exam, your Chinese composition is only half tested ... How can you create after you can't even learn Chinese well! "
At the same time, appreciation should be carried out selectively and moderately according to the specific environment and different objects at that time. Parents only need to give general encouragement to their children's always good aspects and give general affirmation to the level that their children should be able to achieve, so that they will not praise them too often and cultivate their pride.
Principle 3: Learn to respect and understand children.
In real life, many parents pretend to be me and ignore their children's feelings. For example, in learning, they set heavy learning tasks for their children and force them to attend various super-long classes. Once their children make any mistakes, they will give them a slap in the face. In fact, children have their own personality and preferences, and they also need respect and understanding. Some children are good at art, but not at playing the piano. Some children are good at math, but poor at Chinese. Therefore, parents should respect their children's personality characteristics when educating their children, and encourage them regularly in their weaknesses, so that children can never like something and become really fond of it in praise. When Zhang Dongli took the senior high school entrance examination, his parents hoped that he would enroll in high school and enter the university in the future, but he filled in a vocational secondary school in the volunteer column and chose cooking as his major. It turned out that Zhang Dongli liked to make pots and pans since he was a child. His parents often didn't eat at home, so he made it alone and bought a lot of recipes to try to learn. Interestingly, every major festival, the chef in the kitchen is not mom and dad, but him, and Zhang Dongli's skills are getting better and better. Although he hoped that his son could be admitted to the university, when Zhang Dongli reported to the vocational high school with his schoolbag on his back, his parents were very relieved and said to him, "Go your own way, son, we believe in you, and you will certainly succeed in this field in the future." ?
Principle 4: Treat children's right and wrong sincerely.
Whether the child is doing right or wrong, whether the parents agree or criticize the child for doing well, both sides hope to treat each other sincerely. Children need the respect and understanding of their parents. On the contrary, parents also want their children to know their good intentions. Some parents around us only allow their children to do the right thing and don't allow their children to make mistakes. If they find that their children have made a little mistake, they will be furious and seriously injured. "Look at your silly appearance, when can I rest assured!" "Without you, your mother and I don't know how much money to save?" "If you can't get into a key high school, don't call me mom" ... These words are simple, but the harm to children is huge and intangible. Because the child is in adolescence and very rebellious. If he has a slight disagreement with his parents, he will not talk to his parents for a month or even run away from home. Therefore, when parents appreciate their children, they should have heart-to-heart communication with their children with a pure and healthy attitude and positive emotions. Let children be persuaded by touching stories or personal experiences, and let them gain inspiration and strength, so as to achieve the expected results.