01

What does the best marriage look like in your eyes? I immediately thought of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang.

The two met at a friend's party. When they met for the first time, they looked at each other and smiled calmly, but they fell in love at first sight.

Unfortunately, when the two of them approached their friend Sun Lingxian to inquire, Sun Lingxian told Qian Zhongshu, "Yang Jiang has a boyfriend" and then told Yang Jiang, "Qian Zhongshu is engaged."

In fact, Yang Jiang’s so-called boyfriend was just a male friend who admired her; Qian Zhongshu’s engagement was ordered by his parents, but he himself always disagreed.

If either of the two gives up, this marriage will no longer exist. But they were unwilling to give up. They exchanged letters and met in person. In their first words during the meeting, Qian Zhongshu said, "I'm not engaged" and Yang Jiang said, "I don't have a boyfriend."

Because they have the same hobbies of reading and learning, the two of them fell in love like "the friendship between gentlemen is as light as water", they just wrote letters and met to chat. But the relationship is very strong, and it goes from free love to marriage smoothly.

After marriage, the two lived a peaceful and happy life. Yang Jiang created many drama works, which were once popular. One day, after Qian Zhongshu read the play "Fake it True" written by Yang Jiang, he was inspired and came up with an idea: to write a novel.

Yang Jiang agreed without saying a word. In order to let Qian Zhongshu concentrate on writing, she was willing to be a "servant under the stove", reducing the number of lectures in school, cutting down on food and clothing, and chopping wood to make fires for cooking.

Qian Zhongshu took two years to write this book. The first thing he did after finishing it every day was to show it to Yang Jiang and ask her to give her opinions. He looked at her nervously like a student. This book is the "Fortress Besieged" that is widely circulated today.

Qian Zhongshu praised Yang Jiang: the most virtuous wife and the most talented daughter.

Many years later, Yang Jiang read that a British biographer summarized the ideal marriage status as: "Before I met her, I never thought of getting married; I married her for decades and never regretted marrying her. She has never thought about marrying another woman."

She read this sentence to Qian Zhongshu, and Qian Zhongshu said: "I am the same as him." Yang Jiang replied: "I am. Same."

The word "same" is by no means perfunctory, in fact it is not easy. Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang have the same hobbies, the same lack of fame and fortune, the same inward expansion of life, and the willingness to support and achieve each other. Their relationship is naturally as solid as a rock.

Research shows that similar partners have a much higher probability of getting married than dissimilar partners. After the initial passion cools down, similar values ??are the secret to keeping love alive.

Husbands and wives are similar, that is, they are on the same frequency. They not only identify with each other, but can even read each other's hearts. This is the case with the marriage of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang. The same values ????and interests are the cornerstone of their happy marriage.

Not only did they share the same frequency as husband and wife, but after giving birth to children, the family of three became very similar.

In Yang Jiang’s family life memoir "We Three", she said: Our family is very simple; the three of us are very simple. We have nothing to do with the world or fight with others. We just want to be together, stay together, and do what we can. When we encounter difficulties, we bear them together, and the difficulties are no longer difficult; we help each other, and no matter what is bitter or difficult, it can become sweet. If we are a little happy, we will become very happy.

When reading, there is nothing artificial, only warmth. This indifference comes not only from Yang Jiang's personal cultivation, but also from the infiltration of this happy marriage.

02

When you meet a lover with the same frequency, getting along with him is easy and comfortable; but when you meet someone with a different frequency, no matter how much you talk, it will only make people feel "Why are you so tired?" .

This is the case with Zijun and Lao Jin in the TV series "The First Half of My Life". Zijun, a pampered stay-at-home wife, was cheated on by her husband. After the divorce, she took care of her children alone. In order to make money to support her family, she went to the mall to sell shoes.

Lao Jin from the purchasing department of the shopping mall fell in love with her. He picked her up from and to get off work every day. On weekends, he bought vegetables and came to Zijun’s house to cook for them and their son. He didn’t even bother to eat, so he ran away. I went to the bathroom to fix the shower head and connect the sewer. After finishing my work, I rushed to wash the dishes.

Lao Jin is an honest person, has a stable income, owns a house, a car, and no children. People around her say that Zijun is really lucky to meet such a good man.

Unexpectedly, before enjoying the blessing, Zijun could no longer bear it.

That day, Lao Jin’s birthday, Zijun celebrated his birthday and called his friends Tang Jing and He Han. As a result, the three people at the dinner table kept talking about Tang Jing's work in Hong Kong, but Lao Jin couldn't get in the conversation until he finished drinking the boiling water in the cup and shouted awkwardly: "Waiter, pour me another cup." Water."

After finishing the meal, Lao Jin said to Zijun: I will not attend such gatherings in the future. Zijun was at a loss and didn't know what he had done wrong.

Another time, Lao Jin took Zijun to a friend's party. When they met, Lao Jin's expression changed because he thought Zijun was dressed like a lady. In fact, Zijun was just wearing an old piece of clothing worth several thousand yuan, but Lao Jin felt that Zijun should not wear this outfit to avoid being said by his friends that "Lao Jin hooked up with a rich woman."

Zijun didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He argued a few words but still couldn't convince Lao Jin, so he simply turned around and left, not even attending the party.

Behind these little things is not just a party or a piece of clothing, but a huge difference in values ??between the two people.

Although Zijun is divorced and not financially well-off, she likes to make good friends, is willing to work hard and is determined to reach higher places; but Lao Jin likes to be content with the status quo, and happiness is when he has enough to eat and drink. .

Finally, Zijun sat in Lao Jin’s old Santana that had been driven for many years. He didn’t even dare to look at Lao Jin’s face, but said firmly: “I think you are pretty good. , but I’m not happy together, it’s too depressing.”

Indeed, facing this relationship, Zijun’s best choice is to end it as soon as possible to avoid delaying each other. Because after all, they are not the same people, and even chatting and gatherings have conflicts. How can the long decades to come go smoothly.

Bi Shumin said that marriage is like a pair of shoes. Wearing shoes is to rush on the road. The difficulties and dangers on the road are sometimes not as painful as a grain of sand in the shoe.

What outsiders see is whether the shoes are beautiful or not. Only you know whether the shoes are comfortable or not. Meeting a lover with the same frequency is like wearing comfortable shoes, traveling lightly and walking lightly; meeting a lover with a different frequency is like wearing a pair of shoes that are grinding on your feet, becoming more and more tired as you walk and unable to achieve your goals.

03

Many people say that no couple is born with the same frequency, and they have to rely on getting along after marriage to develop a tacit understanding of each other.

However, if we have a choice, we would definitely choose the person with whom we fall in love at first sight, instead of spending a lifetime getting along with someone who is not on the same frequency at all.

Yang Lan and Wu Zheng are a good example. They got married less than a year after they met. They are still in love as before after their 20th wedding anniversary. Yang Lan also wrote a book "The World is Big, Fortunately I Have You" ”, dedicated to his husband.

In Yang Lan's view, when they met each other, they felt as if they had met each other too late. They had already decided that they were the right people, and they didn't need much time to think about it.

They like to read the same books, like the same food, and often blurt out the same sentence. They are both ambitious in their careers, and at the same time they like to enjoy traveling around the world... There are too many signs, as if... It is implicitly implied that the two people are destined to come together.

Yang Lan said that she was lucky. In this marriage, facing the same lover, she felt like falling in love again and again.

It can be seen that couples who share the same frequency will never get tired of being together for a lifetime. As time goes by, the novelty never disappears.

Internationally renowned psychologist David Myers said in the book "Social Psychology" that in a marriage, the greater the similarity between the husband and wife, the happier and longer the marriage will be.

A truly happy marriage does not need to rely on difficult adjustments, but has similar interests and hobbies, similar values, and similar views on money from the beginning, and they walk together on the road to marriage like good friends.

On the contrary, if a husband and wife are really out of tune and cannot adjust to the same frequency no matter how much they adjust, their hearts will be full of emptiness even if they are guarding the gold and silver mountains.

There is a saying that "A thousand words are not worth a look", which means that when you meet a lover with the same frequency, you can understand each other with just one look. This is not only the charm of love, but also the charm of marriage. The ultimate secret to happiness.