My colleague has to go to kidney calculi and rest at home. His little nephew asked what kidney calculi was, and he said that a stone came out when he peed. His little nephew was very worried and said, Uncle, when you pee, you must put your feet apart, so be careful not to hit your feet!

One day, I saw a pair of twins, SO cute,

But I can't tell the size

So I asked: Who is the older and who is the younger?

The girl said mysteriously: guess who is our brother and sister ~! !

I took my three-year-old daughter for a walk in the park at night, and there were two lovers hugging and kissing in the shade.

My daughter looked at it for a while, turned her head and said to me affirmatively, "Mom, they must be stealing something good."

Mingming is five years old, and he just learned to count, so he wants someone to make a question. His father said to him, "Make your own question and calculate it yourself."

Ming Ming thought about it and said, "Shampoo+Massage+Back Treading = 18, Hair Dyeing+Sauna+Mask =20"

Everyone was stunned first, and then they laughed.

Child: "Mom, what is this?"

Mom: "This is rat poison."

Child: "Mom, is our mouse sick?"

I really like a child in a small class.

I've been teasing him

Ask him: What's mom's name?

She was so angry that she finally spat out the name * * *

"So, what's dad's name?

I saw that he was in high spirits and said two words unequivocally: husband

One of her colleagues has a 6-year-old daughter who started to change her teeth. Her mother took her back to work after pulling out her teeth. My mother asked her, "Does the tooth still hurt?" The little girl's answer made all the people around her laugh: "Oh, my tooth was left in the hospital. I don't know if it hurts!" "

Once the father asked the child

Who's in charge at home?

"Dad, he is the head of the family."

Mom knows.

I also asked him: "Who is in charge at home? Good point, buy you candy. "

The child said, "It's mom, it's mom."

"Didn't you say that dad is the head of the family?"

"But mom is the neck of the family. If you turn your head that way, turn it that way ~ ~ ~ ~ ~"

Occasionally, a male colleague was drinking and eating in a roadside restaurant one day. When he saw a little girl in her early third year who was very cute, he went up to tease her, "Little sister, will you play with you?" The little girl looked at him and said, "No, my mother said that the little girl should play with the little girl." My colleague refused to give up and said, "I'm a girl, too, so you can play with me ... Finally, what the little girl answered was a classic. You take off your pants and let me see! " =_=#

When my son was 4 years old, he saw a frog jumping, so he learned to jump like this frog, jumped a few times, stood up and said, How tired! ! ! It's hard to be a frog, jumping like this every day.

I almost fainted when I read the MAIL given by my friend. It is guaranteed to be true and original.

I was listening to the radio in the dormitory that day, and I heard a very young girl order songs for her mother. She said that her mother

Mom is very hard, and she can't rest on Sunday. She wants to buy a lot of problem sets for her at the bookstore, so she thinks.

Order a song for her mother.

Hearing this, the host said,' What a sensible child. What song do you want to order for your mother?

The little girl said in a childish voice,' I want to order Winnie Hsin's "Why do women bother women?"

Respondent: supreman-Scholar Level 2 5- 12 10:25.

Someone asked the farmer, "What do you feed the pigs?" "Use leftovers and unwanted vegetable skins." The farmer replied.

"In that case, I should punish you." The man said, "I'm a public health inspector. It's illegal for you to feed animals for the public with things with poor nutrition.". Fine 1 10,000 yuan. "

After a while, another well-dressed man came to ask the farmer, "What a fat pig! What do you feed them? "

"Shark's fin, chicken liver, seafood and the like." The farmer replied.

"Then, I should punish you." The man said, "I am an inspector of the International Food Society. One third of the world's population is hungry. I can't let you feed pigs with such good food. Fine you 1 10,000 yuan. "

A few months later, a third person came. Like the first two men, he put his head on the farmer's fence and asked, "What do you feed the pigs?"

"Brother," the farmer replied, "now I give them 10 yuan money every day, and they can buy whatever they want to eat."

Responder: I am very happy-trainee wizard level 2 5- 12 10:3 1

A joke that is too long is not funny. I have a shorter one.

One day, a monkey accidentally stepped on the feces of an ape. Later, they got married. Someone asked why they got married. The monkey said it was all the feces of an ape (fate)! ! !

Respondent: lanselq-Magician Level 4 5- 12 10:32.

In the bus, a standing pregnant woman said to the man sitting next to her, don't you know I'm pregnant? I saw the man nervously say: the child is not mine!

Respondent: Xiao Xiaorou Xue-Assistant Level 3 5- 12 10:34

The fox walked along the street and met the old wolf head on. The old wolf stretched out his hand and gave him a big mouth, "Let your ya not wear a hat".

The fox went home depressed and got a hat to wear.

The next day, I met the old wolf again and got a big mouth, "Let you wear a hat".

If so, you will always be beaten. The fox thought, it's not a thing to be beaten so often. No, I have to complain to the tiger.

Just arrived at the door of the tiger's house, I heard the tiger talking in the house.

"You can't always be so unreasonable to hit the fox. When the fox comes back to complain to me, I can't protect you. At least we can get by on face. I'll teach you a trick.

Next time you see a fox, tell him: get me some laundry. He brought you soap, so you gave him a beating, saying that I wanted washing powder, but who told you to get soap? He brought washing powder, and you can fight, saying that I want soap, but who told you to take washing powder?

Why don't you tell him to go and find me a woman. He finds you a fat one, and you beat him up and say I want to be thin; I'll find you a thin one, and you can beat me up, saying I want a fat one.

If it doesn't end like this, you can hit him, and I can make sense on my face. "

Hearing this, the fox said, well, let's stop complaining and go home.

The next day, the fox ran into the old wolf in the street again. The old wolf shouted, Go and find me some laundry.

The fox took his time: Do you want washing powder or soap?

Hearing this, the old wolf, huh? Good at it. And he said, Go and find me a woman.

The fox is still in no hurry: do you want to be fat or thin?

The old wolf flew into a rage, reaching out and giving the fox a big mouth.

Let you not wear a hat!

Respondent: xdafu-trainee magician level 2 5- 12 10:37.

I started a new company, and everyone called me Lao ... OK, Lao Wang, Lao Zhang, Liu Jie, introduce me: "This is my husband!" "Good husband! ! ！”

Liu Jie: "This is my husband! ! ！”

Respondent: Love Group-Trainee Magician Level 2 5- 12 10:38

Wife instructions

Instructions for drug use:

The commodity name is commonly known as wife, and it can be called wife or wife in formal occasions; Now also known as darling.

Chemical name WUMEN

Ingredients: water, blood and fatty carbohydrates, with a fragrant smell.

Physical and chemical properties are lively, which can be divided into one price (marriage), two price (marriage) and three price (marriage) according to the situation. . . . N price (marriage) Soluble in honeyed words and sweet words; The melting point is reduced under the catalysis of true feelings, diamonds, money and luxury houses. Insoluble in Bai Ding.

Characteristics This product is a cola-shaped concave-convex object with smooth surface, coated with various cosmetics, and has a strong affinity for diamonds and platinum. Red shift occurs when you are shy; Blue shift due to anger (green shift) This product will shift yellow with time, and its shape will change, but it will not affect its continued use.

The function is mainly used to treat single phobia, and also has obvious effect on lovelorn and lovesickness.

Usage and dosage suggest one tablet for life.

Note: This product is only applicable to single adult males. Be careful when taking it. If the drug causes the user to have soft ears (palladium ears), henpecked, tracheitis, etc., you must consult the relevant professional doctor immediately and use it under the guidance of a doctor. If not, you can continue to use it. Eating more can lead to fatal allergic reactions, and eating more than two kinds can lead to adverse interactions!

Specifications are usually 45 kg to 65 kg. In case of special overweight, please ask men to strengthen their exercise or find a health doctor to deal with it.

Store properly at room temperature, indoor ventilation is the best; If you are outdoors, you need to avoid groups of women and handsome guys. During use, it is especially forbidden to stay home at night.

Pack all kinds of fashion, jewelry and handbags, and change them at any time with the seasons.

The validity period depends on the degree of happiness, up to a lifetime; The shortest, one day may also be invalid.

See the inner page of the diamond ring manual for the official approval number.

Grandparents and fathers-in-law of production enterprises.

Taboo No matter when, you can't say fat.

Husband manual

Instructions for drug use:

The commodity name is commonly known as husband, and it can be called husband on formal occasions; Now also known as Hani.

Chemical name MEN

Ingredients: water, blood and fatty carbohydrates, with sweat odor.

Physical and chemical properties are lively, which can be divided into one stage (knot), two stages (knot) and three stages (knot) according to the situation. . . . N stage (knot). Soluble in honeyed words and sweet words; The melting point is reduced under the catalysis of true feelings, cigarettes, wine, money and famous cars.

Characteristics this product is a cola-like concave-convex object with rough surface and strong affinity for tobacco and wine; Red shift occurs when you are shy; Blue shift due to anger (green shift) This product will shift yellow with time, and its shape will change, but it will not affect its continued use.

The function is mainly used to treat single phobia, and also has obvious effect on lovelorn and lovesickness.

Usage and dosage suggest one tablet for life.

Note: This product is only applicable to single adult women. Be careful when taking it. If the drug causes domestic violence to users, you must consult relevant professional doctors immediately (in serious cases, you can report to the public security organ and seek magical assistance) and use it under the guidance of a doctor; If not, you can continue to use it. Eating more can lead to fatal allergic reactions, and eating more than two kinds can lead to adverse interactions!

Specifications are usually 65 kg to 80 kg. In case of special overweight, please ask men to strengthen their exercise or find a health doctor to deal with it.

Store properly at room temperature, indoor ventilation is the best; If you are outdoors, you need to avoid groups of women and handsome guys. During use, it is especially forbidden to stay home at night.

Pack all kinds of fashions, watches and cars and change them with the seasons.

The validity period depends on the degree of happiness, up to a lifetime; The shortest, one day may also be invalid.

See the inner page of the diamond ring manual for the official approval number.

Old women and old men in production enterprises.

Taboo no matter when, you can't say smelly.

Respondents: wenxiao 18-Assistant Level 2 5- 12 10:4 1

severe

Responder: Sand of the Wind-Trainee Magician Level 2 5- 12 10:42

1 The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: depend, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

2. I have not received your message for a long time, and I am very distressed. I thought of death, and I used potato chips to cut my pulse; Hit your head with tofu; Jump over the building with a parachute; Hanging with noodles. Can all die, you can invite me to dinner and support me to death.

3. If you feel cold in your heart, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, press 2 to talk about work, press 3 to talk about life, press 5 to introduce me to someone, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

4. The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live this kind of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: Leave! Who has ever seen a kiss and climb a tree!

5. The fish said, "I keep my eyes open all the time in order to leave by your side." The water said, "I flow tirelessly all day long to hug you around." The pot said, "It's so stubborn when you're almost fucking ripe."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put the shit in the middle of the road, and an ant happened to pass by. It looked up at the misty peak and couldn't help singing: Yalaso, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for windy and rainy; Land is used to grow flowers and grass; I am used to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are beside the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry when you go to the toilet by the river without paper, the frog will tell you: stick scraping, stick scraping, stick scraping!

9. Money can buy a house but not a home, a marriage but not love, a clock but not time. Money is not everything, but the root of pain. Give me your money and let me bear the pain alone!

10, God, it's so blue! The sea, too salty! Life is too difficult! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! Well, what can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

1 1, send you 12 Chinese zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, lovely as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

12, the beauty of learning lies in making people confused; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid.

No regrets; The beauty of a man lies in telling a lie.

13, I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? Look at you!

14, have you heard of it? Looking back 500 times in the previous life, I got a brush in this life. Close friends like you and me didn't seem to do anything in the previous life, but just H turned his fucking head!

15. Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan. They decided to take them to a remote mountainous area and spend them. When they bought a sugar-coated gourd with a price of 1 yuan in 5 yuan, they cried, and the farmers gave them two 7-piece ones.

16, your life portrayal: learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten-the pig cleans itself; Twenty years old shines brilliantly ―― when the pig is young; Find a job at the age of 30-start a career as a pig; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of 50 ―― pig throwing.

Respondent: Red Star Erguotou is delicious-Assistant Level 2 5- 12 10:42

I have a question that I don't understand. Why do people say it was before death?

Listen to ChristianRandPhillips's "Come back, come back yo", how is it like "ghost come, ghost come yo"

Respondent: Magic ·YOU-Probation Level 1 5- 12 10:44

rtttttttttttttt

Respondent: pbdong-magic apprentice level 1 5- 12 10:49

It's still a real joke.

My mom and dad.

Our family is having dinner, and there is a news broadcast on TV.

Mom suddenly said: look ~! Look ~! That mouse is naked ~!

I didn't reflect it at that time, when I saw the TV

A hairless little white mouse! ~ Spit rice ~ ~ ~

Another time I was watching TV, and my father just liked to say, Ah, this, this, isn't it just playing that so-and-so ~! I know. That time he was watching a TV series, and it started again, this time with a loud voice: Ah! ~ this, this! ~ that's the ~ ~ ~ little grape ~ ~ little grape ~?

I haven't understood the meaning of small grapes for a long time. Finally, my sister reflected quickly! ~ what little grapes ~! It took a long time to shoot that <; Schoft > Advertising `

Sesame seed cake original

Respondent: Sad sesame seed cake-probation period level 1 5- 12 10:49.

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

The Japanese, Korean and China football coach met God. Coach China asked, "When will our country win the World Cup?" God said, "A hundred years." Coach China cried and said, "I can't see it.

Once upon a time There is a king who competes for his daughter to marry her! The competition event is archery!

The first one hit the apple on the princess's head! He replied to Iam robin Khan!

The second one also hit the apple on the princess's head! He replied to Iam Houyi!

The third one shot the princess in the head! He replied to IamSorry!

An elephant asked the camel,' Why does your Mimi grow on your back?' The camel said,' Stay away from death, I don't talk to things that grow on the face of chickens!

An elephant asked the camel,' Why does your Mimi grow on your back?' The camel said,' Stay away from death, I don't talk to things that grow on the face of chickens!

C jun's broken car rings everywhere except the bell, but he treats it as a treasure and gives it three locks. I thought, great, this car can at least accompany me through college.

Unexpectedly, one day, Mr. C was shocked: the car was stolen.

My roommate, who is studying psychology, explained that a car with three locks can really touch the professional sensitivity of thieves-such a challenging car will be stolen even if it is broken!

You only want one, don't you? Well, I'll take it!

Several leaders took their hands to the restaurant for dinner. A new waiter 18 years old belongs to a dog.

Not experienced! Leader: "Waiter, tea!" The waiter thought to check the number of people:

“ 1234567。” The leader was furious: "pour tea" the waiter thought that he would check the number of people.

"765432 1" This is what the leader asked: "What are you counting?" The waiter replied:

"I belong to the dog" leaders and others are speechless!

Two counterfeiters accidentally made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they took a 15 yuan and bought a 1 yuan candied haws, they cried, and the farmers gave them two 7-piece ones.

Respondent: Birthday gift 52 1-magic apprentice level 5- 12 1 1:39.

A taxi driver is driving at night. Suddenly, a woman in red waved to him. He stopped the car and asked where the woman was going. The woman said, "I'm going to the cemetery!" "

The driver was very scared and thought, she's not a ghost, is she? But he had to go. Halfway through the car, the woman suddenly disappeared. Later, she reached out and said, "Help me ~! ！” The driver was sweating with fear. . . .

It turned out that the woman fell into the pit. . .

There was a young man who loved playing the violin and thought he was good at it. One day, he was really tickled, so he went to the street to show off his skills. At first, because of curiosity, many people came over, the young man played hard, but because it was really ugly, all the people were gone in one minute. But there was an old lady left there, and the young man felt so bad that he couldn't wait to show her everything he knew. After the song was finished, the young man asked As soon as I hear your music, I think of my grandson, who was sawed to death by a chainsaw.

Respondent: Fengshen-probation period level 1 5-1211:51

There was a broken calf, and one day he was defecating by the ditch. The snake saw it and said, "Why are you shitting there? ！” Replied: "How did you come to grab my fragrance!" The snake said; Turned out to be sweet sweet, I thought it was my dinner! "

Respondent: dede 1984520-probation period level 1 5-121:55.

My computer's memory is only 128M. I pondered for a long time and found a good way. I plugged the memory in the other way. Hey! Didi passed the self-test, and the memory became 82 1M!

Later, I took the floppy disk to the refrigerator and froze it for a day, and it turned into a hard disk.

I wrote dual-core Pentium DD on the chassis, and the computer ran much faster.

I soaked my monitor in a fish tank and now it feels like a liquid crystal!

I put a magnifying glass in front of the 14 inch monitor, and it turned into a 20 inch monitor, which saved me a lot of money.

I added a light bulb to the speaker, and then turned the volume down to the lowest, oh! It creates a subwoofer.

1, Lee Teng-hui, Lien Chan and * took a helicopter tour. Lee Teng-hui said: "If I throw a thousand dollars, I will be very happy to find that person. "Lien Chan said," If I throw two 500 yuan, then two people will be very happy. * said, "If I drop ten hundred yuan, ten people will be very happy." At this time ...? The driver muttered, "Why not throw yourself down and make 21 million people happy?"?

2. "President" A-Bian wants to enhance his reputation and issue a stamp with his own portrait ... After more than a month, A-Bian wants to see how it sells ... A-Bian asks, "How is the sales?" Director of the General Post Office: Not bad, but people often complain that it doesn't stick well 1 A-bian: Why? %B