In the middle of the night, the light in the train sleeper is very dim, which makes Xiao Ying's mobile phone screen very bright.

Xiao Ying opened the mobile phone map, and it was only five minutes before he opened the map for the last time. Xiao Ying didn't understand whether this excitement was urgent or anxious. It's like a novice entering the stage for the first time, and it's hard to find out whether the palms are sweating because of excitement or nervousness.

The map shows that there are 9 stops at the destination, distributed in 3 provinces. Xiao Ying thought, if it weren't for her mother's love, she didn't know that there was a coastal city named Qingcheng on this 9.6 million square kilometers land; I won't run around day and night to find a person named Shuimingzhu among the 870,000 residents in Qingcheng.

Shuizhu is her mother's lover.

Maybe, eight years ago, that woman named Ye was sitting on this train in late autumn and couldn't sleep at night. I wonder if she, like her daughter eight years later, hangs headphones and leans against the window, listening to Fish Leong's gentle love songs, staring at the dark curtains outside the window with glassy eyes, and her heart is choppy?

Thought of here, Xiao Ying felt as if he had finished the journey.

Mothers and daughters are sometimes like a woman's past lives and future generations.

But before my mother diagnosed lung cancer, the relationship between "former life" and "later life" was as cold as the Sino-Soviet relationship of 1969. Xiao Ying vaguely remembers that this coldness seems to have originated from a long trip of her mother several years ago. I remember, because that time, my mother came back and cut off the flowing long hair that could be used to shoot shampoo advertisements, and also cut off the gentle and lovely eyes of a petty bourgeoisie woman. Earlier, my mother opened a small and exquisite clothing store, selling some bright and elegant little women's clothes. Business depends on her mood, a cup of tea, two magazines and some light music, without mixing. In this case, the mother gently leaned against the sofa with leaves, her hair naturally hung down and her legs slightly tilted. However, several unusual movements and gestures have various amorous feelings on her. Natural beauty. Mother doesn't get up when the guests come. It has a model and price tag on it. If you like it, try it. If you try well, buy it. She hates being called the boss's wife. It sounds old and vulgar. She said she was a businessman, but not a businessman. Mother once sold a cheongsam with white characters on a blue background to a woman for a dollar, just because the woman wore a certain artistic conception when trying it on, which made her cry for no reason.

She was infatuated with her mother when she was a child. She used to secretly imitate her mother's way of talking, walking and even sadness. At that time, she didn't understand the word "feminization", only knew that her mother's smell was full of exciting temptations and made her excited.

But all this followed my mother's long hair. Mother closed the clothing store and opened a bathing place. She really looks like a "Mrs. A Qing" who goes in and out every day. My mother used to write some poems, and her plain words showed classical nostalgia, but suddenly she changed into an imperative tone as sharp as a kitchen knife and spatula. When talking with Xiao Ying, it often turns from sunny to cloudy after more than four sentences, followed by storms and cold. The family is in chaos. The original ecological family began to be confused from gender roles. Xiao Ying's father works in a government office and seldom goes home before 10. His mother once said that his white hair is from 7 pm to 1 1. Later, my mother came back late and smelled of alcohol, tobacco and perfume. Xiao Ying often heard her mother on the phone in the bathroom the next morning, dragging a thick nasal voice and asking her how she came back the night before and who sent it back.

When Xiao Ying was in college, he seldom contacted his family. One morning in her sophomore year, she received a phone call from her mother. That day, when the sky was high and the clouds were light, Xiao Ying and her boyfriend were lying on the grass, playing games with each other's mobile phones. My boyfriend met a week ago, and the number is N 1, where n is neither a number nor a letter, but a rule. Xiao Ying changing boyfriends in college is like her mother running a clothing store. She plays with her emotions. When she feels tired and bored, she will change, just like chewing gum in her mouth. She vomited after a few bites.

Xiao Ying's mobile phone rang in the boy's hand. When the boy saw it, it was a man named "Night Seven". When Xiao Ying answered the phone, the boy had a rich imagination-this number must be a man. Since ancient times, too many men have been named "seven", and Liu Qi and Ruan ... "seven" has almost become the loudest suffix for domineering men.

Xiao Ying answered the phone briefly and deeply, and hung up after saying "Yes" twice. The boy asked Xiao Ying who was the "seventh night"? Xiao Ying didn't answer. She doesn't want to say that "Night Seven" is her mother's "Late Autumn Leaves". A long time ago, Xiao Ying dialed her wrong number and didn't correct it at that time. She didn't think it was necessary.

Xiao Ying's spaced out grabbed the clothes and walked to the dormitory. The boy followed him and asked who "Night Seven" was. Xiao Ying suddenly turned around and shouted, "It's none of your business! Are you bored? "

Xiao Ying is tired, tired, which means the game is over.

Xiao Ying turned around and burst into tears.

Because of that phone call.

On the phone, her mother named "Night Seven" asked her, "The doctor said I still have a month. Will you come back this holiday? "

two

Ye late autumn, sixth floor, 14 ward.

From the elevator to the ward, in the corridor of more than ten meters, Xiao Ying seems to be climbing the mountain, and every step is like lifting a thousand kilograms of lead. The strong smell of disinfectant and deeper and darker light convinced Xiao Ying that death was somewhere, with a malicious smile on his face.

Half a year ago, my mother suddenly felt numb. She went to Baidu to check, and Baidu said it was a cervical vertebra problem. That morning, it was sunny, and she planned to go to the hospital to have a look at the cervical vertebrae. She chose a beautiful trench coat and went out. When she left, she looked in the mirror and sprinkled a few drops of Lancome perfume she just bought. No, this bottle of perfume has never been touched twice. First, she went to the city hospital, which said she had a tumor in her brain. She rushed to the provincial hospital in a cold sweat, and the provincial hospital checked that it was lung cancer, saying that brain tumor was the result of the spread of cancer cells. Then she went to Shanghai and Beijing. ......

When she was pulled back, she was as thin as a bone, with only a month or two left.

In the past six months, my mother has been keeping secrets from Xiao Ying. When talking on the phone occasionally, my mother's words are as concise as possible. She is afraid that Xiao Ying will hear her slurred speech, but this brevity is considered as a sign of Xiao Ying people's indifference.

There are two female patients in room 14. Xiao Ying looked at the room near the door through the window, but she didn't like it, so she went straight to the one inside. At first glance, it didn't look like it. I turned around and took another look at that one. Then I began to cry with a "wow", shaking all over, like sadness and fear.

Mother is pale and her cheeks are sunken. Beside the pillow, there is a long linen wig. The wig was pressed on a palm-sized mirror. The mirror has cracked several holes, and there is an ebony comb beside the mirror that has accompanied her for more than ten years.

Mom's wig should not be shown to people. When Xiao Ying came, she heard from her uncle that her mother didn't tell any friends about her hospital, and her mobile phone was only turned on when she was using it.

There is no doubt that this wig is the key to memory. Xiao Ying can imagine her mother crying in front of the mirror and then throwing it away. For a woman who loves beauty very much, the past is as lethal as cancer cells. The latter withers the body, while the former withers the mind.

Late autumn leaves woke up and their eyes were red when they opened. Late autumn leaves stretched out their hands like dead branches, and Xiao Ying answered passively. In front of Xiao Ying, she is no longer the little girl who stole the bra, lipstick and eyebrow pencil in front of the mirror. Now she is slim, with a big drop earring hanging from her ear and a fashionable eye shadow, which looks like a disaster. Ye Qiuqiu accidentally touched two scars on her wrist, like burns from cigarettes. Ye Qiuqiu sighed briefly and weakly, and two lines of tears rolled down her cloudy eyes.

"Ying, mom is sorry for you."

The tense of mother's sentence is very vague. This "sorry" seems to come from the past and the future, which makes Xiao Ying feel unprecedented fear and loneliness.

Mother motioned Xiao Ying to take out an album from the hole in the desk. Just behind the photo of Xiao Ying 10, there is a shiny bank card.

"The password is your birthday, don't tell your father."

Xiao Ying didn't know what her mother meant.

Mother told her that she was not dead, and many young women had been flying around Xiao Ying's father. Cancer made her slurred speech and blurred vision, but it made her sense of smell more sensitive. Several times, she sniffed out Xiao Ying's dad's overnight perfume in the ward, which was coquettish and unrestrained, like fresh and warm female hormone breath, full of provocation.

"Those women, you can't beat them. Interestingly, I worked so hard that I won it all by filling the house. "

Then, my mother gave the funeral to Xiao Ying one by one-the piano was donated to the community, and all the clothes in the closet were given to her. Some flowers and plants should be planted on the cemetery, even if it was only a few. A new bottle of Lancome perfume opened at home will be sprinkled on her after her death. When a woman dies, she should look like a woman. ......

Mother said matter-of-factly, Xiao Ying remembered matter-of-factly, and her mother's expression was surprisingly calm, as if she was not explaining the funeral, but going out of town.

Finally, my mother took out a photo from the album. In the photo, my mother stood in front of the stone gate at the mouth of Lushan Mountain. There are a sea of people in the photo, and my mother's posture seems to be smiling back.

"Give this photo to a man for me, and he will tell you the story in it."

......

Two hours later, Xiao Ying returned home full of worries. Xiao Ying was very careful when he opened the door. She is afraid of hitting something, but she hopes to hit something.

Nobody at home, clean and tidy. Xiao Ying walked around the house as if he had walked into a stranger's house. Xiao Ying then concluded that this was by no means her father's cleansing. On the one hand, her father never has the habit of cleaning the room. On the other hand, even if a man cleans the room, he is only clean and pursues simplicity and order. He never arranges flowers on the coffee table, puts the fruits in the fruit bowl into an isosceles triangle, turns the washed shirts upside down to dry and folds them into beautiful geometric shapes. ......

Every detail tells Xiao Ying that there are often "well-meaning" women here.

Besides, my mother said that the bottle of Lancome perfume that I just opened is only half a bottle now. Xiao Ying stared at the disappearing scales for a moment, and then his eyes blurred. This family is in decline.

Xiao Ying sat at home for a while, sofa, bedside, study and bathroom ... Xiao Ying felt uncomfortable sitting anywhere.

Xiao Ying will live with her cousin. But just after going out, she turned back. She dug out two crystal photo frames in the bookcase and wiped them, one in the living room and the other on her father's bedside.

They are all photos of my mother. At that time, she still had long hair and was charming.

three

"Shuizhu, I am Ye Late Autumn, and I am in Qingcheng." When the train arrived at the station, Xiao Ying sent a message edited long ago in her mother's voice.

While waiting, Xiao Ying's heart beat in his throat.

Xiao Ying thought the other person would struggle for a while, but he didn't want to send a text message immediately: "Where are you in Qingcheng?"

Xiao Ying smiled and didn't answer immediately. She feels that the initiative is in her hands now.

"Don't worry, let him worry first." Xiao Ying thought.

According to the information provided by her mother, Xiao Ying found the school where Shuizhu worked. Shuizhu's school has a quiet lotus pond with lotus leaves and blooming lotus flowers.

"I am by the lotus pond." Xiao Ying sent a second message.

"I'll be right there."

Three to five minutes later, Xiao Ying saw several people on the road. The first man was a paunchy man with black-rimmed glasses. The second one is five big and three thick, bald and looks like a butcher. Just as Xiao Ying was disappointed to think that Shuizhu might be one of them, these people walked past her without looking back.

Xiao Ying was relieved. Just then, she saw a gentle man with short hair, a gold-rimmed mirror and white sportswear under the willow tree on the other side, about 30 years old. Men usually rest on wooden benches under willows, sometimes looking around and sometimes looking at mobile phones.

Xiao Ying thought, he should be water bamboo, or he must be water bamboo.

Xiao Ying was about to take his foot out, but he took it back. Xiao Ying took off her hair band, shaped her hair into her mother's shape, took out her mother's perfume from her bag, sprayed it a few times, and then lowered her eyebrows and walked over. ......

four

Eight years ago, on this bench where Shuizhu sat, Ye Qiuqiu carved a line with a key: "Dear, I have been here."

One day in June that year, Shuizhu was preparing lessons in the office. Suddenly, a figure walked past the window.

At first, Shuizhu didn't pay attention.

But after a few seconds, Shuizhu's nose suddenly became sensitive.

There is that special fragrance in the air, which makes Shuizhu feel familiar! Shuizhu couldn't help coming out, but there was no one over the corridor.

Just as Shuizhu was about to turn around, he saw a woman wearing a sun hat and big-brimmed sunglasses walking outside downstairs. Shuizhu felt that the back of late autumn was very similar to leaves, so he went downstairs again. But when I went downstairs, I couldn't see the figure. Shuizhu smiled and shook his head. You don't say! How did Ye Qiuqiu come here? I must be fascinated by late autumn, so that I have hallucinations.

But when Shuizhu returned to the office, a text message came from his mobile phone. Shuizhu opened it and immediately changed his face!

The text message reads: "Honey, that dripping Guanyin on your desk looks good!" "

Water column called Ye while going downstairs, but the other end just didn't answer. Anxious Shuizhu couldn't wait to find a big speaker to shout her name.

Ye late autumn must have come to his school all the way!

While running, Shuizhu suddenly stopped. He smiled and said to himself, "Good grandfather, late autumn, you almost fooled me again!" "

Earlier, Shuizhu sent Ye Late Autumn many photos about his school, one of which was the dripping Guanyin on his desk. So Shuizhu jokingly replied to her: "You came all the way, didn't you come in?"

"No, I will look around the lotus pond in your school."

Although, Shuizhu once took many photos of the lotus pond in late autumn for Ye. There are small lotus tips, withered lotus patches, clear lotus after rain and charming lotus flowers in midsummer. However, Shuizhu was still a little uneasy when he saw the news, so he went to the lotus pond to have a look. But when he got there, he didn't find Ye Late Autumn at all.

Shuizhu is convinced that the leaf ball must be teasing him. He sent a short message saying, "Who are you kidding? If you are near the lotus pond, I will immediately jump into the lotus pond to be a flower god. "

At this moment, Ye finally called. Before Shuizhu could speak, Ye Qiuqiu said, "There are three benches beside the lotus pond, aren't there?"

Water bamboo "well".

"My flower god, you should swim to the second bench." Say that finish, late autumn leaves hang up.

Shuizhu froze and his heart jumped at once.

He went to the bench, looked at it and almost fainted!

On the bench, six words were beautifully carved-

Honey, I've been here.

Shuizhu eagerly dialed Ye's cell phone, but she just didn't answer it.

Shuizhu instead sent a short message asking where Late Autumn was, but his fingers didn't listen to his brain. He was so excited that he either pressed the wrong key or pressed more keys.

No matter how many phone calls or text messages Shuizhu makes, the mobile phone seems to be dead and there is no movement.

Shuizhu was in a hurry. He had to drink water from the lotus pond like Kuafu.

After a long time, Ye finally sent a short message.

"I drove back, dear, goodbye."

Shuizhu looked at it and almost cried.

In just over half an hour, Bambusa bambusa seemed to fly from the ground to the sky, and then fell from the sky to the ground.

He couldn't accept the flirting in late autumn and almost boiled his heart dry. Shuizhu understood why Cupid shot through his heart to show his love. That fat boy wants to tell you that the essence of love is angina pectoris.

Shuizhu didn't reply to the text message, as if she had overdrawn all her strength, and collapsed on the bench, leaving only a pair of 143 kg bodies.

After a long time, Ye Qiuqiu called, and Shuizhu answered slowly, with a weak voice.

Ye smiled at the other end of the phone: "What's the matter, are you angry?"

Shuizhu didn't answer the phone. He really doesn't know whether he is angry or not. Anger is still an emotion. Shuizhu's heart seems to be hollowed out at this time. It's hard to say what makes him uncomfortable.

Ye Qiuqiu said, "Would you feel better if I told you I wouldn't leave now?"

Shuizhu's eyes are like the Olympic torch lit in an instant. He quickly asked, "Where are you?" When you say, "Where are you?" Shuizhu couldn't help running out.

Ye said, "I'm in a hotel called Dream. Will you come? "

Shuizhu answered firmly and hung up the phone. He has no time to say another word.

Along the way, Shuizhu almost twitched with excitement, as if everything around him was instantly covered with a layer of warm frost-

The sky is cloudy and beautiful.

Beautiful flowers.

The horn of the car is really nice.

Even car exhaust smells good. ......

They have been expressing their love by email since they fell in love at first sight at the Lushan Poetry Meeting half a year ago. At that time, Shuizhu was not married and kissed several times, but they didn't feel anything. He never imagined that he would fall in love with a woman seven years older than him, and he was so determined and it was his first love.

When they met, they seemed to be on fire, madly kissing and taking off their clothes, for themselves and each other. Late autumn bamboo wrapped around Ye's fingers and kissed her forehead inch by inch at the same time. Cheeks, lips, chin, neck ... The flaming red lips of Shuizhu are striding forward. I didn't want to kiss Ye Qiu's petite breasts, and Shuizhu suddenly "stopped".

In late autumn, the leaves obviously feel the bamboo body instantly relax and cool.

Shuizhu slowly turned down from Ye Late Autumn, sideways, staring straight at the ceiling, panting.

At this time, Shuizhu is utterly confused. In late autumn, he saw a crimson kiss on Ye's chest. Shuizhu thinks this hickey should be left by her husband. That hickey is too dazzling. Shuizhu's eyes hurt, his body is cold and his heart is sour.

Shuizhu doesn't know. On the first night of late autumn, her husband didn't know what to do. He swept away the glorious image in the usual meeting, and once he caught her, he scratched and bit.

In late autumn, there is a sadness in her heart. She didn't know that the hickey was at work. She thinks Shuizhu doesn't like her petite breasts and girlish body. In a short time, Shuizhu turned around again, and kissed from the forehead according to the routine just now, with stiff movements and cold lips. Shuizhu kissed his neck and stopped going down.

Ye Qiuqiu gently pushed Shuizhu away and said, "I'm a little tired and don't want to do it."

Later, she wrapped herself in a quilt with her back to the bamboo.

For a long time, bamboos can hear the sound of leaves crying in late autumn, just like rain slapping banana in the silent night. Shuizhu is very unhappy. Usually, at many dead-of-night moments, he convinces himself repeatedly: "If you fall in love with a married woman, you must accept all of her and accept the legal possession of her by other men." Ye Qiuqiu once asked him, "Will you lose money if you love me?" At that time, Shuizhu also vowed to tell her: "Without loss, happiness is good." However, when he saw the complete hickey on Ye in late autumn, like a solemn seal and equally contemptuous eyes, jealousy, inferiority, cowardice, fear and anger surged like waves, and his brain went blank and his body shrank. I don't know whether the soul betrayed the body or the body betrayed the soul.

Shuizhu's cell phone rang. It's the school. He was asked to attend the meeting. Shuizhu "well" and hung up the phone.

Ye Qiuqiu turned his back on him and said, "Let's go, don't delay the business."

Ye Qiuqiu's words made Shuizhu even more sad. Shuizhu got dressed and went to Ye. He was about to speak when Ye Qiuqiu covered his face with a quilt and said nothing.

From the hotel to the school, 1200m, Shuizhu seems to have experienced a winter.

After the meeting, Shuizhu returned to the hotel. Ye has gone. Call her cell phone. It's turned off.

After that, Shuizhu wrote a poem for Ye Late Autumn on the Internet. After kowtowing to many flowers and the moon, she changed her hazy style and said she loved her directly, but Ye Qiuqiu didn't reply a word, so she wrote it again and still didn't reply. Shuizhu opened Yeqiuqiu's blog again and found that Yeqiuqiu updated a sentence on it.

"From today on, cut off your long hair and stop fighting against the years."

Since then, Shuizhu can only watch the leaf ball quietly on his blog. Whenever he sees Ye Qiuqiu writing in his diary about how he got drunk on the first night, how he got lost and how he was robbed of his wallet ... Shuizhu's heart ached. He also thought about going to the city with late autumn leaves to find late autumn leaves. Even once, he got on a long-distance bus, and just after the bus started, he ran down panting.

"Go ahead, don't delay business." No, this is the last thing Ye said to him.

"I'm sorry I didn't even look at her one last time." Shuizhu got up and walked to the edge of the lotus pond, took off his glasses, put his hands on his shoulders and trembled slightly.

"What can I do? All for the living. " Xiao Ying said simply. She glanced at Shuizhu and suddenly felt that Shuizhu had seen this figure before.

Later, Xiao Ying took out his mother's photo and handed it to Shuizhu.

"Let me bring you her photos. “

Shuizhu rubbed it and said sadly, "This is our group photo."

Xiao Ying doesn't understand. Shuizhu pointed to a figure behind Ye Late Autumn and said, "In the crowd, the person with his back to the camera is me."

"On the day when the poetry meeting is coming to an end, we are both very sad. She said to me, "Let's take a photo together, so that every time I miss you, I can take it out and have a look." "I'm worried that people will see something when they go back. Later, she came up with a way to turn my back on the camera. She turned around in the crowd and smiled back at me. "

Inadvertently, Shuizhu saw a line of shallow fine print on the back of the photo, and the handwriting was a little skewed. This should be written by Ye Qiuqiu in his hospital bed. Before that, Xiao Ying didn't find it.

"Thank you for all the opportunities in life."

Shuizhu pondered several times and finally burst into tears.

five

Before he left, Shuizhu sent Xiao Ying to the entrance of the station. Before checking in, Shuizhu asked Xiao Ying, "Where is she buried? I want to see it. "

Xiao Ying said, "I'll tell you in a few days."

After boarding the plane, Xiao Ying took a few steps forward and was pushed into the stream of people by the people behind him.

Shuizhu stared at the surging crowd with a lonely face. For a long time, a crack suddenly appeared in the crowd, and Xiao Ying came out again.

"What's the matter?" Shuizhu asked.

Xiao Ying smiled and said, "Can you give me a hug? Think of me as my mother. "

Shuizhu one leng, a little embarrassed.

"Forget it." Xiao Ying turned to go.

"Wait." Shuizhu pulled Xiao Ying, and when Xiao Ying came back, his chin was tightly attached to Shuizhu's shoulder.

Zizania latifolia exudes a faint healthy fragrance of lavender laundry detergent, which is light, bright or dark, like birds chirping and whispering in the wind. Shuizhu stroked Xiao Ying's long hair with one hand and put it on Xiao Ying's waist with the other. Xiao Ying quietly fell into his arms, and the surrounding sounds receded like waves. Xiao Ying suddenly felt that the so-called world, for women, is sometimes a practical hug and a real heartbeat. ......

Xiao Ying hopes that Shuizhu is not holding her, but her mother. In fact, Ye Qiuqiu did not die. At this moment, Ye Qiuqiu thought he was still in college. Xiao Ying cheated Shuizhu, because he wanted Shuizhu to remember the most beautiful appearance of a woman forever.

Otherwise, when Ye Qiuqiu dies, she is really dead.

Trains in the daytime are always more energetic than at night, and the wheels rub against the tracks, showing anxious to return's eagerness. Xiao Ying wants to bring back Shuizhu's arms and give it back to his mother. Accompanied by smell and temperature.

Of course, this hug also includes hers. It is the daughter's concern for her mother, and it is the blessing of women's descendants to their previous lives.