The first level of love: to meet their own needs

In the love of many people understand, some people will understand their own needs as the love of others, when we judge whether a person is in love with another person, but also often to take the following situation as a basis.

For example:

I miss you, I can't see you when my slow brain is you;

I am very happy to see you, and it is painful not to see you;

I can't get away from you, and I realize that I am in love with you!

A person finds himself in his head all day long is the other side, eating time is he (she), sleeping time is he (she), do what is not interested in doing, a heart only think of him (she), and even dreaming of his (her) shadow, we often say that this is the performance of a person who loves the other person.

In fact, this is where the love, this is just a psychological need for each other, there is each other on the happy, without each other on the pain, which shows that you need each other in order to be happy and happy, can only show that the other side is to meet your needs, can not prove that you are in love with each other, because love is not only the need to be so simple.

This means that I am your painkiller, I am your happy!

You're in pain without me, you're happy with me!

You don't love me, you need me!

But this is a lot of people to prove that they are in love with each other based on ah, if I must say that this is not love, a lot of people will not be able to find their own in the end who love.

Well, if you have to say that this is love, then it is only the lowest form of love! Or rather, the lower level.

Because it's essentially love of self, it's the need you have for the other person, it's the desire to be with the other person to fulfill your own needs, to be a little happier and more joyful.

The second level of love: "self-righteous" pay

There is also a kind of love, looks like love each other, but in essence is "self-righteous" in the pay, this kind of love is like this:

They think

I think it's a good idea to bring the other side to the theater, but I don't think the other side will ever appreciate it because they like to watch movies more.

I think it's important to have a lot of money, so I'm trying to make a lot of money, but I don't think my family appreciates it because they want to be with me more than anything else.

Such a person is better than the previous one, the previous one is only love themselves, such a person inside the will to love each other, thinking of doing something for each other, rather than just letting each other to meet their own, but because of their own think good things, not from the point of view of the other side of the need to set out, so, never by the other side of the appreciation of the other side, the other side can not be received at all, such a person in the end will usually be The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new pair of shoes or boots, and then you'll be able to get your hands on a new pair of shoes or boots.

However, if you don't take into account the needs of the other party, you will have to pay for it, and the other party will think that it is a "donkey's liver and lungs". Even the other side will feel that such a person is selfish, because the western food is their favorite food, drama is their favorite to see, make more money is also good in their own opinion, in the end is for each other to pay it? Or to satisfy themselves? Doing things this way, of course, deserves the other side of the doubt.

In fact, such things, we have a lot of people in our lives are often doing, once I found myself doing some of these things.

For a long time, in the summer, if I buy fruit home, is to like to buy watermelon, because I feel that watermelon is delicious, thin skin and meat, summer heat and thirst, and the price is cheap, is really the best fruit.

A summer evening, I came back from the outside, the road received a phone call from my wife to buy some fruit home, I bought a large watermelon at the gate of the district to go home, I did not expect, a door into the house, my wife saw the watermelon, immediately upset: "watermelon, watermelon, a buy fruit is watermelon, you selfish guy, you like to eat watermelon, do you know I like to eat strawberries? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some watermelon, and you'll be able to get your hands on some strawberries.

At this point, my son interjected, "Dad, I like cherries!"

At that moment, I realized what I was doing!

I like to eat watermelon, I think I think they also like to eat watermelon, so, often buy them watermelon, I think I am giving love, but they feel is my selfishness, this time, my wife and my son gave me a lesson, I realized that we often love each other like this.

People like this will also often say something like, "I'm not doing this for you?"

Look at this phrase, is it familiar to you, yes, this is what your mom and dad always say. A lot of parents, sometimes this is the way in love with their children, only their own think right, regardless of the child like it or not, in the school, in the work, everything is required to children in accordance with their own think right to do, ignoring the child's feelings and wishes, essentially, this is in the name of love in the control of the child.

Such people, their attention is still on their own, like I buy watermelon, I am concerned about the watermelon I bought this behavior, I think I paid, I love, but ignored the family whether they like it, in fact, this is not love each other, this is the love of the "pay" this behavior itself, only focus on their own, there is no pay, but no attention to each other whether they like it. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.

This is also not love, if we must say this is love, this is at most the intermediate form of love, more advanced than the previous mentioned to meet their own needs, but this is not enough, and can not get happiness.

The third level of love: meeting the needs of the other person

Satisfying oneself is not love, and "self-righteous" giving is not real love, so what kind of love can be considered real love? How do people who have the ability to love love?

They love this way, in the movie "Love at the Hawthorn Tree" directed by Zhang Yimou:

Jingqiu did not have a sweatshirt in gym class, Lao San quietly bought a sweatshirt;

Jingqiu did not have rubber shoes, Lao San quietly bought rubber shoes;

Jingqiu's mother needed to use rock sugar and walnuts to cure her illness, and Lao San entrusted people to bring rock sugar and walnuts

After watching the movie, I was very surprised to see that the movie was so popular that I was not able to get the best out of it.

After watching this movie, I came out from the theater for a long time, my heart is still y moved, I know many people after watching this movie, also like me was y touched, that is what moved us? It is not the old three to Jingqiu that kind of just right to pay?

This is the real love, for each other to do things, are to each other's needs as a starting point, rather than their own "self-righteousness".

This love is to meet the needs of the other side, is to observe what the other side needs? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do it. Then go to meet him (her), sometimes do not need to be very expensive, but can be y impressed with each other, so that the other side feel deep love.

Once, a school student asked me:

I have been saving for a long time to buy a necklace for my girlfriend, but she does not seem to be very touched, what should I do to her?

I knew that her girlfriend was going to graduate school, so I asked him, "What does your girlfriend need most right now?"

He said, "She's studying for the exam and needs time and study materials!"

I said, "Then you should know what you should do?"

He smiled and said, "I see!"

That's it, real love, is to meet each other's needs as a prerequisite, the student, her girlfriend needs the most is time and graduate school materials, he sent the necklace just he thought the other side will like it, it is not necessarily the other side of the most in need of, he should think of what he can do to help each other to save time, or to take the initiative to go to provide her with some of the materials of the examination.

After I realized this, if I had the chance to buy fruit for my family, I would buy some strawberries or cherries and other fruits that my family likes to eat, and my family felt more happy because of this.

This kind of love, its essence is to love each other, is the real love, is the advanced form of love, high love ability of people are in this way to love each other, only then, the other person can y feel the existence of love, can because of this kind of love existence and more happy.

Do you want to become a person with high capacity for love? Then don't just give it away, and mindfully observe what your lover needs? Then go and fulfill it!

True love is to meet each other's needs

True love is to meet each other's needs as a prerequisite, unlike the lowest level of love is to meet their own needs as a prerequisite, and unlike the middle level of love is self-righteous, ostensibly love each other, essentially in love with the act of giving.

When two people are premised on meeting their own needs, both sides do not feel love from each other, both feel that the other is selfish, so how can such a love be happy?

When two people are "self-righteous" love each other, the two sides feel is the other side of the "self-righteous", the heart is not to feel the other side of the love, so the love will not be happy.

When two people are to meet each other's needs as a prerequisite, on the basis of this to love each other, a strong love, such love can be reflected in the life of the little by little.

For example:

Knowing what each other like to eat, often buy what!

Knowing what kind of gift the other party likes, you often buy it for him (her)!

Know what the other party likes to call, often call him (her)!

Know what kind of caresses the other party likes, and often do so!

And so on, there are so many things that can be done, as long as the principle of satisfying the needs of the other person is grasped.

In the TV series "Golden Wedding", there is this mutual satisfaction of each other's needs of love, Geng Zhi (played by Hu Jun) does not arrange work for their own people from their hometowns, but for the Shu Man (played by Zhou Yun)'s family, her sister and brother-in-law, busy to solve the problem of implementation of work. But Shu Man quietly helped Geng Zhi's family to arrange a job in the hospital, each for the other's sake and consideration.

Such a couple, each other for each other to pay, but also to each other's needs as a prerequisite to pay, pay it is easy to be received by the other side, and over time, the two sides of the heart will store a lot of gratitude to each other, which in the love of the couple, and then added more grace, so that the relationship will be more and more solid, and more and more happy.