1. When there was a second-class bus, a BMW passed by, and a tall man next to him said to the people around him, "Look, that's IBM."

2. A friend of mine was practicing in Unicom. One day, an old man came up and said, "Get me a mobile card, okay?" Then my friend said without looking up, "Master, someone is coming to smash the venue!" "

3. Colleagues may be nervous when they go to see customers. As soon as they open their mouths, they say, "Hello, Mr. Liu, what's your name?" Sweat.

4. In the past, the geography teacher was a man, who was particularly violent. Anyone who spoke or was distracted was punched, but he didn't hit the girl. A new girl didn't know that she thought men and women were equal. Once, when she was secretly reading cartoons in class, the geography teacher found out that she came up to her and didn't say anything. At first, the girl turned pale and shouted: indecent assault. Our geography teacher waterfall Khan.

5, my classmate said: I put too much washing powder. The other asked: What? Your brother has too many wives?

6. One windy day, the bicycle fell down in a row, and I heard a classmate say while helping the bicycle: Whose Mercedes ran over my BMW?

7. I used to call my boyfriend's dormitory, but he didn't answer it. I was a little embarrassed, so I made up a name and said, "Is XX there?" If you want to pretend that you have the wrong person, it's over ~ ~ The other party hesitated and said, Wait, I'll call you. I was confused at that time! Hang up the phone in a hurry. Later, when I asked my boyfriend, he said that a boy in the dormitory opposite them asked me to make up that name.

8. Last time I was abroad, I saw a handsome guy selling cakes on the street. My friends and I said that he looked like Elvis Presley while buying. When he heard us talking about him, he asked us what to say. I thought for a long time: "kingofmiaomiao."

9. My girlfriend in the dormitory spoke to a net friend, and she was obviously very excited: Hello, I'm Wang Xiaoliang. Guess who I am? I can't afford to faint ...

11. I learned a word from a friend: I'll give you ten words-how far the fuck is it, how far the fuck is it. I remember when he said this to a group of us for the first time, he saw that all the people were pointing their fingers at the bottom to see if it was ten words ... What's more, I told n friends with this sentence that basically more than 91% would hesitate for a moment, meditate or move their fingers slightly, and then said with a smile, Shit, it is really ten words. It always works, hehe!

11, one day, the monitor told me what to do on Saturday (there were many things that week). After that, my deskmate shook my arm violently: Come on, tell me, what day is Saturday?

12, a female colleague of mine is very strong (with weight and strength), and she often does strenuous work in the workshop to beat a bunch of male compatriots. One day, I saw Mr. A, who was unable to move things, and moved a box of goods skillfully, laughing at Mr. A's face while moving, which was too weak. A gentleman held back for three minutes and said: No matter how fat your women are, there must be a man who can carry you to bed ... < P > 13. In middle school, the Chinese mid-term exam paper was translated in classical Chinese as "tyranny is fiercer than tigers", and occasionally translated as "fierce taxes and levies are fiercer than teachers!" I didn't find sweat until I sent the paper down! The head teacher drew a huge red circle on the word "teacher". I got 2 points for that question, and deducted 5 points.

14. The power went out, and my dad's mobile phone was still charged. He held a candle to find something. I asked him what you were looking for, but the green light when he said how to charge it disappeared.

15. Hehe, the ward building of the Second Hospital of Shanda University lost its house, and it became a corpse building. Until now ...

16. We slept with a classmate of our junior to chat with her. The classmate of our junior asked her: I always heard about Prince Frog, why is it a frog? We were deceived at that time, and our junior explained to her, because a fairy tale is called the frog prince. The classmate said: Oh, so, is that frog and toad the same thing? Hey, is that called toad or Khan? Junior sighed and said: Khan Bai, toad is the tribal leader of ancient ethnic minorities. At that time, we were all blue in the face.

17, once I went to dinner with a friend of mine, the clerk in that shop was dragging, rolled his eyes and asked, What do you eat? My friend said that you have any specialties here, and the clerk said, everything.

my friend was anxious and said, then get me a plate of tomatoes and stir-fried tomatoes.

18. I once called my father's office to find him. Because I was in a hurry, I didn't think about it. When I got up, I shouted: Dad, are you xxx (dad's name)? As a result, I couldn't say anything when I smiled opposite.

19. Another time, a friend asked me which man I thought was the most handsome in history. I said Pan An, but he disdained Yang Zongbao. I asked why? He said proudly, "You don't know, Mulan fell in love with him at first sight?"

21. One of my good classmates is a little dark, and her bf is a little white. One day, the queen of poison tongue in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this, you will give birth to zebras ..."

21. The same queen of poison tongue met a brother who was still in his early 31 s and graduated from our department one day. At present, the brother was most concerned about grasping the tail of youth. This time, the queen of poison tongue was.

22. One of my classmates may have been nervous for the first time. I might have wanted to ask the patient how old he is and what's his surname. The result is: Grandpa, what's your surname? The whole house was in a coma.

23. The meals in our school canteen are divided into soft meals and hard meals. One day, after careful consideration, a boy in front of me in the canteen said a word: I'd better eat soft rice ... < P > 24. When I was in college, I took an analog electric experiment class and observed the waveform of the rectifier circuit with an oscilloscope. When I finished, I wandered around the laboratory. A beautiful girl grabbed me and said, "Look at my wave?" I blushed immediately, only to find that she was pointing at the sine wave on the oscilloscope. I said in a panic, "Your wave is good, but it is not smooth enough." Without extra trouble, I adjusted it for her. Who knew that it was a triangular wave? Meimei immediately became anxious: "You accompany my wave, you accompany my wave ..." I fled.

25. My classmate's friend, who is rather dull, may have a good face. A few years ago, I went to the North Film Examination and was admitted. When I came back, what did we ask him? He said that the examiner was pretending to be an idiot, and they all pretended to be alike. We said how did you pretend? He said: I didn't pretend, so I walked around and was chosen ... < P > My mother often told Yangyang: "You can't swing when wearing a skirt; Otherwise, the little boy will see the little underwear inside! "

One day, Yang Yang happily said to his mother, "Today I played on the swing with Xiao Ming, and I won!"

Mom said angrily, "Didn't I tell you? Don't swing when wearing a skirt! "

Yangyang said proudly, "But I'm so smart! I took off my underwear so that he couldn't see my underwear! "

melon vendor: "come and eat watermelon, it's not sweet, it's free!" "

Hungry Niu Niu: "Wow! Great, boss, have a sweet one! "

Mom told Shuangshuang to get up: "Get up quickly! The rooster has crowed several times! "

Both said, "What does the cock crow have to do with me? I am not a hen! "

On the bus, crab crab said, "I want to sleep with my mother tonight!"

Mother asked, "Will you sleep with your mother when you marry your daughter-in-law?"

crab crab said without thinking, "Hmm!"

Mom asked again, "What about your daughter-in-law?"

crab crab thought for a long time and said, "It's easy, let her sleep with her father!"

mom: "! @ # $%&* (...-"

Look at Dad again, tears are already in his eyes!

I was curious about the navel everywhere, so I asked my father.

Dad briefly explained the reason why the umbilical cord is connected with the fetus and the mother, saying, "After the baby left the mother, the doctor cut off the umbilical cord and tied a knot, which later became the navel."

everywhere: "why didn't the doctor tie a bow?"

Father said to Tiantian, "Don't go to school today. Last night ... your mother gave birth to two younger brothers for you. Just tell the teacher. "

every day, I replied, "Dad, I only said I gave birth to one; The other one, I want to save it for next week when I don't want to go to school! "

No sooner had the scorpion fallen asleep than it was bitten by a mosquito.

he got up to catch mosquitoes, but he couldn't get out. No way, he pointed to the mosquito and said, "well, I'll go out if you don't go out!"

"As he spoke, he left the room, slammed the door hard and said proudly," Hum! If I don't come in tonight, I'll starve you to death! "

One day, Jie Jie went shopping with her mother. Walking on the road, it suddenly began to rain.

Mom took Jie Jie's little hand and said, "It's raining, run quickly!" "

Jie Jie asked slowly, "Then it won't rain ahead! ？”

Aquarius asked her mother, "What do you mean by calling Mr. Jiang an ancestor?"

Mom said, "Because' ancestors' are names for the dead."

Bottle said, "Does the deceased grandmother want to be called" fresh milk "?"

Dad told Fish that he often went hungry when he was a child.

After listening to it, Fish and Fish had tears in their eyes and asked sympathetically, "Oh, Dad, did you come to our house because you didn't have food?"