I was born where blood is thicker than water and grew up where blood is thicker than water, but I became someone else's daughter-in-law and became a guest when I got home.
Of course, this feeling is not given by parents. For most women, almost without exception, the reason why they feel like strangers after marriage is because of their brother or brother and their other half.
It turns out that my friend Lei Lei doesn't feel this way. A few years after graduation, she also lived in her mother's house for a period of time, living with her brother, sister-in-law and parents. She feels like family. But after I got married, I went back to my hometown to live, only to find that everything had changed a lot.
Because her husband was sent abroad, only pregnant Lei Lei stayed at home. My husband has been away for two years. He doesn't believe that only Lei Lei is at home. He suggested that his mother should live with Lei Lei so that they could stay with each other.
But for Lei Lei, she felt that she could not cope with her mother-in-law alone. Mother-in-law is not her real mother after all, and it is always awkward to get along with her. Especially when her husband is not at home, it is really difficult for her to face it. Therefore, Lei Lei suggested that she simply resign and go home.
The husband is also willing to understand Lei Lei's thoughtfulness. In fact, Lei Lei is more comfortable and relaxed when he comes home. So, before he went abroad, he gave Lei Lei to his family.
Lei Lei's parents live with Lei Lei's eldest brother. Their parents' names were written on the original house. That's an old house at home. But since Lei Lei got married, the house was renamed Lei Lei's eldest brother and sister-in-law. But the layout of the room has not changed. Lei Lei's room is still the same as before.
After returning to her family, Lei Lei felt happier than ever. It seems that she hasn't lived at home since graduation. Now she has changed from a family of four to a family of six. Although it became crowded, it also became more lively. She likes the atmosphere here.
A few days after returning home, my sister-in-law asked her out shopping. When eating, my sister-in-law said awkwardly that she hoped Lei Lei would give her family living expenses. After all, there is one more person at home, and the expenses are getting bigger and bigger. Besides, because Lei Lei was pregnant, Lei Lei's mother chose the best food and spent a lot of money both inside and outside.
After listening to her sister-in-law, Lei Lei didn't know what to say. This is the first time she has heard that her daughter has to pay living expenses when she goes back to her parents' house. She looked at her sister-in-law and thought this person was very strange.
She argued with her sister-in-law and said, "Sister-in-law, this is my home, too. They are my parents. And as far as I know, the living expenses of this family have always been with their parents' pensions, and they have never eaten you or your brother's. "
But my sister-in-law said, "The living expenses depend on my parents' pension, but before you came, my parents still had a lot of pension left, and they will send your nephew to kindergarten." "But after you came, they didn't care about their grandson at all. I don't think this is fair. Besides, you are married, have your own family, and go home to receive living expenses. "
Looking at such a haggle over every ounce's sister-in-law, Lei Lei knew it was useless to say more. When she got home, she took out 2000 yuan in front of the whole family, saying that it was her daughter's intention to give 2000 yuan every month.
She didn't say that her sister-in-law found her, all for the harmony of this family. Since then, she has never felt close to her sister-in-law, and rarely buys expensive toys and clothes for her nephew. After a long time, my sister-in-law regretted it. After all, it's hard to have any enemies.
After listening to my friend's experience, it is hard to imagine how she faced her sister-in-law in that home. My daughter lives in her parents' house, but she has to pay the living expenses. It is chilling to say it.
In my opinion, Lei Lei's sister-in-law really went a little too far.
First of all, although the name of Lei Lei's eldest brother and sister-in-law is written on the property certificate, it was given by Lei Lei's parents, who are also children. Lei Lei didn't inherit anything, and a house with four bedrooms and one living room wouldn't cost millions. Lei Lei didn't complain or feel unfair.
Moreover, Lei Lei's parents paid the living expenses at home, while Lei Lei's eldest brother and sister-in-law didn't pay a penny. I believe that Lei Lei's parents are willing to spend money for their daughter, and my sister-in-law and brother should not ask Lei Lei to make up for it.
According to Lei Lei's sister-in-law, Lei Lei's arrival threatened their son and their lives. Children's education expenses should be paid by themselves, but isn't it natural to raise children by themselves?
Parents pay because they are willing to help their children. Don't complain if the children don't pay. After all, it's parents' money, and they have the right to control it.
In fact, after careful analysis, Lei Lei's sister-in-law did this because she thought Lei Lei was married and an outsider. Going back to your mother's house is a "guest" and a "pro". Since there are many relationships, how can she live in their house for nothing?
I'm sure many people will think so. For many women who are "sister-in-law", they automatically take all their family property in their own names after marriage, while for married "sister-in-law", there is almost no room.
This kind of behavior is tantamount to hurting my sister-in-law's heart and cutting off family ties in disguise.
Besides, as far as I know, just six months after the whole incident, Lei Lei came home from confinement and had an accident. Lei Lei's sister-in-law went to the hospital in Lei Lei because of illness, but Lei Lei only went once, leaving two thousand yuan, and never appeared again.
In addition, due to the lack of medical expenses, Lei Lei clearly knew that she had not offered to lend money to her brother's sister-in-law, and her sister-in-law was naturally embarrassed to talk to her.
Lei Lei's parents also advised Lei Lei, and her sister-in-law regretted saying those words, but for Lei Lei, those words were like a knife, which broke her heart. It was not unreasonable to plant something for the sake of what.
Maybe many people will think that Lei Lei is too bitter, but not between relatives. You can't experience such a thing from the other person's point of view. If you feel this way, you have no right to persuade others to be kind and generous.
Originally, families didn't need this. Both sister-in-law and daughter are family, which is fate. There is no need to divide it so clearly, and there is no need to be angry because of these thousands of dollars.
In fact, it is also easy to solve the problem of whether a daughter has to pay the permanent residence fee after marriage. If parents live alone, it depends on what their parents mean. Even if parents don't need their daughters to take money, they should be more filial and accompany them.
If you live with your aunt, that's your aunt's house. If economic conditions permit, you can voluntarily submit living expenses. This will not only make my sister-in-law comfortable, but also make my parents not embarrassed.
And sister-in-law, also want to take an appropriate step, more considerate to her sister-in-law, more care, parents' property distribution in the future, don't monopolize, after all, even married daughter, is also a part of this family.
A big family will never be happy if they want to live in harmony. Only when both sides give each other less, the feelings will be stronger, and we can better resist risks and storms together in the future.