We are experiencing feelings, often feel very shy with each other when we first met, after a period of contact, officially confirmed the relationship, and thus entered the so-called hot love period, this period is also the most pleasurable moment for all of us to feel, and then after the hot love period, the feelings seem to be more and more light, as we drink tea water, the first few bubbles is still relatively tea flavor, the latter no matter how hot boiling water or how long it takes to brew, but the taste is always getting fainter and fainter. The first couple of times we drink tea, it's still quite tasty, but later on, no matter how hot the water is or how long it takes to brew, the flavor is always getting lighter and lighter.
There are friends around who are also like this, when they are just starting to fall in love, they are keen on sunshine in the circle of friends, and sometimes they can send a few dynamics a day, as in the whole live broadcast of their love story, as time passes, I don't know when I started to find out that, the circle of friends has very little of their dynamics, and I don't know if it's a breakup or just lazy to send out the circle of friends.
Of course, sometimes I also hear girls complain about their boyfriends: when I started to chase me, the enthusiasm of the force need not be mentioned, I have a heartless language he will keep in mind, but also not move to create surprises to me, even if it is later talked about together, but also early to report back late, attentive and constantly, I look forward to every day and enjoy the time with him, may be a long time, his feelings for me on the fading it, no longer as good as before. The fact is that the company's products and services have been widely recognized by the public as being of high quality, and the company's products and services have been widely recognized by the public as being of high quality.
We have seen a lot of feelings from thick to thin, but in life we have also seen some couples even if they have been married for many years, in life can still create passion, will be the state of love has been extended to the marriage, not only did not fade, but instead, in cooperation with each other under the cause of the **** vibration, the feelings are still as sweet as ever,
No comparison is no harm, on the one hand, it is plain as water, on the other hand, it is a colorful, colorful and beautiful. The same is true for love, but the people who run it are different, so why is the state so different?
One, "catfish effect"
Norwegians like to eat sardines, and especially like to eat live sardines, so the price of sardines alive in Hong Kong is often several times more expensive than dead fish. But sardines have a characteristic: they are lazy and don't like to exercise very much, and at the same time the fishermen will catch sardines from the fishing to return to the fishing port, the road is relatively long, so the sardines that arrive at the harbor are basically dead, and even if they don't die, they are still dying. So the fishermen tried their best to keep the sardines alive during transportation, but to no avail. Only one fisherman's sardines were always alive and full of vitality, so he earned a lot of money by this skill.
But his secret was not revealed until later: the method is very simple, he just put a catfish inside the sardine tank, because the catfish to other fish for food, so it was put into the fish tank, encountered the surrounding unfamiliar environment, it will swim desperately, and the sardines found their own fish tank inside the catfish swimming around, often nervous, and thus will accelerate the swim, so that the sardine tank, the catfish will be able to swim. In this way, the sardine swims all the way to the harbor alive, which is the famous "catfish effect".
Second, the interpretation of the stages of development of love
Love has a shallow to deep process, psychologist Murstein has a famous SVR theory, he will be divided into three stages of development of love: stimulation stage (S), the value of the stage (V), the role of the stage (R), with our common words love is: acquaintance, love, companionship of these three stages.
Stimulation stage (S) represents the first contact between the two sides to recognize, this time because the two sides do not understand each other, and the other side of the appearance, body, dress and other external characteristics will have a stimulating effect on us, but also what we call the heartbeat. When we meet someone for the first time and fall in love with them at first sight, it actually means that one of the external features of the other person attracts our attention and makes us interested in them.
Value stage (V) represents that after we experience acquaintance, both sides began to formally deeper understanding, and this stage of understanding is mainly based on the two sides of the "three views" and beliefs, if our "three views" have a very large part of the overlap, that means we have ****. If our "three views" have a large part of the overlap, it means that we have *** the same language, our communication can produce each other *** sound, our each other's inner in each other attracted to both sides.
The Role Stage (R) leads to a period of stabilization, in which the two sides understand each other comprehensively, we have grasped almost all of the other side of the places that interest us, all the stimulus points we have figured out, then finally we began to look at each other, and we are more important to the other side of the stage of life in the complementary and coordinated.
Many love walk through stage one or two is not difficult, but ultimately are stuck in the third stage and ended. When we are in love, we tend to focus on the good side of each other, and only see the advantages of each other, so after a long time, there is no other fresh stimulus points appear, then we will feel burned out on the relationship.
Three, why love will enter the flat period
Love a person is very easy, but to love all the time on the non-easy, who does not deny that the beginning of the passion of the passionate love, when we understand each other with each other in-depth, we have been in the gradual integration of the previous used to arouse the interest of each other's set has been no longer useful, nothing new, we slowly lose the impulse of the previous appreciation of each other's strengths, slowly, we will not be able to see the other side, we will not be able to see the other side of the good side. The first thing I'd like to talk about is the fact that I'm not sure how much I'd like to talk about this, but I'm sure I'd like to talk about it.
It so happens that at this point in time, our disguise is gradually torn in time and gradually revealed the original shape, our shortcomings began to be exposed in front of each other, we began to feel tired and bored of each other, even if sometimes a small thing can become a breakup fuse.
1, too high expectations of love and the reality of the gap
Some people will never know, his words, I will remember for a long time; his an unimpressive commitment, I am bitterly guarded. After that, and then after time and change, and fade, gradually, fade away. The kind of a second before, still with a heart full of expectations, like being pushed up high in the sky; and then the next second, full of disappointment, like from the heights of the hard fall.
Women want their own love is romantic, different, so they tend to start expectations are relatively large, as the saying goes: the greater the hope, the greater the disappointment. In the relationship, the man is often the active payer, and the woman is a passive receiver, want the man has been a continuous output of romantic colors, the difficulty is often greater, while has been a continuous output of romance, the man is a test, the short term can also afford, the longer the time, the man will feel deprived, incapable of generating so much to let the woman feel the romantic ideas.
But the woman has been using the previous high standards to examine the man's pay, when the man reduces the quality of romance, then it will inevitably bring a great sense of loss to the woman, especially the woman's standard expectations of the higher, then she will feel the more the future of the feelings of the bland and boring.
2, the lack of new attraction
Remember Huang Lei once said: "I'm very opposed to couples become relatives, my mother, my daughter is my loved ones, but my wife will always be my couple, all my life is my lover"
This sentence has caused a lot of people are **** Ming, he said The people for love is how a kind of expectation, many of us think that married for a long time, love is faded, love is naturally transformed into affection, the two sides naturally did not fall in love at the beginning of the passion, and even this theory as our pre-marriage and post-marriage development of the objective law, in fact, is not the case.
Love is mutual admiration, mutual love relationship, rather than simply remaining interdependent relationship, I remember a movie "love before the memory fades" inside the story of a pair of old couples are suffering from serious illnesses, the husband recurrent amnesia, and the wife has reached the terminal stage of cancer, the old couple, even if to the point of such a light, still impulsive, turned off the cell phone, to avoid the children of them! constraints, traveling around in an RV, and making a big show of love on the way.
Let us feel very incredible, walking through the marriage decades of the old couple actually in their respective premise of suffering from serious illnesses, can still make life full of passion, mutual appreciation and adoration for each other, each other do not hide their love for each other, rather than experiencing decades of marriage, rather than they have been together for decades of love.
3, habit becomes nature
Habit becomes nature is a magician. It is cruel to the beautiful, but merciful to the ugly.
It is undeniable that the two sides in love when there must have been passion, just this passionate stage of time to maintain a long and short, when our love in the value of the stage, both sides of the character of each other, hobbies, as a person have a thorough understanding of each other, and even understand each other more than their own, and at the same time, the other side has just started to create passion for themselves. The beginning to create passion for their own means and routines of their own cycle a lot of rounds, if still the previous routine, then the other party has long been as a natural, not accidental.
When the passion has become a habit, then the love will fall into the burnout, only inadvertently, unexpected romantic moves will cause a woman's attention, and this romance as long as the frequency of too frequent, then it will lose the color of the romance should be.
Four, how to create a "sense of tension"
"Catfish effect" in love, in fact, there is a very good inspiration and use, when the love is gradually becoming a pool of stagnant water, the lack of passion in the past, then the need to appear so a "The catfish" to stir this pool of stagnant water, that is to say, we in the relationship with the process, need to find a source of stimulation to let our feelings can continue to maintain a sense of freshness.
At the same time there are related research shows: love revelation is the human body endocrine hormones in the chemical reaction, through scientific research and measurement, love freshness period is usually in eighteen months or so. However, the material can not replace the power of will, even if the natural freshness of love is about eighteen months, then we can also through artificial means and methods to extend the freshness of love.
1, love needs a sense of ceremony
When we talked about a long, long time in love, we completely unloaded the previous disguise, exposing the original one of their own will appear when the words and deeds, treat each other is so casual, which makes the other will be very dissatisfied, after all, a person's world and the world of two people is very different, a person can not produce any emotion, two people together to have emotion. One person can't produce any emotion, two people together can produce emotion.
There is a line in the animated movie "The Little Prince" that says, "Ritual is what makes a day different from other days, a moment different from other moments."
When men and women live together, they can't turn life into survival; life needs a sense of ceremony, which reflects a person's respect and love for their feelings, not superficial formalism, which simply allows a person to express their love for each other in a special way.
Men and women get along is a very deep learning, when the feelings into the deep water, as communication is certainly very necessary, but to remember that the content of the communication is far less important than the way of communication, we need to use the other side can understand and accept the way the content will be shown to each other.
Similarly, perhaps you love each other, give each other material and spiritual care in life, the action of practical in the pay, but the other party may not be able to recognize your way of giving, even if you pay more, the other party is no sense, so the sense of ceremony is very important, the role of the sense of ceremony lies in the love of the other party can be understood and accepted by the other party to pass to the other party.
2, enhance their own value so that the other party has a sense of crisis
Two people together for a long time, it is inevitable that they are numb to each other, and may not be able to realize the existence of hidden dangers, as warm water boiled frogs, once the crisis comes, there is no way to escape. When the love into numbness and blandness, can not passively hope that the other party to become that "catfish", for example, for a woman, she herself can be turned into that "catfish".
Time has passed, the man has been accustomed to the current state of the relationship, he decided that the woman will not leave their own, natural attentiveness to the woman is not as good as it was before, know that this truth, the woman to do is to become more excellent, dig their own potential, including their own hard power and soft power.
It is well known that men are visual animals, if the two together for a long time, the woman is also lazy to dress up and make up, then the man will naturally be aesthetic fatigue, even if their daughter-in-law and then beautiful, go out of the eye always have to look at the other women two eyes, which shows that the man has been on their own women's aesthetic fatigue, the woman love beauty in fact, but also a kind of self-conservation and appreciation of the practice of knowing their own beauty, investment, the man will have a sense of crisis, the man will have a sense of security. The first thing you need to do is to invest in your own beauty, so that you can have a sense of crisis and fear that other men will take away your own woman, and naturally you won't dare to slack off on your woman.
Appearance belongs to the hard power, there is a corresponding soft power, women must know how to enhance the temperament of the self, cultured, talk, after all, the appearance of the first sensory stimulation, the timeliness of the short, and a woman of taste will allow men to have been to express their admiration, which will also increase the man's sense of crisis, and will want to come up with other fresh ways to keep women's hearts, and naturally, it will be pushed back to The passionate state of love.