Classic jokes: Our girls three turn back Our girls a turn back, the secretary dean jumped off the building Our girls two turn back, the water of the Yangtze River to flow backward Our girls three turn back, the recovery of Taiwan do not have to worry!
Classic jokes: birthday gift wife's birthday, the husband bought a pair of jewelry for his wife, his wife looked at the value of the jewelry is very happy, after viewing, his wife said: "Honey, if you buy me a Mercedes-Benz sedan, is not more affordable?"
"Yes," said the husband offhandedly, "but unfortunately Mercedes-Benz sedans aren't available in fake form yet!"
Classic Joke: Free Love A family is having a new house, and everyone wants the bride and groom to talk about how they met and got married. The bride shyly he said: "We are free love." The groom hastened to add: "good, is free love, I put more than ten years of savings to your mother, so that you get free."
Classic joke: courtship One day, a small handsome man and a pretty girl in northern Jiangsu Province met on the train. After a classic "good boy deaf first hole, leeks fried onions", small handsome brother took out a deck of cards and pretty girl to play:
Small handsome brother: QQK? Girl: 8Q! (No talk)
$%......!
The train is almost at the station, the little handsome man is not dead, so he took out his playing cards again:
Little handsome man: 3QQK? (talk about it again)
Pretty girl: 948Q!!!! (just don't talk about it)
Small handsome: -%￥......)
Classical joke: a middle school student's confession In my mind, the teacher is the most ferocious, every day after class until seven or eight o'clock
Back at home, my father is the most ferocious, and every day I beat me to the face
Mother's absence, my mother is the most ferocious, every day I beat me to the face
There are a lot of things that I have to do.
When my dad was away, my mom was the meanest, and she never let up on my homework
After my mom left, my old man was the meanest, rummaging through the cupboards and having a drink whenever he wanted to.
Classic joke: being liked by ghosts, have you ever thought about it? I remember that morning, I took the bus, unintentionally, saw a school left camp high school a female classmate, I took a look at her, immediately attracted to her, the length of the hair, bright a big eye. When I stared at her, I was inadvertently discovered by her, so we both lowered our heads in embarrassment. From then on, I would go to school every day to catch her on the bus, in order to be able to look at her. After a week or so, something strange happened, I didn't see her every day.
After another two weeks, I saw her again, but this time it was her eyes that were dull and pale, and even more surprisingly, she didn't get off the bus at the Zuoying North Station (which is usually the same place), and it was the same thing for the next few days.
One day, I finished my math, went to eat a meal, it was more than eight o'clock in I went to wait for the bus, a while, the bus came, I took it, a car, I saw the girl again, expressionless sitting at the end, I was too tired, sat down and fell asleep. Suddenly, I woke up from my sleep, I feel that the breathing is not very smooth, eyes can only slightly open, call can not be called out, I was afraid, simply close your eyes, strange thing is that, a closed eyes, uncomfortable also disappeared.
I vaguely put that I want to get off the station, so I was bold, fight to open the eyes, actually all right, but one thing and let me fooled, I saw a male, strangling the female students, at once she has been struggling to call, outrageous is that the driver with the original do not turn around to look at the driver in front of the driver, and he said that some people in the back of the fight, the two of us at the same time to see the back of the moment, I sweated straight up, and I saw the female students, and I was very happy. I only saw the female classmate, still sitting safely in the back, with a strange look to me, and the man, long gone, I suddenly flew out of my mind, quickly told the driver to stop, I rushed out of the car, desperately running to my house, suddenly, I saw a person in front of me, a pale face, vomit, no, it was her she happened to be blocking the way in front of me, I was weak in the legs, kneeling down to the ground, closed my eyes, I thought what do you want, I'll give it to you. I'll give you whatever you want! We have nothing against each other, why do we have to do this? The strange thing is, I read the end, the fear also disappeared, I opened my eyes again she disappeared, I have a heart of seven up and down, fearful of walking back home.
The next Sunday, I had a sudden idea, I wanted to go to check it out, so I called a few friends together to ask, I had already drawn her face) One of my friends asked and remembered that she was strangled to death by a man on the bus a few weeks ago, when I heard about it, I had no idea that I was in a cold sweat again.
At night again, I hid in my home and did not dare to go out, suddenly I heard someone coming up the stairs, and again a cold sweat, the strange thing is that I seemed to see her, but as if I did not see, then I can not line up the face, feel, she came to me, shed tears, said some seemingly nothing, but I understand it. They were as follows: "I am very sorry! It has broken your spirit greatly! Its time when I was still alive, the first time I saw you, I like you, but I have now ...... "Halfway through the speech, suddenly I regained consciousness, and since then, no matter in the daytime, late at night, on the road, on the bus. I have never seen this girl ...... I write this, cold sweat and straight flow, I can never forget this strange encounter.
Classical jokes: wonderful small steal corrupt officials Corrupt officials greedy, money plus power, free and easy to race gods.
There are ten layers of protective armor inside, a fence outside, a big mountain at the back, and an umbrella at the top of the head.
It is difficult to uncover greed, and it is difficult to punish greed.
The thief can penetrate the heart armor, the thief can put the wall drilling, the stolen mouth is difficult to report, the corruption is revealed.
To fight poison with poison and watch a good show, the wonderful thief stole the corrupt officials!
I would like to see the thief go straight and form a thief purge group
Classic Joke: Corrupt Official's View of Friendship Lover is too tired, Miss is too expensive, friendship is the most affordable It's okay to open a "class reunion" to break up a pair of pairs
This is a classic joke. >Classic Joke: Ten kinds of love legend "Big Story" in a variety of love, can be said to be a variety of colors, five colors, five poison all ... I will be divided into five times two types, one by one:
The most important thing is that the treasure of the love of the white Jingjing
It can be said that from seeing Bai Jingjing's first glance, one of Zun Zun Bao. This love with "big words" in the line is: "in a dark and windy eerie night, I am the supreme treasure, you are white Jingjing, marvelous love from the bridge on this point of fire began, I just turned around, you suddenly to me a finger, my whole hand on fire. You also want to rush over to me to fight desperately fight desperately fight desperately fight desperately fight, not not not so fight, this way this way this way this way, yes that's the way to fight, do you see? Later development I can use a phrase 'peaks and valleys' to describe, because all of a sudden killed a Bull Demon King.
At that time, after you took a dragon bone in your hand and fought the Bull Demon King, you also caught me back to the Pansi Cave. The saying that time flies like an arrow really isn't bad at all, because it's only in a flash that we get to the point. At the top of Broken Rock is when the feelings broke out, when I touched you recklessly and you touched me recklessly, and made a vow never to part. Unfortunately, happiness is always short-lived, and all it got in return was endless pain and long sighs, why did you die see? The only way I could find out the truth was to use the Moonlight Treasure Gold to turn back the clock, and I finally realized that you had committed suicide! At the last minute I was able to bring you back to life! But the last time the time backward flow moonlight treasure box malfunction I 'couch' a bang back to five hundred years ago ...... so." The love affair was fruitless because the Supreme Being changed his mind, so the Supreme Being is really a lover.
Supreme Respect and Zixia Fairy love - have a destiny but no points type
This is also the "big story" in the most touching love story, a tragic end of the love story. Supreme Treasure came to five hundred years ago, was Zixia point three hemorrhoids pulled out the purple sword, this fate seems to be all arranged by heaven, but heaven is also destined that they can not be together forever, the tears on the prediction of the tragic outcome. The supreme treasure to Zixia said the most beautiful lie, that is not his true words, only when he saw. Heart of the tears when everything can not be undone when he realized, this is exactly: this love can wait to become memories, just then has been confused.
The second master and the spring thirty sister - the marriage type
While the second master has long said "in such a critical time and still care so much about me, love you 10,000 years Bu 'but the spring thirty sister but in the birth of the Tang Monk before he called the second master as the I'm not sure if you've ever seen a man like me before, but I'm sure you've never seen a man like me before, and I'm sure you've never seen a man like me before.
Zhizunbao and Xiangxiang - forced into marriage
The King of Ox Devil's hand, married his sister to Zhizunbao, which was actually a misunderstanding because Zhizunbao was not the Monkey King at that time, but it also made Xiangxiang look drooling.
Sun Wukong and Princess Iron Fan - extramarital love type
To be honest, I think the original Sun Wukong is really very flowery, even Princess Iron Fan also like, taste is too bad, right? Maybe each to their own, and the Monkey King is also very good at talking, for example, called Princess Iron Garden for the little sweet, huh?
The Bull Demon King and Princess Iron Fan - broken relationship type
The Bull Demon King married Zixia as his wife, Princess Iron Fan like Sun Wukong this white boy, but the Wu Demon King is still a little bit afraid of his wife, but the hands, of course, or the Bull Demon King has a force.
Sun Wukong and Bai Jingjing - messy give and take type
500 years ago, the Sun Wukong is really a philandering young man, cheated Jingjing's feelings, if not for the emergence of the supreme treasure, I'm afraid that Jingjing is still a heart in the body of the Sun Wukong, the Sun Wukong's feelings for the White Jingjing is very much like the Golden Snake Langjun Xia Xueyi on the feelings of the He Red Medicine. The same.
Sha monk and Xiang Xiang - a show of retreat
This pair of old reminiscent of Wei Xiaobao and Princess Jianning in the "Book of the Deer and the Tripod". When Xiang Xiang and Sha Monk swapped bodies, Xiang Xiang said, "Brother! (Hit by a punch from Sha Monk) So manly! (Hit by another punch) I like it!" What do you guys think this is if not show luck?
Supreme Treasure and the blind man - homosexual type
This is really a bit perverted to say the least, and it is the blind man's wishful thinking for the supreme treasure, the blind man said: "(make intimate gesture) people are a piece of heart to you!" Oh, it is really meat numb. When Zhi Zun Bao looked at Bai Jing Jing, the one who cried the most was of course the blind man who was in love with him.
City head man and woman - long-lasting type
"Big talk" in the happiest pair, there is a best ending, can also be said to be the supreme treasure and Zixia's afterlife, they are cast shares in the earth's supreme treasure and Zixia fairy, when the gods! When the time can not be together, and Toshiba in the mortal world can be long-lasting, supreme treasure and Zixia's love shuttle in the five hundred years, touching the sky and earth, in the human world to get eternity.
"Big story" love story or to the end of the long-lasting, it is:
Shuttle through time and space to meet. The story of the love story is still in the end of a long period of time.
The world is a world of envy, only envious of lovebirds, not envious of immortality.
Classic Joke: There is a man in the closet Sad - came home from work and found a man in the closet.
Fooled - wife said he came to visit the closet and believed him.
Foolish - Warmly entertaining the man, drinking tea with him, chatting, and on his way out, urging him to come and visit often in the future.
Wake up - after he leaves, suddenly remember - the man has come to visit the closet 5 times this month.
Rage - When he left, he borrowed $500 from me.
Congratulation - the man was tall and big, and if he had just done it, it would have been bad luck, thankfully!
Consolation - first, I cursed how he didn't suffocate in the closet, then I punched and kicked the air to vent my anger.
Unluckily - I got a back injury while "beating" him up.
Luckily - I found a sock left by the man in the closet, which is my favorite color.
Unfortunately - I couldn't find the other one.
Revenge - Sprayed a large amount of LSD in the closet.
Mistake - Accidentally inhaled the ecstasy himself, passed out for two days, and was docked his bonus.
Harvest - when he came home from work, he found the door of his room locked and no one opened the door after knocking for half a day.
Prey - Entered the door, straight to the closet, found something.
Unexpected - in the closet lay another man, the manager of our company.
Conversation - Why is the manager in our house?
The manager was at our house to inspect your life! And did he say anything?
He said everything was fine, except that this closet is too small and stuffy, consider the company funding to fix it bigger
Disappointment - After the manager left, he searched the closet for half a day to make sure that nothing was left of the old boy, the stingy bastard!!!!
Opportunity - the manager had a meeting that day and the manager's wife asked me to go to her house.
Miscalculation - the manager came back early, suddenly remembered that today his wife went home, the manager's "meeting" will not be held.
However, the manager's closet will have to be visited.
Accidentally - in the manager's home closet, to see two colleagues.
***Knowledge - We agree that the manager's closet is so nice and big and spacious and airy that we have no problem hiding a few more people.
Admiration - The manager opened the closet and saw us and just lightly said, "Why, just 3 people today."
Understand - finally know, why people are the manager, but we are just small staff, look at the measure of others.
Classic Joke: Mrs. Portrait A wife wanted to have her portrait painted, and her husband got her the best painter. When she sat down to have her portrait painted, she made a request that she be painted with necklaces, earrings, tiaras, and other things, when in fact she didn't wear any of this gold or silver jewelry.
The painter agreed, but asked, "Why should I?"
The wife replied, "It is in case, you know, I may die before my husband. He'll marry again right away then, so let his new wife find these treasures!"
Classic Joke: The Dog and the Husband The husband complained, "Honey, you're giving my name to our puppy so I'll get it wrong all the time."
"No, it won't, I sound especially kind when I call the dog."
Classic joke: not for children Tom always has to listen to his dad's stories before he goes to bed .....
Dad: "In the old days, there was a frog ......"
Tom: "Dad, I don't want to hear a fairy tale today, can we tell a science fiction story?"
Dad: "Okay, in space, there was a frog ......"
Tom: "Never mind, Dad, in honor of my 8th birthday, can we tell a restricted one?"
Dad: "Okay! But don't let your mom know. There's a shirtless frog ......"
Classic Joke: Embarrassing Rating Embarrassing at a friend's house: trying to poop
Even more embarrassing at a friend's house: taking a dump and realizing there's no hand towel
Very embarrassing at a friend's house: not flushing down the toilet
The most embarrassing thing at a friend's house: not being able to flush down the toilet, and the water overflowing out of the commode
Classic Joke: Imagine a man's pregnancy Several men meet without shaking hands or saluting, without exchanging pleasantries or cigarettes, but just patting each other's big belly and asking, "How many months is it? When is the due date?"
If one day men could actually conceive offspring inside themselves. What would our society be like? At that time, even in an ordinary family, two couples could change roles for each other. In a family of four, the eldest is born to the mother, while the second is born to the father in October. A couple could even be pregnant at the same time if they wished. Don't mothers nowadays often complain that their husbands are not sympathetic and caring when they are pregnant? There is absolutely no need to worry about that. Any husband who doesn't know how to take care of his wife during pregnancy should be allowed to get pregnant himself!
The two couples will attend prenatal classes together, go to the hospital together for fetal position check, together for the children to carry out fetal education, and then finally lie down together in the maternity ward to wait for the birth of the baby. At that time, the hospital would no longer have "obstetrics and gynecology", but "gynecology", "husband" and "obstetrics". "Gynecology", "Husbandry", and "Obstetrics". The "obstetrics" department will be separated into men and women, just like the restrooms. And the doctor put on the gloves, ready instruments, all ready to deliver the baby, the nurse a lift open the clothes of the pregnant woman, the first to the shock --- it was a "pregnant husband".
The child was born, and the two couples then sat together, together with the maternity leave, together with breastfeeding the child. This last point for the man, about still have some difficulty, but I believe that at that time all kinds of breast milk under the breast of a kind of medicine will come into being, and will certainly sell well. When the child grows up, it is time to enroll in school, fill out the application form and slightly different, in addition to the father, the mother of each column, but also need to add a "producer" to show the difference. However, when the children started school, they had trouble with the first lesson. The first vocabulary word taught in school was "father" and "mother". Although they are only two words, no matter how much the teacher explains, the children just don't understand. To them, there is no difference between the "dad" and "mom" in the family except for their looks. This is a lesson that can only be remedied when they grow up and have a better understanding of the physical differences between men and women. Some of my friends may think I'm talking nonsense and daydreaming.
But please do not forget that society is developing, if a primitive man picked up a pair of new streamlined air-cushioned sneakers, he may use it to hold food, and may also be used as a token of love to the lover, but not necessarily wear it on the foot. Maybe then, we in the street or at home in the daily life often encountered this kind of scene: two men meet, do not shake hands, no salute, no pleasantries do not smoke, but just pat each other's belly, asking: "How many months? When is the due date?" Or early in the morning, the couple woke up, this one said to that one: "Hurry up, we're going to be late! We have an appointment for your prenatal checkup at nine." And "that one" looks in the mirror and says, "Not until I finish shaving!
Classic Joke: You are Wu Song Lao Wang and Lao Zheng are a pair of good friends.
One day, the old king was scolded by his wife, he did not dare to retort; the old Zheng knew it and laughed at
him:
"Hey, in vain, you're a manly man, but you're still afraid of your wife; people call me Cat,
but my wife is like a tiger when she sees me!"
Lao Zheng's wife heard this in the house, angrily ran out, one hand grabbed Lao Zheng
ear, drinking:
"You are a tiger I am what?"
Lao Zheng instantly paralyzed, mumbling, "You ...... you are Wu Song chant!"
Classic joke: vomiting The boss and the second to take the airplane, the second airsickness, non-stop vomiting.
A bag full of vomit, the boss had to go to fetch the bag, and when he came back, he found that the whole plane people are constantly vomiting.
The oldest asked why, and the second said, "I saw that this bag was also full, so I had to drink in half a bag, and then they all threw up."
Classic Joke: Leaders Drinking Revolutionary tipple every day drunk, drink bad party style drink bad stomach;
drink the girl pooh-pooh pooh, drink wife back to back;
wife went to find the Discipline Inspection Committee, the Discipline Inspection Committee said:
The drink is not drink is also not right, we are also every day drunk.
Classic jokes: the most ruthless scolding In the car the other day, a pretty girl suddenly rushed to a well-mannered white guy cursed: "hooligan!" As if the boy's hands and feet are not honest. The boy showed very aggrieved, immediately retorted. Both sides began to scold the fight.
A little while later, listen to the girl scolded: "You are a big hooligan, from childhood is a hooligan, your mother just gave birth to you out, you do not forget to turn back to take a look." The car full of passengers heard this, first crowed silent for a moment, followed by bursts of laughter.
My colleague shook his head and said that he had seen for the first time that cursing can be cursed to so, this is really absolute cursing, no one can beat it. After the boy was scolded, his mouth was open and he couldn't say a word.
We listened, we all sighed this scolding is really a thousand years of absolute scolding, probably no one in the past, no one will come after, all said that there is indeed no more ruthless scolding than this can be used to fight back.
Then suddenly heard the man said loudly: "You are the big hooligan! You're still in your mom's womb looking at your dad three times a day!"
The crowd fainted when they heard this