I just got married and my husband is American. Many people say they are envious. So many girls in China seem to be desperate to marry foreigners and go abroad. There are also so many people who scold China girls who are close to foreigners online. Anyway, I don't care about these, I just want to say all my emotions.
1
My husband and I met in college three and a half years ago. At home. At that time, he was an international exchange student at another university in the same city as me, studying Chinese. I studied art, but my English was quite good, which was my capital to enter the university at that time. Because before the college entrance examination, I raided the art major, sketch and color in the studio for half a year, but the color was bad, so I entered the university with the advantage of culture class. But this has become an advantage in college. Because many people say that girls who study art are beautiful, some English majors come to me when they organize English evenings.
It happened that our school and my husband's university had a fellowship English party at that time, so we met. However, there are many foreigners and many British students. Maybe it's because girls in the art department are better at dressing up, so I attracted a lot of people's attention. At that time, my husband was handsome, with blond hair, thin face, blue eyes and a light brown leisure suit. He looked very Beatle-like. I like it very much. And he started talking to me, going back under the pretext of riding in a car with me.
Later, we started to get together, but it was just a simple interaction. I didn't even think there would be a future, because he will return to China soon.
The previous bad impression of foreigners began to fade, because I thought they were very open before, so I was especially careful. But he is not what I imagined, but a gentleman. Later, I learned that his whole family believed in Christianity and he came from a small town in the United States. They go to church every Sunday. Their parents are middle school teachers. They are very filial and strict with their children.
Then he returned to America. E-mail me every day. Call every few days (it's cheap to call China in the United States, only 30 cents a minute), so every time you call my dormitory, you have to talk 1 hour or more. Then he told his parents. I also told my parents. My parents were very opposed at first. And the reason is very realistic. They say that city girls like me have good family conditions, good looks and good temper. In any case, she can find a family with a house, a car and a little family business in our city. Why did she go abroad to suffer? Their parents won't prepare a house for her children. Maybe I have to work.
As a student, my major is not good (literature and history, it is difficult to find a job in the United States), and my family as a teacher is only the middle and lower classes, and my social status is definitely not as good as that in China. But at that time, I was very touched by others, and I still miss me so much every day. I like him, too. Although I am convinced of my parents' reasons from the bottom of my heart, I still cannot bear to part with him. I feel cruel and painful at the thought of his sad appearance. Besides, I thought my life in America would never be bad, so I stuck to it.
Later, we both graduated. He was admitted to the graduate school in the United States and intends to continue his studies. But because my determination is not complete, I didn't take the TOEFL test and didn't apply to an American school, so we still can't be together. Unexpectedly, he decided to ask the school for annual leave to visit me in China and stay with me in the city where I found a job. I was very moved at that time, but because of my busy work, I didn't have time to read the language at all.
2
Unexpectedly, he proposed to me later, so we began to go through my formalities for going abroad. Because the materials to prove our relationship are very easy to find, we have many photos and daily emails with our families, so my visa is coming soon. So I went to America last year.
At first, I lived in their house, which was very nice and warm. His family is very kind to me, too. We are always asked out by his friends. I also feel quite happy, because I am a fun-loving person. I used to go out to karaoke and eat and drink with my colleagues every week when I went to work. Here, I have many friends, too. I still play. Although the place is small, he drives his father's car every time I go out (his car was sold by his father when he was in China because the insurance premium was very expensive). I feel that he treats me like a princess and is very considerate.
three
But school is about to start, and we flew to California together, leaving the shelter of his parents, and my nightmare began.
It rained that night, so we took a taxi from the airport to his rented house. This is a single room with bath. And the original garage was changed into a room for rent by the owner. I think it's nothing. Anyway, I am still very happy with my beloved. Later, time began to look for a house. Looking for a house with one room and one living room.
But houses in California are very expensive! This is a poor place not far from anywhere. One bedroom and one living room is $795 per month. It's still an old house in the 1920s, and the cupboard door in the kitchen can't be closed tightly. The cupboard under the toilet bucket, I almost threw up when I opened the door, it was all moldy! Moreover, no room in the whole house has a door except the toilet. So the door is a sliding door. After numerous re-specialization, the threshold of sliding door has been buried under the carpet and cannot be used. I turned out the interlining I brought from home (my mother thought I would definitely paint when I arrived in America, so I bought many interlining with beautiful colors as the background before coming) to make a door curtain. But there are no poles for hanging curtains ~ ~ But this house is the best we can find and the most affordable ~ ~
But I can't bear to cry when I look at his enthusiastic decoration of this home. In fact, I miss my home, the clean floor, the car my father drives when I want to go out, my little hair (my dog) and the food my mother cooks at home.
At first, as in China, I was happy to tell him which restaurant I was going to eat and what to eat.
But he began to worry. He was very depressed in that restaurant. He said I should learn to take care of myself and cook by myself. I thought he had gone too far. Why are you talking about me outside? You didn't give me face! Don't come out if you don't want to take me out for dinner. Why did you come here to say such obscene things?
I was angry and ignored him.
I walked very fast when I got home. I went straight ahead without turning into the house. Why don't you even want to eat rice! When I was in China, my family seldom ate at home. Either my father's friends treat me or my friends invite me out to dinner. Every meal is very lively. Now I have to cook by myself every day!
He was also in a hurry that day. When I finally walked home, I saw him sitting in a daze at the door, his bike lying on the grass. Because we don't have a car here, he goes to school by bike for 20 minutes every day, and then gets a free ride to school. 50 minutes on the road, one hour and 40 minutes back and forth every day. When he saw me, he hugged me and said he was sorry, and then he began to tell me that if we went out to eat every day, his meager salary (he also worked as a part-time teaching assistant at school) was not enough for us. Later, I cried and told him I was sorry, but I really didn't adapt. I finally realized that I can't afford to eat a decent meal outside from the time I enjoyed eating happily every day in China. I have learned before that it is easy to enter luxury, but it is rare to enter luxury.
Later, I started snapping my fingers and cooking at home every day, making me look like a kannika nimtragol. I cried, too, but when I called my parents, I pretended to be happy and worried. If they know that I have a bad life in that far place and can't take care of me, my mother may cry.
At first, I also liked cooking and reading recipes every day. But after a long time, I began to miss my friends. Friends who used to go out every weekend. I want to sing ~ I want to go shopping, but now I don't even have a friend here. He is busy again. School is very nervous and busy. Read books every day when you go home and prepare for the next day's class.
We don't even have a TV!
There is only a broken radio that we found in the street when we were looking for a house.
We finally have a second-hand sofa. I just sit on the sofa and watch him busy typing and reading in front of the computer every day. I can't disturb him while he is studying. I know that if we screw up his study, our life will be more difficult ~
four
I started frantically looking for schools and jobs. Even if I wanted to have a job as a waiter in a coffee shop, I accepted it. Although he is a white-collar worker in China, he earns 3000 yuan a month to buy shoes and cosmetics, and lives a moonlight family life. Anyway, when I run out, my family will send me money. When I was in college, my mother never canceled the account that sent me money, and asked me if I didn't spend all my money and wanted to send money. I never thought of bringing plates and bowls to others before. I used to be a guest who went out to eat! My father's friends sometimes make fun of the waiter. Now that I think about it, it's really bitter.
Finally found a free language school. Start class. However, the school is far from home, and we have to go to school by bus every day. The monthly bus pass here is $60 a month! It costs 2.25 dollars to take a bus once, so you can take a taxi comfortably in China. But very helpless, can only take the bus every day.
I brought a lot of clothes. Because I used to like shopping and reading fashion magazines, I must buy two magazines, World Fashion Garden and Fashion, and sometimes I also buy COCO. My mother is also afraid that clothes are expensive here. I bought a lot of clothes for myself before going abroad. When I came, everyone on the plane could only take two big boxes and two small bags, so my husband and I had three big boxes and two small bags filled with my clothes and shoes.
So every morning, I get dressed and go to school by bus. The buses here are full of poor people who can't afford cars, many blacks, many old people, people in wheelchairs and some homeless people. Once, I sat next to a smelly tramp. I choked back my nausea and finally got out of the car. When I got off the bus, my eyes were wet. I cried when I got home, but my husband was at school, and I felt very lonely and helpless.
five
The most embarrassing thing was when we went to the concert. Because I always dress up like this to participate in activities. I used to dress well even when I went to karaoke with my friends, not to mention this kind of activity.
I'm wearing a little skirt and Belle gold high heels when I was in China. I was very happy at first, because I finally had a chance to go out to play again. But when I went out, I felt something was wrong. I used to go out to call a taxi, but now I have to walk to the bus stop step by step in high heels. It's a long way and takes 20 minutes. My feet began to hurt before I got to the bus stop.
When we got on the bus, many people stared at us, and we were out of place with the bus.
I felt much better when I arrived at the bar where the concert was held. The atmosphere inside is very good. Then the lead singer of that band talked to us because he said I was a star and looked like an Asian friend in his circle. My husband was also very happy and talked a lot with him.
Then we came out and started walking to the bus stop again. Unlike in China, there are few taxis here, and no group of people flock to the bus station. The pleasant conversation just now made us miss the last bus. I have to change trains. We walked alone in the midnight cold wind. After waiting for more than an hour, I finally got on a round-trip bus, but there was no way. We have to transfer. I waited for more than an hour when I changed trains. A young black man spoke to us in a friendly way. Later, my husband asked him where he came from, and he said you wouldn't want to know, and then slowly said, I just came out of a big house. My husband held my hand tightly and I felt his nervousness. Later I asked him what a big house was, and he said it was a prison.
six
I finally got a job. Serving in a restaurant, part-time job. Sadly, this is a Mexican restaurant, and many people who work are Mexicans. And those skinny girls are very straightforward, and I will listen to them when they say they have been here for a long time. I'm angry, but I can't help it. They squeezed me out, and when they ordered the food, they grabbed it when they saw the high price, because the consumption was high and the tip was high. I cried on the first day when I came home, because I was tired from standing for a long time. My husband lovingly gave me hot water to soak my feet (because my father used to take us to wash our feet, and I said I liked it very much, the best foot washing hall in our city. ), I cried so hard that he was at a loss. Later, I learned that those girls actually just entered high school, because my Osaka looks very small (in China, people say that I am young, and my skin and Zhang Xiang don't look like 25, like 20,265,438+0). I look even smaller here, because the 24-and 5-year-old girls here have many wrinkles in their eyes and speak very differently, and most of them are mature. So they think I'm only 16 years old, younger than them, so they bully me like this.
I still feel wronged when I get home. After all, I am a white-collar worker in China, but here I work with those high school students and serve dishes. But I don't want to lose, but I must wear a uniform to work. The blue trousers thong is hard to see, and it is not mature at all. So I put on a thick costume to look mature, and then I began to talk hard to prevent them from bullying me. If they have any problems, such as bad attitude and changing the number of cash registers without authorization, I will immediately report them to my boss.
But I am not happy. Although I didn't lose to them, what have I become now? The former friendly characters are almost gone! And began to nag.
seven
I am very tired, and my heart is very bitter. But looking at my husband's anxious appearance, I am also very anxious and dare not cry. He applied for an extra job, also at school. This makes our life a little easier. I don't feel so depressed when I go shopping in the supermarket. For fewer things, you have to index them by hand before you can make up your mind to buy them.
But I was reluctant to go to a small supermarket before. Every time I go to the supermarket with my mother, I buy a lot of snacks. Now, looking at those canned plums, I have to swallow them. Every time I call my mother, she always tells me what brand of clothes and shoes she bought me. At the end of the season, she got a discount and bought a suit for my husband. As soon as I hung up, I collapsed. I used to think that my life would be good, that I would buy cosmetics for my mother when I came to America, but now. ...
Only when I see my husband come back every day with a distressed face will I feel a little comfort. He is very nice, but we are really poor!
eight
One afternoon, he began to get busy again. I still sit on the sofa in a daze. It suddenly occurred to me that I actually live at the bottom of America. I was depressed, and some pictures began to flash in my mind. My hand was cut by a blade, and my home was in chaos. I suddenly got a cold war. I was very cheerful before, and I never thought of such a thing. Even when I saw some young people commit suicide on the news, I laughed at them. But now I am beginning to have this tendency myself ~!
I went to bed quietly.
But I can't help crying when I think how sad my husband and parents will be if I die. In the past six months, almost all my tears have been as much as those in the past 25 years. My husband heard me cry and recently asked me what happened. I don't want to talk to him.
It was a long time before I choked and asked him what would happen to him if I died.
He was startled, shook me hard and asked me what was wrong. Then I saw him in tears and said that he must feel dead.
I put up with it for a long time and finally told him that we were too poor and I was homesick.
He comforted me and told me to tell him all my thoughts.
I talked intermittently for more than an hour, buried myself in his arms and cried bitterly, and then gradually fell asleep.
nine
From that day on, I was like a wronged child, and I was always in a bad mood. But my husband still has to study and work. I have to work. I just lost my enthusiasm.
Suicide still often flashes in my mind.
I'm going home. But I can't bear to be separated from my husband. He will finish his doctorate in four years.
I am not happy, I am not happy at all, and I have changed from a little princess at home to such a social role.
What should I do? I was depressed when I was poor in America.