With the increasing pressure of modern life, many people will use some ways to release their pressure, and jokes are one of them. The following are the humorous jokes of women that I have carefully arranged. Welcome to read!

　 1) ? Lao Zhang's lawyer said to him, "There is good news and bad news." Lao Zhang said, "Let's talk about the good news first." The lawyer said, "The good news is that your wife found a photo worth 200 thousand." Lao Zhang asked, "What's the bad news?" The lawyer said, "That's a picture with your secretary."

　2) ? One day, Wang Nima went to the bathhouse to take a bath. It's cool to find an uncle dancing. So Wang Nima went to ask him for advice. Wang Nima: Uncle, how can you dance so cool? The dancing uncle came up to me without saying anything and turned my water temperature switch to the highest. Wipe ... your sister!

　3) ? I found the beautiful woman staring at me all the time at the opposite dining table. I was so excited. Is it because of my newly bought dress? Or is it because of my new hairstyle yesterday? My heart is beating, don't mention how happy I am! At this time, she stood up, walked slowly towards me and said to me affectionately: Brother, can you put on your shoes in the restaurant? This is a restaurant, not a foot washing shop. How can we eat if you take off your shoes?

　4) ? Lao Zhang suffered from insomnia and went to the hospital to see a doctor. The doctor said, "When you can't sleep at night, just lie in bed and take a deep breath, and imagine that you are at the seaside, and the sea is hitting the shore wave after wave." A few days later, when Lao Zhang went for a follow-up visit, he said to the doctor, "No, I still can't sleep!" The doctor asked, "You didn't do it my way, did you?" Lao Zhang said, "I did exactly as you said." The doctor said, "Then why can't you sleep?" Lao Zhang said: "There are always some beautiful women in bikinis walking around on the shore!"

　5) ? I asked my niece: What was the score today? The niece said: 93 points. I took the test paper and read it, and said: You got 3 points, and you dare to say that you got 93, lying! As a result, she cried and said, I said, just 3 points!

　6) ? At that time, lz28 (age is true) chatted with the uncle of a roadside stall. Grandpa: The young man is 40 this year? Cut you ignorant _ me: Where? I am 48 years old. (Fuck him) Grandpa: I can't tell! Quite young! It left me speechless.

　7) ? Three men are discussing the ways to relieve drunkenness. A said, "My wife always prepares fruit, cold boiled water and strong tea for me, and I am much more awake the next morning!" " B said, "You are not treated as well as me! My wife massages me every time and wakes up in the middle of the night! " C shook his head disdainfully and said, "Fuck, I usually wake up when I get home after I get drunk!" " Party A and Party B asked curiously, "What hangover cure did your wife prepare for you?" "Mops, soles and rolling pins!" C said faintly.

　8) ? Recently, constipation is very severe and painful. I just went to the toilet to squat, and a buddy in the pit next to me was also groaning dully. I asked him, "Constipation?" Buddy: "Hmm." After a few minutes, suddenly there was a "boo" sound from the buddy's pit. I said with some envy, "Congratulations!" The buddy replied: "grass, the phone fell."

　9) ? Every day, the girl will come to his shop for dinner, sit by the window and order two sets of meals. Every time he asked about several dinners, she was always shy to say two, but then she ate it silently alone. He thought maybe there was someone who was with the girl, but that person was gone. Finally, one day, he wanted to ask and listen to the girl's story, but he heard the girl say to herself, "The amount of two servings is so small that it is not enough to eat!"

　 10) ? My mother dragged me out shopping this morning. She said she didn't want to disturb my father's sleep. Just leave him a note. I watched her take out hundreds of dollars from my dad's wallet, and then left a note for my dad, "I took my children out shopping and took some money from your wallet." Okay？ Ok. " Then my mother took me to spend money with peace of mind.

　 1 1) ? The host of the activity in the supermarket downstairs said: I once asked an abbot in a temple. I asked him, what would you do if a woman was lying naked in your room? I saw the abbot's hands together and said, Amitabha, how can there be such a good thing? Is there any man in this world who can resist this temptation? Really?

　 12) ? I have been single for more than 20 years. Today, I went to a fortune teller to calculate a divination. The fortune teller said that I would have a good luck in the near future, and gave me a business card to tell me the specific situation by telephone. In the evening, I called the above phone, and a woman answered it. I chatted with her for a while, and she promised to meet me at the hotel. That night, the night charter cost me 800 yuan, but I still think the fortune teller is really accurate.

　 13) ? Grandma, mom, chat with my living room. "Mom, look, all my classmates are married!" "You are content, my classmates have gone abroad, and I don't envy them." Mom said. Grandma said unhurriedly, "Are you both satisfied? My classmates are all at funerals!" "

　 14) ? Once the teacher was talking about the word "greed" in class. The bell rang suddenly, and the teacher said that I would talk for a while so that you could absorb more knowledge. I said, "teacher, we are not greedy, so much knowledge is enough." Teacher, don't be greedy, and don't want our time any more. " Then the teacher beat me up and left.

　 15) ? The nurse said to the dean, "The patient in bed 12 has a heart attack again." The hospital director said, "When did this happen? Isn't he cured?" The nurse said, "It was when I saw the medical bill for discharge."

　 16) ? The doctor announced to the patient sadly, "Your condition is beyond saving! Please arrange the funeral! " The patient lay on the hospital bed and waved feebly and said, "Yes, yes." Family members approached and asked, "What?" The patient said, "Change to another doctor!"

　 17) ? Two people are discussing the hospital bill, which was given to Xiao Zhang, a new father, by Lao Wang, the president of the hospital. Xiao Zhang said: "The delivery room is too expensive. You should know that I didn't send my wife in time. The baby was born on the hospital lawn." Dean Wang took the bill, crossed out the delivery room fee and filled in the lawn use fee.

　 18) ? A child accidentally swallowed a coin, and everyone was very anxious. At this time, a middle-aged man strode forward, grabbed the child and picked him up. The big head shook down a few times, and the child spit out coins. The child's parents thanked him and asked, "Are you a doctor?" He said, "No, I work in the tax bureau."

　 19) ? The salted fish asked the Zen master: It is said that salted fish sometimes turn over, so when can I turn over? Zen master: Don't worry, you will be able to turn over in a minute. The Zen master said to the monks, We've eaten enough here. Let's eat the other side! As he spoke, he turned the salted fish over.

　20) ? Today, I played with my daughter-in-law all day, and I want to go to a restaurant to have a meal at night, and I want to ask my daughter-in-law what to eat. Daughter-in-law said: Just go to KFC and have a bucket of the whole family. I said, can you pursue something? Daughter-in-law thought for a long time and said, then come to two barrels!

　2 1) ? My roommate, surnamed Zhang, has an object, and they are inseparable every day. One day, they quarreled, and her roommate still cried there, so she gritted her teeth and stamped her foot, and said to herself, After we get married, we will have children and take your surname. His date just smiled through tears. But the problem is that his partner is also surnamed Zhang. How clever he is!

　22) ? Old people will say thank you, young man! When I give up my seat, those people say thank you, fatty! Give me my seat back!

　23) ? I finally saw how much women can talk today. Today, when I went to work and opened the elevator, I saw two beautiful women gawking at me. I asked, What's wrong with me? A beautiful woman said: no, we have been chatting for more than half an hour, wondering why the elevator hasn't arrived for so long. You came in and found that we forgot to press it!

　24) ? Living and sleeping with a friend of the same sex, since the idiot friend checked the precautions of menstrual period on the internet (online said that the most important thing is not to oppress the nerves), I don't know what position to sleep in, so I kept my backrest posture, because I was afraid of the cold, so I leaned very tightly. Suddenly, she drank: Don't squeeze my sanitary napkin out of shape, or you will wash the sheets tomorrow …

　25) ? Lili: "Is your license plate number 16888?" Xiaohong: "Yes." Lili: "I almost saw your husband and a charming woman today!" " Xiaohong: "What?" Lili: "Today, I saw a car with the license plate number 16887. There was a man and a beautiful woman in the car!" "

　26) ? "What can I do? My mother doesn't like every girlfriend of mine. " Xiaogang said to his friend. The friend said, "that's easy, just find a girlfriend like you!" " Xiao Gang said, "Then my dad doesn't agree!"

　27) ? A wordy person asked, "Why is your pig so embarrassed?" The neighbor said, "Because he refused to eat." The wordy man asked, "Why?" The neighbor said, "I refuse to eat because my mouth is too long." The wordy man asked, "Why is your mouth too long to eat?" The neighbor said, "With a long mouth like this, you only care about getting to the bottom of it, where can you afford to eat?"

　28) ? I once watched a movie with a little sadness in the cinema, and the little master's tears came down. When everyone on the side took out paper towels in succession, there was a very untimely sound ... that is, snoring, which was higher than one. The little master experienced a so-called smile through tears. Later, it was estimated that his girlfriend called him, and the snoring disappeared. Soon after, when the next sad scene came up, the purr sounded again at the right time ~ drunk, really intoxicating, the little master didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

　29) ? A group of men followed a girl nearby, and I, unknown so, followed her secretly. The person next to me and I said that this girl was good, showing beautiful legs. No wonder you guys followed her secretly! I didn't know it was a beating, Nima. It turned out to be a bodyguard hiding in the dark.

　30) ? I stopped at a red light in my car and accidentally farted. It stinks. Just press the window. Unexpectedly, I saw a beautiful woman in the adjacent lane. I nodded shyly, but the beauty rolled down the window and smiled at me. So I pushed myself and asked, "Did you fart, too?"

　3 1) ? It's raining today. It's a little fast to drive out to play. There was a pool of water on the side of the road, and I accidentally spilled it all over my buddy. I stopped and wanted to go back and apologize to this buddy. When I went back, I splashed all over him again. Now I'm embarrassed and ready to go. As a result, I splashed all over him again! The rearview mirror saw this guy with a brick in his hand and glared at the front.

　32) ? I had a barbecue with a group of people the other day, and it was delicious! Next to me, I handed over a chicken wing and said something that I will never forget. "Eat another one, watch what you chew, and the dog will cry."

　33) ? There is a sister paper in the company whose fingerprints can't be punched every day (many people have this experience). Today, she punched in front of me. I told her to give you a chance. If you can't hit it, you can give it to me. As a result, you really can't hit it. Sister paper rubbed her thumb on my face, then shouted, and borrowed your handsome face to use it. You guessed it. My nickname is punch card artifact now!

　34) ? Xiaowen's grandfather told Xiaowen a story: "Thirty years ago, it would be poor. I was waiting for the bus at the station with your father in my arms, and people laughed at your ugly dad, so I cried. A kind-hearted fruit seller handed me a banana and said, "Don't cry, big nephew. Look, the monkeys are hungry and all their hair has fallen out." Give this banana to it quickly. "

　35) ? Today, my friend had a fight with a Wang across the hall. The two children look strangely alike. As a result, the child of Lao Wang next door is a friend ...

　36) ? Today, my friend moved to a new home, a newly developed community, with this as the background. I went to a friend's house for a day, but it was my first time. I don't know. Then when I took the elevator, a sister went up with me. It was beautiful. She pressed the elevator first, only to see a pencil from her pocket and pressed it. I thought to myself, there are cleanliness addicts, and I really don't understand those cleanliness addicts Then I pressed it, and the damn elevator leaked electricity.

　37) ? Suddenly, a man came in with a little girl while taking a bath in the public bathhouse. All the guests in the bathhouse felt overwhelmed. What's more, when the little girl saw that thing, she actually asked: Dad, which thing is what? Why don't I have it? You have to buy one for me.

　38) ? A friend of mine finally bought a car and took me for a ride. When he arrived in a village, chickens flew and dogs jumped, and the bodies were everywhere. The tough friends didn't know how much it cost. When they got home, they invited their brothers and sisters to eat roast chicken, roast duck and roast dog.

　39) ? I saw a lot of married and loving people in my circle of friends, and I was very emotional. I told my mother next to me that I wanted to get married, too. Who knows, my mother was shocked and yelled at her father who was watching TV: Old man, your stupid son finally got the hang of it. ...

　40) ? A colleague just bought a new car with a temporary license! Other colleagues told him that temporary cards can run red lights, that's all right! The next day at work, I was glad to tell us that it was fucking cool to run a red light! On the third day, I was angry and said that I was deducted 6 points! When asked how the temporary card was detained, he said that he didn't know, and the traffic police stopped it and detained it. Brother, who let you see the traffic police breaking in?

　4 1) ? At night, there was an uncle who pulled Ma Touqin by the side of the bridge. He stopped to listen for a while, and there was a big brother in front of me who stopped to listen. After a while, the music stopped, and the big brother quickly shouted that the three strings were really unique. I clearly saw that the old man put away his instrument and coughed two channels: This is erhu. Don't scream if you don't know it. It's not shameful enough. Brother left with a red face and a thick neck. Just now, I thought what instrument was that?

　42) ? Leader, the bonus you gave me is a little too much. Is it? Let me see. I like an honest employee like you. decimal point ...

　43) ? Today, I watched "The Foolish Man Moves Mountains" again. The foolish man's spirit deeply touched me and inspired me: Let's go and find a girlfriend first, or someone will give me a son without a son.

　44) ? A female friend is lovelorn, saying: Goddess doesn't cry. Line up for comments below, the goddess doesn't cry, stand up and sigh. My cheap comments, the goddess did not cry, stood up and gave me a sigh, and the result was blacked out.

　45) ? I sat next to Indian Asan by plane and chatted for a while. Asan said that it is too inconvenient for you people in China to eat with chopsticks. I said this is a kind of kung fu, a kind of culture. A San said that he didn't understand, saying that it was better to use his hands, not limited by methods and ingredients, and eating was cool! As soon as I heard it, I became angry. I refused to accept the special treatment and got off the plane and went straight to the hot pot restaurant with Ah San. ......

　46) ? Driving to work this morning, a small BMW chased me. When I got off the bus, I saw that it was driven by a M M. I saw this M M crying and said, I was wrong, I made a mistake, please forgive me! When I looked at this M M, I was crying pear flowers with rain, and I couldn't bear it. I said to her, it's not that I don't forgive you, it's really your sister-in-law, and I dare not forgive you.

　47) ? A: I almost fell asleep in the car today. Already: I fell asleep when I fell asleep. What a big deal. A: I'm a fucking driver!

　48) ? A colleague went home happily for a blind date, and then came back without saying anything! Curious, we went to his house in a group, and then saw a woman of his mother's level ... My colleagues and I were shocked!

　49) ? After the winter vacation exam, the report card was issued, and I got a score of 18 when I looked at math. It was changed to 78 on the report card first, and then I thought that it was fake anyway, so I simply changed it to 98 again. When I took it home, my mother said that I changed my grades indiscriminately. I'm very upset. I don't want my mother to say again, "I can see clearly that it is 78 points, why should I change it to 98 points?" But 78 points is better than your previous exam. I still want to reward you.

　50) ? At a table in a bar, two men looked almost the same age. One of them was drunk and said loudly, "I slept with your mother." At once, the whole house was quiet. Then the drunken man said again, "I slept with your mother." Everyone wants to see how another man responds. Don't want to, the man said faintly: "Dad, you are drunk. Let's go home! "

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