One Saturday, I took a rare nap and got up at 8:30 in the morning. My daughter woke up ten minutes later.

After washing up, I am going to make a hearty breakfast for my child, because I usually eat breakfast in the kindergarten, and on Saturdays and Sundays, I want to show my motherly love, hahaha. . . So I took out the rice wine I bought the day before and prepared to make rice wine glutinous rice balls, and then fry my daughter’s favorite flower rice. The flower rice ingredients include diced carrots, Cantonese sausage, diced lettuce and eggs. I was busy in the kitchen, and my daughter was playing by herself in the living room.

After breakfast, my daughter wiped her mouth with satisfaction and said, "It's so delicious!"

After cleaning up the kitchen, she washed and cut the vegetables for lunch. After putting it on the dish, I went to wash my hair. After washing, I wrapped it in a dry towel and prepared to wash my daughter’s hair. Who knew she would get angry and say I forced her to wash her hair? I smiled and said you haven’t washed it for a week. My hair is so dirty. My daughter is very stubborn and refuses to wash it. I know she wants to play with her Barbie doll because she was playing with it before breakfast. But I don’t have time to waste. Today is Saturday, so I have a full schedule. During the day, I have to make three meals a day, and accompany the little girl to do the math, pinyin and literacy homework I assigned. Little girl. I have to practice piano for 45 minutes, and I have to accompany her to outdoor activities for an hour. If I have time, I have to paint and do crafts with her, take her to the library, and tell her stories. . .

Since my daughter was born, I have become a warrior. Before she was three years old, I was busy feeding her every day and taking her out to play with peers of the same age. I bought a professional intelligence development and parenting book to cultivate the child's intelligence and hands-on ability according to age groups. When children are young, they spend most of their time eating, drinking, sleeping and eating. When she got a little older and entered kindergarten, I began to worry about what specialties she should learn. I started learning oil painting and dancing at the age of four, and started learning piano at the age of four and a half. I bought a brush and ink, and we wrote calligraphy and painted Chinese paintings at home. I bought a box of Lego toys, and my daughter occasionally takes them out to build them. When I was five years old, I started to teach math and literacy at home, and bought some exercise sets to do at home.

In short, raising a child requires as much energy and financial resources as starting a business.

A few years ago, I had a friend who started his own business. He opened a studio to undertake advertising business. He said that I was so attentive to my children that it was comparable to him starting a business. I don’t deny it, because children are a career of their parents. As for the father who often travels for business, I, a freelance mother, can only shoulder the heavy responsibility of raising children. Raising children now is not as important as "raising" as before, but now more important is "nurturing".

Thinking back to the Saturday when my daughter refused to wash her hair. She ended up washing her hair reluctantly, but her nagging finally inspired my bad temper. During the hair washing process, she lowered her head and said angrily that her neck was about to break. I comforted her and said it would be fine if she just gave it a little more time, but she still complained angrily to me. She kept chattering in her small mouth, and I suddenly got angry out of nowhere and lost my temper at her. Looking at her small body standing there motionless and without saying a word, I actually felt like I felt really bad, knowing that I shouldn't have suppressed my anger. So I sat down to calm down and apologize to her because I was so tired. I pretended to look at my phone, mentally condemning myself. I happened to see a post on Moments posted by the mother of her kindergarten classmate, telling her where to play. The father pointed to the front and explained to the child, while the mother took photos from behind. I suddenly shed tears.

It must be admitted that children from single-parent families are different from children in marriages where parents love each other. From personality to body language, they will reveal the general appearance of the original family behind a child. Although we are not a single-parent family, because the father is often away from home, the children still lack father's love to some extent. Children who grow up in a harmonious and democratic family atmosphere have lively personalities, are active and enthusiastic, have independent opinions and are good at communication. The child is a blank piece of paper. He will copy the strengths and weaknesses of his parents like a copy machine. If something about your child worries you, take a look at yourself first.

So I held my daughter’s little body in my arms and said to her: Baby, I’m sorry, mommy lost her temper at you because she was too tired. But you also have a bad temper. I know this is probably due to my influence. Let's change it together, okay? She nodded and said sorry she was wrong, I said it's not your fault, it's just because mom is too tired. .

After blow-drying my hair, I started to pack my bag, bring food and drink, a picnic mat, put my daughter into a beautiful dress, tied her head into a refreshing bun, and then did it for my daughter. I made a gesture and said: "Let's go!" My daughter asked me: Mom, shall we go out to play? I said yes, let's go to the park.

We had a lot of fun that day. We fed the goldfish, played on the swing, and played on the slide. The little girl picked out books and wooden blocks by herself, and ran around on the green grass, in a small bamboo forest. Sword play in front (she brought a toy sword). . . Although we hurried back at four o'clock in order to catch the dance class at five o'clock in the afternoon. But the little girl was very happy during the two hours in the park.

When I sat down quietly by myself, I began to think that after becoming a mother, my life would really be like a monster-fighting game, upgrading step by step. This upgrade is not external, not a simple formal change, but an arduous internal upgrade battle.

The first is physical fitness.

In the past, I worked 24 hours a day, working 8 hours, and the rest of the time was at my disposal. I could have fun, study, go shopping, meet friends, or stay at home and do housework. . After having children, the 8-hour workday seems to have become a time to relax and maintain strength until the children are out of school. Because the real test comes after the kids get out of school. Even if it’s just 5 hours between 5pm and 10pm, you have to answer her 100,000 whys, cook and clean up the housework, do homework with her, supervise her practice, and listen. She talked about various things that happened in the kindergarten, while dealing with all kinds of strange thoughts and stories in her mind. . After you clean up the kitchen after dinner, pick up the energy and accompany her downstairs to ride a bicycle, ride a scooter, or play games. . . Go home an hour later, give her a bath, and then tell her a bedtime story. Finally, turn off the bedroom lights and leave her to sleep. You quickly go to take a bath and tidy up the messy living room, probably when you enter the bedroom after taking a bath. Waiting for you is a child who is full of energy and doesn't want to sleep, playing all over the bed. . .

I remember that when my daughter was a baby, my physical strength was only enough to cope with her eating, drinking, playing, and daily housework. I was often so tired that I cried in the bathroom while taking a shower. Three years later, when she went to kindergarten, the child's grandmother was not in good health, so I started to cook for myself and worked hard to practice my cooking skills. I learned how to make cola chicken wings, braised pork, braised fish fillets, egg rolls, steamed meat and so on. . . Within half a year, my daughter's figure continued to improve as my cooking skills increased. When she was less than six years old, she was already 1.3 meters tall and weighed 58 pounds. . Parallel with this is the cultivation of special interests. There are five classes every week, regardless of wind or rain, and there are various performances or competitions interspersed during the period. The process of attending interest classes to cultivate children's talents is actually a process that tests parents. Persistence and never giving up is what your children learn from your attitude towards interest classes.

Learning piano is a particularly difficult task, because it is not like dancing or painting, which can be mixed among several children. It is individual teaching, and it is clear at a glance whether you have learned well and whether you have made progress. The most important thing in learning piano is one word: practice. You have to practice for at least half an hour every day. This is not easy for a four or five-year-old child who is very playful! Therefore, the person who plays the piano is very important. You need to properly stimulate the child's self-esteem, establish some reward and punishment mechanisms, establish horizontal connections among the piano students, and encourage each other to develop a good practice habit.

In short, after becoming a mother, you must quickly increase your physical fitness, because the challenges you face will gradually upgrade from simple eating, drinking, sleeping, to three meals a day, accompanying you with homework, and taking interest classes. , outdoor activities, morning and evening pickup, taking care of daily life, daily answers to 100,000 whys, etc. This is a very huge test, because you cannot cope with every aspect. Food must be nutritious, pick-up and drop-off must be on time, homework must be solved, companionship must be sincere and not perfunctory, and outdoor activities must be frequently changed. . .

If you can adjust the physical test through diet, sleep, exercise, etc., then the next test may not be so simple.

Secondly, it is the continuous upgrading of the pattern.

The night I washed my daughter’s hair, I thought about it carefully. What was the problem? Is it just that I am too tired?

Then I discovered that what is more important is the problem of structure and vision.

If your world is broad enough, you will know that a child at a certain age will be naughty. When she shouts because of certain problems, you should be happy instead of angry, because she will express herself, no You will feel wronged by yourself. You don’t have to worry about her introversion or depression when she enters the society in the future. She will never suppress herself. But with my narrow vision, I was blinded by the hard work and tiredness. I only saw my own tiredness, and the grievance that I felt that I was still unable to do everything well even though I tried my best to do everything well. Losing your temper with your children will not solve any problems. Instead, it will teach your children to be irrational and irrational when facing problems in the future.

The pattern is also reflected in the attitude of parents.

Do you want to be a generally decent parent, or do you want to be the best parent I can be?

I choose the latter. We are all human and have our limitations, but I want to strive to be the best that I can be. Don't complain about your limitations, work hard to extend them, just like what people say when they long for love: Be the best version of yourself first, and then meet the most suitable person. Let yourself become stronger first, whether physically or mentally, and then look at the uniqueness of your child with a broad perspective. Don't judge your child with your own feelings. What you give your child is guidance, protection, patience and unconditional support. This is the best thing. companionship.

I was chatting with my best friend that day about raising children. Although she does not have children, she treats her sister's children as her own. Now that the children have grown up, she has some experience in raising children. We all agree that as parents, we should take our children as far as we can. This is the responsibility of modern parents. This "far" not only refers to travel destinations, but also includes life direction, interests and aspirations, making friends and learning, etc.

Because of our own limitations, children tend to follow this limitation. What we need is not only to recognize the limitations, but also to break them. For example, you can’t ride a bicycle but your children can learn it. , you can’t play the piano but you must provide your children with opportunities to learn piano. You may not be fluent in English but you must create a bridge for your children to learn English. You may have never been abroad, but you must allow and support your children’s idea of ??going abroad for further study. . .

I don’t want to be a particularly mediocre parent. No matter how hard I try, my children still can’t jump out of our class, but at least I try my best, and my children will definitely learn persistence from my efforts. and courage. An article tells anxious parents that if you carefully measure it, your child will not be able to jump out of a certain class no matter how outstanding or not outstanding, then you don’t have to be too anxious. I don't agree with this statement. I am willing to be a mother who does her best, because only parents with foresight can raise children with broad vision. Having a broad vision may not mean that he has achieved much. Even if he does not have much money or status, his life will be different and exciting because of his broad vision. Because for individuals, the attitude towards life often determines whether you live a happy life or not.

For adults, the only possibility to extend your limitations is to do what you like more deeply. I am willing to squeeze out my time every day to spend on reading and writing, because I love it, and this passion seems to have become stronger over time. For myself and for the sake of my children, I will continue to write and broaden my horizons as I go deeper.

The parenting journey is the best opportunity for parents to learn their IQ and EQ. Although this process is very tiring and hard, I am very willing to learn because it makes me a powerful, patient and tolerant person. Powerful person. And these reflections are given to us by children.

Third, love yourself and learn to give your emotions a break.

This is really important. After I became a mother, because my daily routine was too complicated, I would often be overwhelmed with negative energy. I would be so irritable that I would be annoyed by everything I saw. I would yell at my baby if I didn't go as well as I did at the smallest thing. I regretted it later.

I believe that many mothers have had similar experiences. Sometimes, because the father of the child does not do a good job, resulting in a lack of love in the heart, it is easier to become irritable and irritable, so in the process of raising the child, he wants to Vent all this negative energy to whom? Of course it is that fragile little being who desperately needs you to love him. As a result, your children will grow up to be as irritable and easily angry as you. Isn't this a vicious cycle? !

Therefore, mothers should give themselves timely vacations.

For example, wait for the child to fall asleep, and if you are tired, take a nap quickly; if you still have energy, sit down and make a cup of rose tea, listen to some soothing music, light some aromatherapy, and read your favorite book. Or, when a family of three goes on a trip, a short trip can relax the stressful life of raising a baby and build up the fighting spirit to continue fighting.

Learn to give your emotions a break and transfer negative energy. Be sure not to vent negative energy to weak children. Only when you smile can you bring out smiling children. What you give to your child, he will give back to you.

Throwing away the negative energy and using the good side to face the thorny problems of children is the best and fastest way to cultivate mothers to love themselves. There has to be a period of time every day when you are not a mother, not a wife, you are just yourself. Only you know what you love. How wonderful it is to pamper yourself, make yourself happy, and then raise a child with a positive attitude who also knows how to love yourself!

The two most important words in a child’s important growth stage are: gentle, gentle, gentle. Say important things three times. Learn to manage your emotions, and your children will learn this rare quality from you.

If you want your child to love you unconditionally, you, who is much older than him, must first learn to love him unconditionally.

Fourth, learn to upgrade.

When the baby was still in my belly, I bought a pregnancy guide. I learned a lot of very useful knowledge during pregnancy from the book, which also helped me not be too confused during the ten months of pregnancy. . After the child was born, I bought parenting books on how to add complementary foods, intellectual development of various ages, etc. It can be said that I raised my child while reading books.

When my children got older and started to become rebellious and disobedient, I bought parenting books such as "How to Talk So Your Children Will Listen" to grow with them. Following some of the methods in the book to deal with children is indeed effective.

As your children grow up, you will find that what you have learned before is not useful in raising children? Why doesn't he listen to anything I say? At this time, you should turn to professional books for help. The child psychology and parent education methods that education experts have carefully studied for several years will definitely be helpful to you in educating your children.

You see, being a parent also requires learning. If you want to be a good parent, it is necessary to grow up with your children and accumulate knowledge together. To put it bluntly, he is constantly upgrading and growing up, and you have to learn how to deal with him in line with his growth. There are many parents who want to grow up with their children but don’t know how to grow up. They want to educate their children well but don’t know what method to use. I sincerely suggest that parents put down their mobile phones and buy some professional children’s education books. Recharge yourself so that you will not be too blind, confused and helpless on the road to educating your children.

For example, state your principles gently but firmly, and clearly explain the truth that he can understand. Don't force, don't yell, don't threaten. When she makes a fuss, don't be an audience, but stay by her side quietly. Let him know that making trouble can't change your principles, but your mother will still treat you gently.

For example, when you want him to do something, don’t turn around or speak emotionally, give the instructions directly, and the child will execute it faster. The way you speak does affect how quickly your child does things.

There are answers to these worries and confusions in parenting books. Read more books, which will help you avoid detours and allow parents to accompany their children to grow confidently and calmly. Children can also benefit from it. Under the cultivation of good education methods, they can grow up side by side with their parents.

The last thing I want to say is that these upgrades after becoming a mother can also be applied to fathers. It's just that under the current situation in our country, most of the people who take care of children are mothers. I am also a mother myself, so I write it in a mother's voice. I hope it can give some help to mothers. I also hope that responsible fathers can come forward and voluntarily Take on some role upgrades, so that mothers and children will not lack love, and the family will love each other and accompany the children to grow up!