Last time someone introduced me to a princess.
At the age of 22, he already has billions of assets.
The little princess is quite beautiful.
My parents think their country is too small and has no future, so they put it off again and again.
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Hello, female soldier.
Last time someone tried to introduce me to a female soldier.
At the age of 22, he was already the commander of a group army (of course, he inherited his father's footsteps, hehe)
Girls are quite modern.
My parents don't think they are from the Beijing Military Region, so they have no future.
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Last time, a girl came to me.
She said her name was Nicole Kidman and she had to marry me.
She said she was very popular and won many awards (as if she were great)
I reluctantly agreed to go to see my parents with her.
But as soon as her parents saw me, they cried and knelt in front of me and told me to leave their daughter.
Because I am so handsome, they don't think Nicole Kidman is good enough for me.
They will give me all their money to find a better one.
But I think a billion dollars is useless, too little and boring!
So I turned them down ~
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Hello, Gates ~
Last time I went out to play video games, I met him ~ and still insisted on worshipping me as a teacher ~
He waits for me downstairs all night every night ~
He also said he would give me real estate ~
In fact, his family doesn't have much money ~
Just tens of billions ~
I don't think he can speak Changsha dialect ~
I'll push it if the language is unreasonable in the future ~
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I was born in the wrong age.
You should have been born when you entered the customs in the Qing Dynasty. Go to Shanhaiguan for one stop.
The Qing rebels will feel inferior when they see me, and they all jump into the sea.
What else does Manchu have to enter the customs ~ ~
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Actually, I was not born in England during the steam revolution. I knew that I had made a mistake.
I was going to appear in England at that time, and all the men felt so inferior that they were either crazy or committed suicide.
Women are not much better, they all become like anthomaniac. It is enough to say my name every day.
Where will there be an empire that does not fall? Maybe there will be an empire of China.
You don't have to learn English so painfully now. Chinese is the universal language in the world. How comfortable.
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Do you know how Li Bai died? I just read my poem and hanged myself ~
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Do you know why Rosamund Kwan didn't get married? I just like me so much that I cried and said that I would marry me. But I think she is older than me and less sexy than my (ex-girlfriend) Athena Chu, so I pushed her away.
But she still calls once a day and flies to Switzerland to see me once a week. Alas, there are still so many handsome guys in the world (although they are all worse than me), why bother? Women do this sometimes.
I can't relax. It was difficult for her to marry someone else until I was disfigured. Oh, my God. . . . . . . . Is it a mistake to be too handsome? ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
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Do you know why Bush wants bin Laden?
Because bin laden took a look at my nanny who cooked.
Bush can't stand it. He loves my nanny too much.
I can't help it My nanny is so beautiful that all men like it.
Although I have no feelings for her.
Xiao bu said, the man in this world, he persuaded me,
That beautiful woman is my nanny, and he admitted it.
I told him: Xiao Bu, in fact, I have no feelings for her. Just work hard.
Xiaobu cried and cried to recognize me as the big brother.
Hey, there's nothing I can do about being so charming ~
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My family is very rich, with more than 100 computers. I like each one very much. I touch it every day and use it every day.
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One day, I was bored and learned to meow. Oh, my God. ! ! ! ! ! The mice are all gone.
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One day at noon, Xiaoxian met Lan Xin.
Leisure: Xin, did you have lunch?
A Xin: No! I wonder if you would like to eat Chinese food with me!
Idle and willing to answer!
Glancing at the menu casually, he added: tiger's hoof, leopard's gall, dragon's blood, phoenix wings and yellow head. . . . . Tired!
Alas. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
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I don't remember the day when my sister went out to play. Qin Shihuang didn't allow it. He loves my sister so much that he is afraid that she will get lost. He thought of a way. . . . . . So, just
Wan Li Great Wall ~ ~ ~ ~
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God said to me: when you don't like playing football, remember to give me back the earth ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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Do you know why Zhao's 400,000 troops were killed in the battle of Changping? At that time, I was an idol of Bai Qi, and everything on Bai Qi was embroidered with my name, including his underwear. one
A captured Zhao accidentally threw up and landed on his underwear outside to dry. You can insult my personality, my family and my country.
Even my underwear loves me, but you can't insult my greatest idol and get my idol's name dirty. I'm angry! ! In this way, Zhao flew into a rage.
A hundred thousand troops fell and all the pits were killed. I said to him: Xiao Bai, isn't this a bit too much? Leitian cried and said, alas, who are you? How can earthly people be defiled immortal
Zhao, I swear not to be human! ! I said, so I didn't argue with you to embroider my name on your underwear? That's disgusting. Tian Lei cried again: Please forgive my little selfishness.
After killing Zhao, I will commit suicide to thank you! !
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How great Xiao ai is. In fact, he blushed when he saw me. At that time, he was still working as a handyman at the University of Berlin. I knew this boy had some potential. At that time, I gave him a nudge: "Little Love,
Want to be a celebrity? "Little love looked at me with big innocent eyes:" Celebrity? What is a celebrity? " I coaxed, "It's good to be a celebrity. I'm popular everywhere. "
Spicy, you don't have to pay for picking up girls. "Little love's eyes lit up:" Is it really free to pick up girls? That celebrity is really a good thing! How can I become a celebrity? "I smiled happily:"
Xiao Ai, I met you today, and we hit it off. I'll just say a few words to you, and you write it down carefully. The first sentence: sitting on a beautiful woman, a year seems to be one second! The second sentence: sit
On the stove, a second is like a year! Don't underestimate these two sentences. Think about them. They will be with you all your life. "Little love firmly remember these two sentences, but he is still not very clear.
Understand the meaning. Many things happen. After ten years of painful thinking, he finally understood the true meaning and put forward the world-famous theory of relativity.
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I can't imagine the Dunkirk retreat without me. The situation was too dangerous. Dozens of W allies crowded into a small port, and there were not enough ships, followed by 100.
Tens of thousands of heavily armed Germans, this scene has collapsed enough. At that time, Xiaoqiu and Dai Xiao almost knelt down and begged me, crying and begging me. I really had no choice. Who told me to be soft-hearted? Even now.
Still wearing slippers, too late to change shoes. I hitchhiked a wood blade and flew over Dunkirk. It depends. Really not good. The German army is half a mile away from the Allies.
Not here. If you promise someone, you must do one thing seriously. The highest meaning of luck, determination, sword and kendo: the father, the son, the holy spirit are one, and the dragon is beheaded. I saw the shaking.
The dazzling light blocked the sun and made a loud noise. A bottomless fissure with a length of 100 kilometers and a width of nearly 500 meters appeared between the allied forces and the Germans. morality
Our army can't get through. Then I made the second move, the star emperor cross sword cut, a huge cross sword awn appeared in the sky, and then exploded into countless star awns, German fighters and
As soon as the bomber touched the star, it turned into fly ash, and no one was spared. The allies were finally safe, and they retreated safely to Britain, retaining the last anti-fascist force in Europe. Later, there was
Politician Stalin asked me why I didn't hand over all the Germans to K.O. I looked at the sky and said faintly, "Stoudemire, in fact, I went against the sky that time." Hitt
Le uprising is a doomed disaster in Europe. In a few decades, a strong and unified community will emerge in Europe. They are just one created by people to prevent bad luck from happening again.
Work hard. Stoudemire listened quietly, but a little crazy: "Will I live to see it?"
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How powerful the king of Qin swept Liuhe! But if there is no great man behind him, it is impossible to unify the whole country with his qualifications. I really worked hard for my little victory at that time.
. I am in charge of internal affairs, diplomacy and military affairs. I just need to put an imperial seal on the document. How comfortable. Every time before a fierce battle in Qin Jun, I would sneak into the army and take the lead.
Level, the death of the enemy commander in chief, general heart chaos, is invincible in Qin Jun. I still remember the last general I killed. His name was Li Mu. When he left, Zhao was not afraid. from
Li Mu saw my blood spatter five steps, but in an instant, Li Mu said a word before he died: "The fast sword can die under this kind of swordsmanship, and my life is worth it!" sky
After reunification, Xiao Yan knelt down and begged me to be enthroned. He was willing to give up. I smiled faintly: "Idiot, all beings in the world have a destiny." . My task is to help you unify the sky.
Next, your task is to become the first emperor in the history of China. It can be called the first emperor in the future. In the future, you will abolish the old system of vassal enfeoffment, divide the world into several counties and put them in salt.
Yang directly governs the national unified weights and measures and currency, which makes the books have the same language and the same track. Then build a post canal to promote national traffic and economy, and the long-term chaos will be cured. As for me,
You will never see me again. Remember, don't let me stay in history. Those literati who wrote my deeds, you should kill them all and burn all the books they wrote. I gave this to you.
The first and last request, you must promise me ... "Looking at my fading back, I sighed, and two lines of clear tears unconsciously flowed down ~ ~
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One day, I came back from a cloud tour and found a lot of people, so I went to have a look.
Ah, some of my disciples are bragging,
I eavesdropped for a while and couldn't help admiring.
After a while, he smiled and said: Not bad, actually learned the essence of my 65438+ 1
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One day, three mice got together to chat.
The first one said, "I took three packs of rat poison yesterday. It's so fucking sweet, I'm addicted. I searched all day today and only found the 10 package. I'm not full. How will I live in the future? I'm depressed.
. "
The second one said, "It's like tickling me with a mousetrap. Don't mention how comfortable it is I searched all day today and only found 10 mousetraps, all of which were detonated by me. My body still itches badly.
what can I do? I'm gonna hang myself! "
The third said, "You two are blowing here. I don't have time. I went to soak the cat. "
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During the SARS period, I accidentally walked into a huge supermarket to shop and coughed in front of the container. Suddenly, everyone was silent! Is it boring? Look around. . . . There is nothing in such a big supermarket.
Personnel # ￥% ...
At this moment, I heard someone talking on the loudspeaker: "Stop the fuck, don't go! I am an investor in this supermarket! Starting today! This supermarket is yours!
I feel dizzy. . . . . . .
Girls' articles:
My little name is Xiaomei and my big name is Damei.
It is said that when I was born, I came out smiling. The nurse carried me to the delivery room. I smiled. I don't want all pregnant women with baby boys in the whole room to give birth prematurely. Those baby boys have just grown a head.
If you don't cry, just blink your eyes and follow me around, humming: beauty! Beautiful! It was not until I went out that I heard the waves howling behind me crying one after another.
When I was a child, my family hired a female college student as a tutor. After teaching for a day, she left because she felt too inferior in front of me. Since then, she has never looked in the mirror.
Cry as soon as you take a picture. I stayed at home since I was a child, afraid to go out, because once I went to the park, drivers and pedestrians on the road stared at me, resulting in eight cars being hit and seven people suffering.
Injured, six cyclists fell into the sewer and five people hit the telephone pole.
I went to the park once, and the next day, the flowers in the park withered. At that time, I didn't know what beauty was and why. My family gave me a veil when I was studying.
Let me cover my face. I didn't lift the veil until I went to college. There is a beauty queen in the university who has a strong self-esteem. One day she accidentally saw my face, and she has been very lively.
Disappointed for a few days, she disappeared. I heard from my classmates that she went to Korea for plastic surgery. When the beauty queen came back from plastic surgery, she stole a look at me and walked away silently without saying a word. The next day,
Went to Korea.
I thought I could graduate smoothly. I don't want to study at night I go home by bike. At the school gate, my veil fell off and was seen by the positive boy. He knocked at the door with his eyes wide open.
He fell down loudly and was taken to the hospital. The doctor said he had a heart attack because of extreme excitement. Before he died, he smiled and said the last three words: how beautiful!
For this, I feel deeply guilty. I ran to the overpass at night and cried. When I lifted the veil to wipe my tears, I was accidentally photographed by a reporter. The next day, my photo was in the newspaper, and the next day, it was owned by the whole city.
Every man with a family wants a divorce. During the day, men wandered around the overpass where I once stood, and at night, they slept on the overpass with quilts.
I can't stay in this city any longer. My family decided to send me to America. When I visited the art museum in America, I saw Mona Lisa's smile, just as I took off my silent mirror to appreciate it.
Mona Lisa covered it with her hand. Since then, the smile of the famous painting "Mona Lisa" has disappeared, but another painting "Mona Lisa's troubles" has appeared.
I am in great pain, and I hate myself. I decided to go back to China and ask the Buddha to grant me death at the Buddhist temple. I knelt in front of the Buddha and said, Buddha, I'm not a villain, I just.
Because beauty, people, society and the world have such a big sin. Now I just want to ask Buddha to give me a death. Just say that finish, looked up and saw the Buddha's face has become a little stiff, here.
You can't die. I won't let you die. I want to pursue you in a secular way. I panicked and ran away.
I ran to the seaside and asked myself, am I really that beautiful? I didn't believe it, so I ran to a hotel and opened a room. I looked in the bathroom mirror, and I undressed one by one.
I've never seen my body in my life. I looked at my body quietly, and suddenly I choked, my heart slowed down and my mind went blank. I know I, I, I will be
I'm so beautiful.
Boys:
I was born in an ordinary family, with healthy parents, grandparents and several uncles and aunts.
It is said that when I was born, there was an auspicious cloud in the northern sky, which gradually floated to my roof from far and near and became a word: handsome.
After seeing me, my father cried at the top of his voice for a month and a half. He killed me and didn't believe that I was a child of his chromosome inheritance. He rushed to my mother's bed several times with a kitchen knife and waved and said
I'm going to be chopped to pieces, and my mother will protect me with her death and let me live.
Later, in order to prove her innocence, the mother dragged her father to the hospital for paternity test. The doctor lifted the quilt, only looked at it and cried, wiped his nose and said, go home, this is not your son.
Son, nobody. Humans can't give birth to such a handsome child. ......
A student nurse passed by and saw that I was a baby. She immediately found a box of red inkpad, printed my fingerprints, and messed up my hair at once, mumbling to me.
Long hair is for you. If I don't marry you in my life, my long hair will not decrease. I will tidy up the ancient Buddha and comb my hair in the boudoir. ......
Mother hurried out and trotted all the way, accidentally meeting an old lady waiting to have a baby in the obstetrics and gynecology department next door. The old lady grabbed her mother and said kindly, son, what's the hurry? Yes
What is the hard part? Don't hit the child. ......
My mother was upset by her, so she pulled the quilt away. As soon as the old lady saw me, she immediately followed me like a madman, and tears rolled down, shaking her head and screaming, "Good morning!" "
Born 50 years! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Lightning mom ......
When I was fifteen, I was afraid to go to school. I didn't go to kindergarten. I dare not go for a long time. The children, teachers and dean in the whole park are crazy, and my face is getting smaller.
The girl's kiss swelled into a watermelon, and the aunts beat the children, not for anything else. Just because they were born in the same year as me and the military and police were outside, they were considered to have calmed the violent twins.
There are people fishing in front of my house all the year round, and they never come back empty-handed. The most interesting thing is that our home is 0/00 km away from the sea/kloc-,but they often catch tuna in the small stinking ditch in front of the door.
Turtle eggs were found behind the haystack. Later, after investigation, it turned out that there were countless women crying at my door all the year round, and the composition of tears was rich in amino acids and protein.
Very suitable for tuna to survive and turtles to lay eggs. Over the years, those women's tears have gathered into a small beach. By the time I was fifteen, the beach was full of prosperity;
By the time I was eighteen, the beach had developed so fast that it was called Hawaii.
Once I was so bored that I sneaked out of the house at night. If I see a female animal, I'm ready to run. Who knows that after I went out, there was nothing but a scream.
There is a chase. I looked back carefully and they all fainted on the beach. ......
On another occasion, the court sued me, saying that I had ruined the happiness of a family. It turned out that the wife of that family asked her husband for a divorce after seeing the photos I secretly took when I was six years old. Court acceptance
After that, I received a subpoena. After receiving the summons, I expressed my willingness to appear in court, because such a life is really unbearable. But the summons didn't go back to court because I signed it.
So I was caught by the postman on the way ... and later the postman was sentenced to 122 years in prison.
I was born in an ordinary family, with healthy parents, grandparents and several uncles and aunts.
It is said that when I was born, there was an auspicious cloud in the northern sky, which gradually floated to my roof from far and near and became a word: handsome.
After seeing me, my father cried at the top of his voice for a month and a half. He killed me and didn't believe that I was a child of his chromosome inheritance. He rushed to my mother's bed several times with a kitchen knife and waved it.
He said he would chop me into pieces and my mother would protect me from death so that I could survive.
Grandpa's glaucoma has been more than ten years, and he can't tell whether it's a man or a dog from a meter away, but when I appeared in front of him, the old man's eyes were full of tears, and he could never see the sun again, saying
I don't want to see anyone again, lest there be endless trouble.
Later, in order to prove her innocence, the mother dragged her father to the hospital for paternity test. The doctor lifted the quilt, only looked at it and cried, wiped his nose and said, go home, this is not you.
Son, nobody's here. Humans can't have such handsome children. .....
An intern nurse passed by and saw me take good care of myself. She immediately found a box of red inkpad, printed my fingerprints, spread her hair out at once and muttered to me.
Tao: Long hair is for you. If I don't marry you in my life, my long hair will not decrease. I will tidy up the ancient Buddha and comb my hair in the boudoir. .......
Mother hurried out and trotted all the way, accidentally meeting an old lady waiting to have a baby in the obstetrics and gynecology department next door. The old lady grabbed her mother and said kindly, son, what's the hurry? Yes
What is the hard part? Don't hit the child. ....
My mother didn't worry about him. As soon as she pulled the quilt, the old lady saw me and immediately followed the mental derangement, with her eyes wide open.
Tears welled up, and I fell to the ground, shaking my head and screaming: I was born 50 years ago! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Lightning mom .....
When I was fifteen, I was afraid to go to school. I didn't go to kindergarten. I dare not go for a long time. The children, teachers and dean in the whole park are crazy, and I have it all over my face.
The little girl was swollen into a watermelon, and the aunts beat the child up. If nothing else, just because I was born in the same year and the military and police dispatched, I thought that the riot had been quelled.
There are people fishing in front of my house all the year round and never come back empty-handed. The most interesting thing is that our home is 0/00 km away from the sea/kloc-,but they often catch golden guns in the small trench in front of the door.
Fish and turtle eggs were found behind the haystack. Later, after investigation, it turned out that there were countless women crying at my door all the year round, and the composition of tears was rich in amino acids and protein.
Suitable for tuna survival and turtle spawning. Over the years, those women's tears have gathered into a small beach. By the time I was fifteen, the beach was already prosperous until I was ten.
At the age of eight, this beach developed very rapidly.
So it is called: Hawaii.
Once, I was really bored and sneaked out of the house at night. If I see a female animal, I'm going to run away. Who knows that after I went out, there was nothing but a scream.
Nobody followed me. I looked back carefully and found that they all fainted on the beach. ...
The U.S. Department of Defense formally sued me in The Hague International Court of Justice, saying that I had ruined the happiness of the first family. It turned out that the President's wife, after seeing the photos I secretly took when I was six years old, actually
But George W. Bush and I filed for divorce, creating the first divorce case of an incumbent president in American history. After the International Court of Justice in The Hague accepted the case, a summons was issued to me. After receiving the summons, I expressed my willingness.
Appearing in court, because this life is really unbearable, but the summons did not go back to court, because I signed it, so I was caught by the postman halfway ... Later, the postman was sentenced to 122 years in prison.
Punishment.
The CCTV focus talk show group came to interview me and fainted three times against the glass of the camera. The little girl in charge of taking notes wrote Chinese into Italian and Canadian.
I was smashed the next day when it was broadcast, because the TV station mosaic my face and posted slogans everywhere. Bush took advantage of his visit to China to publicize it in Tiananmen Square.
Field published a book entitled; One of my posters! The speech was conducted under the protection of more than 5,000 t2 agents in the United States. However, Air Force One was attacked, which ruined hope. ....
The United Nations allocated special funds to build a hiding place for me, located at the top of Mount Everest in the Himalayas. The news is extremely blocked. Besides my family and Secretary-General Annan, who else in the world?
I don't know where I am.
I like quiet, really quiet, the blue sky is close to me, God is within reach, I am quiet, but I am also bored. I stood at the top and shouted:
I am not handsome! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Suddenly, a calm voice came from the sky: no, you are lying. ......
God, can't you lie to me? .......
I am very angry, very angry! ! ! Ask God why you make me so handsome! ! ! !
The voice of god's requiem came again: what did you say?
I was limp all over, and I cried. Why am I so handsome? .......
God was silent ... after a while, God spoke: You are very modest. ......
At that moment, I wanted to jump off the peak. ........
Suddenly, a group of people rushed up the mountain at the foot of the mountain. Later, I learned that Annan had been kidnapped. The gangster's mother's grandmother used to be a maid-in-waiting beside Cixi in China during the Qing Dynasty, sir.
It is a history of punishment, a family heirloom, and the top ten tortures in Qing Dynasty. Anna is really an epic man. He didn't tell me where I was hiding until the ninth punishment. ....
I'm crazy! ! !
I stood on a stone, facing the cliff, hysterical: how dare you come up! ! ! I'm gonna jump! ! ! ! !
The crowd stood still, and there was an amazing silence. ....
The crowd began to stir, and many people jumped off the cliff like possessed, more and more! In the end, only a few people who fainted stayed on the mountain, and the rest jumped off the cliff.
I looked down, and they laid a mat for me with their bodies in case I slipped. ....
I am alone ... I was protected by women in the former Pentagon of the United States. Women are proud to see me. Since the last Everest incident, scientists have discovered the potential of human beings.
It turned out to be so powerful, because in the Everest incident, 10% people were terminally ill, 10% people were disabled, 10% people were mentally retarded ... many cancer patients (women) were like this.
In order to meet me, I struggled for more than ten years and became an anti-cancer star. Some disabled people (women) lost their crutches and wheelchairs that accompanied me for decades, and some even broke down.
Won several 100 meter world records.
In desperation, the third world war broke out, and men used atomic bombs to maintain their dignity. ....
After the explosion, I was the only one who survived in the world, because I was protected in the nuclear protection zone. When I came out, the land was deserted, and the land was desolate and deserted after the war.
historical remains ....
Suddenly, I found life on the ground! ! ! !
That's a cockroach! ! ! The vitality of cockroaches is beyond everyone's expectation. I picked up this cockroach with tears in my eyes, and the cockroach trembled all over. I looked around and it was me.
At the foot, it's a cockroach! ! ! All women! ! !
On another coastline, all the male cockroaches are eyeing! ! !
No one would have thought that the fourth world war on earth actually happened among cockroaches. .....
Postscript: I died a thousand years ago. After the birth of mankind, they restored my bones and buried them in the North Pole. On my tombstone, there is a cloud floating all year, which has changed and changed, only
One word: handsome .....