This custom was rare in ancient times, and the mutual understanding between men and women mainly depended on the words of matchmakers. If the man wants to know more about the woman, he often uses the method of "peeping". Peeping is mostly carried out by parents and elders, or when women go out, they quietly follow peeping; Or hide your true identity and buy pigs, cows, etc. And go to the woman's house to secretly observe and innuendo. Most people are afraid that their daughters will be seen by each other. If the man is caught peeking, the woman thinks it is disgraceful, and the marriage may be stiff or even broken.
After * *, the wind of blind date gradually prevailed, but both parties to the marriage basically did not have the right to make their own decisions, and most of them were replaced by their parents and elders. There are two main forms:
One is the man's parents, aunts, aunts, etc. Visit the woman's house another day. The woman's parents usually let her daughter show her face, such as pouring tea and lighting a cigarette. The man's family will look at the woman's appearance, figure, posture and manners. In Quanzhou, Liancheng and other places, there is also the custom of looking at a woman's palm. A blind date's palm reading is not as elegant and mysterious as a fortune teller. Usually, a woman's happiness depends only on the hardness of her palm and the thickness of her skin. Soft palms, delicate skin are good looks, prominent bones and stiff muscles, and rough skin is bad looks without good luck. Fujian folks also generally taboo women's "broken palms" (also known as "horizontal palms", that is, there is a thick and deep line on the palm that runs through the center from left to right, such as through the palm), thinking that such women are "hard" and doomed to kill their husbands (men's broken palms are regarded as the lives of high officials).
The other is that the man himself is taken to the woman's house by the matchmaker or elder for blind date. While observing women, he also accepts her scrutiny. But the couple didn't sit together and talk for a long time. The woman just showed a little and then hid in the back room. In Zhangping, blind date is commonly known as "seeing the bride". Generally, the man stands in Daping (patio), and it takes only a short time for his daughter to walk from the left alley (slant hall) to the right alley after dressing up. At the same time, the woman's parents and other relatives are watching the man. In Jianning, the man went to the door for a blind date, and the woman peeked first. If there is no objection, she goes out to pour tea. The man took the opportunity to glance at it. If he agrees, he will take the tea.
No matter what form of blind date, if the man is satisfied, he will show it. Generally, the woman is given a small red envelope, commonly known as the "meeting gift", and even other family members have to take a ride. In Liu Qing and other places, the man's family will stay for dinner before leaving. In Puxian area, if the blind date eats the snacks, eggs and noodles made by the other party, it means that he likes them. In Jianyang, before the young men leave, the girl will personally make a bowl of sugar water for the young men to drink. The boys will be satisfied after drinking this bowl of sugar water. If you drink half a bowl, it means that you still need to consult with the matchmaker and leave room; If you just touch your lips symbolically, it's out of courtesy to show your disapproval of the marriage.
In Longhai, it is different for the blind date man to send a "meeting gift". The man came to the woman's house, and the woman asked her daughter to go out to hold tea and invited relatives to see the man. The man needs to show the prepared "red envelope" according to the degree of intimacy. Blind dates often cost thousands of dollars in red envelopes. After the blind date, if one of the men and women is not satisfied, they can postpone the proposal. Whether or not to talk about marriage, the red envelope of the man's blind date is still to be given.
After the man's blind date, the woman will also go to the man's house for a walk. But the woman can't go by herself, and the elders come forward. Mainly depends on the man's family situation, such as family members, environment, house, furnishings and so on. It depends on the man's appearance. The man's family will hold a banquet to entertain guests and give gifts. In Putian, the woman will only stay for dinner if she is interested in this marriage.
Nowadays, in the marriage etiquette of urban youth, old-fashioned blind date is rare. * * Lovers don't need blind dates. Although they usually bring their lovers home for their parents and family to consider, the final thoughts are basically their own. Arranged by the introducer, etc. There is a certain meaning of blind date when we meet for the first time. If you have a good impression at the first meeting, you will have a good start, otherwise it will be difficult to talk any more.
In rural areas, the custom of blind date is still popular, but the form and content have changed greatly. Not all blind dates go to each other's homes, but some are met in another place through matchmakers or referees; When going on blind dates, it's not just parents, relatives, matchmakers, etc. They all go with them, but some people only invite close friends or even go alone; In the process of blind date, the parties have been in contact with each other for a long time, and they will observe each other relatively carefully and learn more about each other's quality and cultivation through conversation. Of course, with the improvement of living standards, the cost of blind date has also increased. But in a few areas, when dating, you come and go, the old and the new are mixed, the etiquette is more complicated and the cost is higher. In Liancheng, in the past, the "meeting gift" given by the man to the woman was generally 2 silver dollars. Now, young men go to the woman's house to "meet the new couple", and if they agree, they have to give her a red envelope, about 65438 yuan +020 yuan. This is just "underestimating". In addition, there is a "big point of view", which mainly depends on parents. In order to "look big", the weight of red envelopes is naturally large and there are more names. In addition to giving the woman a big red envelope around 240 yuan, we should also consider her family, young and old, and close relatives. The red envelopes for the woman's parents are 42 yuan, uncles and aunts 12 yuan, brothers and sisters 12 yuan, and children/2.2 yuan. At this time, the woman will treat the man to snacks (eggs, wine, noodles). Since 1980s, even women's snacks have to be paid by men 120 yuan. After the man takes a fancy to the woman, the next steps are "seeing others" and "seeing the son-in-law", that is, the woman's parents go to the man's house to see. This person must wait at the door first. When the woman's home arrives, they will be greeted by firecrackers and have to take an umbrella from the woman's mother. The woman will then give the future son-in-law a red envelope, commonly known as the "umbrella gift". When "looking at others", the man must hold a banquet to entertain.