At first, my son-in-law was ok in my young years, taking care of my daughter's children. Every time I come back, I say hello to myself. Later, her daughter's children passed the college entrance examination, and she became a useless person. The son-in-law is becoming more and more impatient with himself, secretly hating himself, and there are more and more contradictions in the process of getting along.
My daughter had no choice but to rent a house for her outside and hire a nanny, but it was hard to serve her when she was old. She always felt that there were few things at home and the nanny was lazy and greedy. Once she woke up from her sleep and found the nanny drinking milk. Plus the daughter buys meat, the nanny will eat a few pieces of stew before she does it. Later, several nannies were invited, and they all broke up in discord.
Later, my daughter took her aunt home and lived for more than a year. Usually, the elderly don't get enough sleep and get up early. Once he couldn't find anything, he called his daughter through the door to find it himself, but his son-in-law came back late that day and woke him up. He asked her to leave his home.
My aunt used to have her own house, but on the sixth floor, my daughter found it inconvenient to live in the future, so she sold it, and my aunt didn't have a home.
In order not to embarrass her daughter, she lived in a nursing home. When I first moved in, my aunt was uncomfortable and dissatisfied with the food in the nursing home, but my daughter often brought all kinds of food for herself. She lived in the nursing home for five years.
Later, my daughter went to the nursing home to see her less and less, because her wife was sick and paralyzed by a stroke and needed her to serve. ...
When you are old, you should have your own pursuit and life, instead of kidnapping your life on your children. After retirement, make a plan for your life, live your life well, if you can move, live by yourself, but you must have your own home.
Whether old people, children or adults, life needs to be pursued.
I know an old man who is 95 years old. Her son in his seventies often holds her hand and goes out to bask in the sun. The old man is deaf and dumb, especially amiable. The son said that the old man still practices calligraphy every day. For children, he always feels that they are not easy and never picky. Because of life, children are willing to surround themselves with the elderly!
What should people do to live a good life when they are old?
Tell me about the families in our village!
There is a family in the village. The couple gave birth to seven girls, four sons and three daughters. They especially like their sons since childhood, which is a typical preference for sons over daughters. All three daughters are married, and the conditions are good. What about the four sons? Two are married, two are single, and several sons can't earn money, so life is very uncomfortable.
My daughter's family conditions are good! Just say to take the old couple to live, but what about this old couple? It was disgusting and uncomfortable when I went to my daughter's house. After staying for a long time, my daughter doesn't like them staying at her house. The two old people went back to live with their son. The son worked as a servant in his son's house and complained in his daughter's house, but he also felt that his son was good and his daughter lost.
What is the purpose of telling this story? I want to tell you that some people are really annoyed when they are old, and some people's thoughts have been stuck in the sixties and seventies. It's not that their children are bad to them, but that their own thoughts can't be changed.
As the subject asked, what should I do if I find that my child is slowly hating myself?
First, live separately
If the children get married, I suggest living separately, and it makes sense to say that the fragrance is far away and the taste is near. When a family is together every day, there will definitely be contradictions. The last resort is to live separately.
Old people live separately from their children, and children visit them occasionally, so that their feelings will be much better, they will be particularly affectionate, and they will not quarrel often because of different habits.
Second, turn a blind eye and talk less.
If you can't live separately, you have to live together. I suggest that the elderly must turn a blind eye. Why do you say that?
Think about it. Nowadays, the concept of young people is really different from that of old people. They are used to getting up late, don't know how to save and lose things they don't like. If you meet a slightly strong parent, you have to nag for a long time. What will happen? After a long time, you will definitely quarrel and dislike each other.
So the last way is to turn a blind eye, respect the habits of young people, do what you want, just do it yourself, talk less and mind your own business.
Third, when you can earn money, you must save more.
The social pressure now is not that children are unfilial, but that this generation of young people is really under great pressure. How many young people in this generation support the elderly, and those who do not rely on the elderly are not bad. So give some advice to middle-aged and elderly people who can still earn money, and be sure to save more money. You might as well rely on yourself when you are old.
Finally, I want to give some advice to young people. They must be kind to their parents. It's not easy for them all their lives, and they suffer much more than us. Please be more patient, caring and careful with them. Their ideas may be old-fashioned and stubborn, formed over decades, and some ideas cannot be changed at all. Understand and respect them more, and all virtues and filial piety come first. How we treat the elderly today and how our children will treat them in the future will be passed down from generation to generation.
When people are old, if they find that their children dislike themselves, then you should make it clear to them that crows feed back and lambs kneel to milk!
Even animals can do this, and they are born as human beings. Is it inferior to animals?
First of all, everyone will get old one day. I remember grandma used to tell us stories when I was a child. When the girl was a child, she saw her mother holding grandma's rice in a broken bowl. Once, her mother accidentally broke the bowl, and her daughter exclaimed, Mom, stick it up quickly, and I'll keep it for you later!
Her mother quickly threw away the broken bowl and let the grandmother eat at the same table with them!
If you have a pension, you should be independent and have a lot of money. Whoever is filial will bring up your children and watch them get married, then you will have retired. Don't feel uneasy, just take care of the children and interfere in their lives. Otherwise, it is inevitable that others will dislike you. Listen, this jam is unnecessary!
In case the child is not filial, there are pensions and old-age insurance, and there is no need to look at the child's face.
Don't give it to anyone, keep it for yourself, and make a will for whoever is filial in the future!
If no one, buy a property and go to a nursing home! Don't feel bad! You love your children, and to put it bluntly, you are a baiwenhang!
Take an active part in the association of the elderly and keep your hobbies until you have a circle. You won't keep your children in this small circle any more. Their emotions will affect your emotions. Go out to travel together. Get together. Square dancing is also a good choice.
Attention transfer is one thing, on the other hand, your mind will be much better. Happiness is the most important thing!
Many parents think that children should be grateful for their upbringing and repay themselves with love. If their children show a little dissatisfaction or disgust, they will get angry and even think that their children are ungrateful guys. Don't you know that the more parents like this, the more alienated the children will be? I hope parents can understand this.
When people get old, their children gradually hate themselves. What should they do?
I am a mother. As my daughter grows up, I will also think about this problem and pay attention to the way I get along with my daughter:
1, maintain a sense of boundaries, respect children, and not interfere or disturb each other's lives.
The more parents take care of themselves, take care of their children, and worry about their children, the more easily they are hated by their children. While relying on the care of their parents, these children are eager for their parents not to bring any interference to their lives. I hope parents can understand this.
2, don't talk about the pain of parenting, and take raising children as the basic responsibility.
One of the reasons why children alienate their parents is that many parents like to complain, take credit and even slander their spouses in front of their children, which makes them hate themselves more and more.
3. Be a person who is good at introspection and willing to grow.
The age gap and thinking difference are the realities we must face. Blindly doing things from your own point of view, unwilling to admit your own shortcomings, will certainly lead to many contradictions.
Besides, it is normal for family members to have differences and contradictions. If parents can understand empathy and reflect on themselves instead of blaming their children blindly, they can avoid the alienation of parent-child relationship.
Some parents don't make progress themselves, but they dictate their children's lives and even interfere more. It's strange that children don't hate it.
In fact, the relationship between parents and children also needs to be cared for and managed with care. If children are willing to stay with us, maybe we won't be hated by children; If children are looking forward to escape, we should really reflect on what we have done wrong. Generally, people who have this idea are either really annoyed or too sensitive to realize and ask this question, which is probably the latter.
When I first heard about her mother-in-law, I really couldn't believe there was such a family, and her mother was kind and filial. The family simply regarded the old lady as a treasure. I really can't imagine how nice and cute this old man will be. I have always felt that when I am old, I will be satisfied if I can be half the old man.
The reason why I tell this story is to tell the subject that it is really no good to be too persistent and sensitive in everything. Sometimes it's not that you are bad, but that there is an insurmountable generation gap between the old and the young. It's not that children contradict you on some things, or show dislike to you, you are really bad, but that you have different ideas. Think about it, you may not be used to some of their ideas, but there are many reasons.
If you want to improve this mood, I'll give you some advice: 1. Live separately from children, socialize with peers and form your own circle of friends.
2. Look on the bright side in everything. Don't feel wrong whenever there is a contradiction. Children also became human for the first time. Some problems are different positions, and there is no right or wrong.
3. Cultivate your hobbies. If you have something you like to do, you won't get entangled in some unnecessary small emotions.
4. Go out and have a look if you can. The world is very big. Look more and you will broaden your horizons. You will find that the problems you used to worry about are not worth mentioning at all.
5, carefully examine your own problems, what makes you feel hated, you can also communicate with children, find problems, improve problems, and get along well with children is also conducive to family harmony.
In short, it is to look at the relationship between yourself and your children with a strong attitude, and never fall into your own emotions and feel sorry for yourself, which is not good for anyone.
I hope I can help you and wish you happiness!
Many parents will find that they have a good relationship with their children when they were young, and their children are also very attached to themselves. But when children grow up, their relationship with themselves becomes more and more alienated, and some even hate themselves.
This situation is very common, especially after getting old, many children will "dislike" their parents. Of course, there is a reason for this.
Why children "hate" their parents 1. Parents care too much.
No matter how old the child is, many parents think that the child is still a child and often worry about the child, so they will take care of the child more. But everyone is an independent individual. Children grow up and have their own ideas and considerations. They are no longer dependent on their parents as they were when they were children. They need more space to be alone. Parents who care too much will annoy their children.
2, love nagging
Nagging is a common problem of parents, especially mothers. Many mothers love to nag in front of their children and tell them to wear more clothes and eat more. Although it is for the good of children, children are adults and can take care of themselves. It doesn't matter if you nag once or twice, it will make people feel warm, but if you nag again and again, you will definitely get upset. Children may deliberately avoid parents' nagging.
3. Different ideas
Parents and children live in different times and have very different ideas. Parents may be disgusted with some things that their children like. The two sides disagree and their thoughts are not on the same channel, so it is easy to have a tongue-and-mouth conflict. Children will feel that their parents don't understand themselves, don't want to talk to them, and will deliberately stay away and avoid disputes.
If parents find that their children "hate" themselves, they must change the original mode of getting along, don't treat their children as children, and give them independent space. Take care of yourself, eat well, play well, and take care of your children's affairs, so that not only your old age is happy, but also your children like it.
I am a senior nurse who helps mothers. I personally believe in "parenting classics" to help you solve the problems on the way with your baby ~
Old people, just like children, we all say that we are old children. Sometimes they are very sensitive and need our care.
On the other hand, what kind of old people are unpopular with their children? The relationship between children and the elderly is two people, not one party can decide. Generally speaking, elderly people whose children don't like have the following characteristics (dislike means dislike, and dislike does not mean unfilial. )
Love long-winded
Generally, old people have the habit of being verbose, always talking about things they care about, sometimes emphasizing things repeatedly, and sometimes having nothing to say is also a habit. As a young person, work, family and children, sometimes it sounds impatient. In fact, this needs us young people to change. After all, old people are hard to change. As elders, we still have to perform our job of caring for the elderly anyway.
Love to be in charge and interfere in children's education.
Some old people are used to bullying when they are young, and they know that they want to change, but they can't. It is a headache to interfere in children's family affairs and even say a few words when children are educating their children.
Subjective judgment and family affairs
An old man around me likes to speak ill of his daughter. She always feels that whoever has good family conditions will pay more. With this idea, she asked individual children, who is unfilial and who is brave, how can they always tell.
Preference for a child
Many people have had this experience, favoring one child. Many old people are like this.
Speak frankly, don't speak directly, love to play with code words.
A friend said that every time she came home from work, her mother would nag about the water and electricity bill for a month, and it was too expensive. She felt that her mother was asking for money in disguise and felt uncomfortable.
In fact, many children still know their parents very well. What to do needs us to know more about them.
It shows that the elderly care too much about their children's attitudes, rely too much on their children or need their care in life. If this problem occurs, old man, have you checked yourself first? Is it yourself or a child? If it is caused by your bad habits, you should try to correct them.
If children have problems, find time to communicate with them, express their inner thoughts, and find the root cause without hiding anything, so as to solve the problem. I believe that most children will respect the elderly.
Everyone has shortcomings, especially when people are old and their energy drops. These shortcomings will become more and more serious and even paranoid.
As children, we also have old people at home. Let me talk about some representative old people around me.
1, parent complex type
Grandma Yang was sensible and capable when she was young, and was basically the head of the family.
After marrying his daughter-in-law, her son's daughter-in-law still respects her very much, and she has the final say on big and small issues, and basically she has the final say.
Grandma Yang is 93 years old this year. Apart from deafness, she is in good health and has no other problems. It is a blessing for children that the old man can take care of himself when he is so old.
A while ago, I heard her daughter-in-law say on WeChat that the old lady had driven away the fourth nanny at home!
Grandma Yang's family has four generations under one roof. Her daughter-in-law is the director of the unit and her son is also the leader of the unit. Her daughter-in-law is very busy at work and often travels. Grandson and daughter-in-law are also civil servants. After giving birth to the baby, the part-time job at home became a nanny, helping to cook two meals.
Grandma Yang, who has always been used to frugality, thinks it is a waste to hire a nanny, and she is not used to strangers coming in and out at home. Anyway, she doesn't like to see a nanny.
The nanny cooks and she stares at it. One minute she said there was too much oil, and the next she thought there was too little water. The dishes cooked by the nanny are not delicious, and she always suspects that the nanny has stolen things from her family.
Nannies can't stand her all-round monitoring and quit one after another.
After driving away the last nanny, Grandma Yang praised her son for his delicious cooking.
The whole family gave in to her insistence. From then on, my son got up early to buy food, and my daughter-in-law went home at night to sweep the floor.
You said that such an old man doesn't understand the sufferings of his children and thinks that he is the master and his children can like her! ?
As the saying goes, old people who live with their children must learn to abdicate. You are too old to keep up with your energy and physical ability. Enjoy your retirement and mind your own business?
2. Worried about children's excessive type.
Grandma Chen was the director of women in the village when she was young. She is capable of working, articulate and warm-hearted. If anyone has a family conflict that can never be understood, please ask her to mediate and it will be solved satisfactorily.
When Grandma Chen was young, her husband worked outside the home, and she had the final say in all the big and small matters at home. There is also a lot of workplace experience. If a child encounters any difficulties at work or conflicts at home, she should be consulted.
Now grandma Chen is 83 years old, suffering from various diseases and sequelae of cerebral infarction.
But she still likes to be in charge when she goes to the children's house. "Xiaomei, you don't cook like this. Why put so much water! " "Xiao Ming, it is not good and convenient for you to put the shoe cabinet outside the door!"
It is an advantage to be eloquent when you are young, but now you are a chatterbox when you are old, and you can't be idle for a minute.
I talk about everything and often listen to her talk about old things. I have heard the story that her aunt's dowry was taken away by the Japanese devils n times.
If you can't hear her if you are not careful, you must be dozing off on the sofa.
You said grandma Chen was worried about her children's families when she was old. It is good to care, but it is not good to care too much. Your children are old, and you are still a patient. Aren't you worried? Aren't you asking for trouble?
3. Selfish and unhygienic
Grandma Wu was very well dressed when she was young, but her home was a mess and she couldn't clean it up. She likes to visit her parents at home when she is free.
The old lady is 92 years old, and there is nothing wrong with her body, so her upper body is fat, her abdomen is as big as a pregnant woman who was pregnant in October, her legs are as thin as dry wood, and her center of gravity is seriously unbalanced. In recent years, I have become lazier and slower.
A few years ago, she suffered from urinary incontinence. She lived alone at that time, which was quite good. She knew she wanted to wash it, for fear of being rejected by others.
But since she took turns living in the children's house, she became dependent and stopped taking care of herself. Let her wear diapers. She feels uncomfortable. If she reluctantly took it away, she didn't care, and it didn't matter if she pulled it on her body.
Not lame, not paralyzed, too lazy to start work. Sometimes you don't change your pants when they are wet for a few days. If your child doesn't ask her to change it, she will build it herself.
There are also abnormal times when you can change several pairs of pants in one night.
Her children are so troubled by her that everyone doesn't like her. But she has a good attitude. As long as the child can stand it, it doesn't matter how smelly she is.
A neighbor often listens to his daughter-in-law sigh. Daughter-in-law goes out early and comes back late, and son is ill at home. Often help her wash diapers, sheets, clothes, and wash a lot.
Even if she washes her face and feet, she is waiting for her son to serve these little things that can take care of herself.
But the sky is falling, and she never cares about the problems of her children's families. The eldest daughter-in-law has been suffering from cancer for several months and has not asked for a visit. After her daughter-in-law died, she didn't feel any sadness.
Her youngest son has cancer, and she doesn't care whether she knows it or not.
Do you think she is boring? Not at all. She knows exactly which pocket she has a small coin in. My youngest son found the money was too old when he was washing clothes, so he helped her to change it in the bank. Once, he forgot to give it to her. She turned to remind me: take money to buy shoes and clothes for me!
Many times, she pretends to be dementia in front of the children, in fact, just in exchange for more care. All the children understand her thoughtfulness. It's just that she is too old to dispute with her.
However, no child can be so selfish and heartless as she is, only caring about the comfortable old people.
4, willful and strong
Grandma Zhao is 89 years old. She walks like a tiger and still speaks clearly.
On the second day of this year, I went to my niece's nephew's house to complain and cried that the children at home were bullying her wholeheartedly.
The bride's nephew asked her daughter to mediate, only to know that things were not what she said.
It turned out that Zhao's father suffered from severe lumbar disc herniation and could not get out of bed. She doesn't want to sleep in the same room with the old man to take care of him. In addition to worrying that the child would leave Zhao's father to her care, she also hated him for holding all the money in his hand. When he was old, he was a good man and gave it to his son, who liked him.
My youngest daughter in Shanghai took Zhao's father home for half a year last year, and her daughter-in-law also helped take care of it at home after she came back.
The daughter said it was too much, and she didn't even give him a big meal. She has a problem with Zhao's father. Seeing that the child is kind to Zhao's father, she is jealous and psychologically unbalanced. When she said she was ill, her children didn't care so much about her.
Grandma Zhao was a very sensible person when she was young, but now she is old and willful like a child.
During the mediation, the two daughters not only could not talk to their old mother, but were also scolded by her. The youngest daughter was scolded and ran away crying, and the mediation ended without results.
You said that such an old man is willful, does not listen to people's advice, and still relies on the old to sell the old. How can a child like her?
Therefore, when you feel that your child is getting tired of you, you must first look at yourself and see if there is any problem.
When people are old, they should be considerate of their children's difficulties and children. Don't be willful and selfish, pretend to be a parent;
We should care about children and not interfere too much; When you can take care of yourself, you must do what you can, pay attention to hygiene, bathe frequently and wash clothes frequently; Don't seniority, willful nonsense.
Of course, some children hate old people, which is really unfilial. Children's filial piety must have a lot to do with family background and family education. Of course, that's another topic. I won't go into details here.
We can easily find an interesting phenomenon. Parents' impressions of their children change with time.
When a child is very young, he will feel that his parents are heaven and the world that supports them. His father is a superman who knows everything.
When children grow up and reach puberty, they will feel that their parents' control is a constraint on them. They will be rebellious and irritable.
Children get married, get married, go to work, and experience social experience. They will feel that their parents are still dependent on them, because the value of their parents is still important to them.
Children grow up, children grow up, and parents are old. At this time, due to different values and life concepts, they will be tired of their parents. They will no longer think that their parents are superhuman, and their parents' life experiences have little influence on their enlightenment or consciousness. They want to live according to their own ideas.
Because of the differences in living environment between the two generations, there will be contradictions. For example, the conflict of money concept, life attitude and so on.
So it caused the problem as mentioned in the title. Children hate themselves more and more as they get older. What should the old man do at this time?
Second, the changes in the mentality of the elderly. The child has grown up and is no longer the one who is afraid of falling down. You should enjoy your life at this time. Taking care of your health is the greatest care for your child, and I believe that your child will live well.
Third, don't use him as an excuse to interfere in children's lives. You can keep your distance from each other when appropriate. It is said that distance produces beauty, which is equally applicable to the elderly and children here.
I hope my change can get the impression of my children. I also believe that my children will see the changes of the elderly and then eliminate this aversion.
This is a very sad thing.
When people get old, they often become a little weak, feel that they can't do anything, and unconsciously want to rely on their children. If you find that your child becomes impatient with his attitude and begins to hate himself, then you must be very sad in your heart and it is difficult to accept this reality.
At this time, parents must feel that their hearts have been hollowed out, and even doubt that they have lived in vain in this life. When I was young, I kept working and running around to earn money to support my children. But when I was old and needed children to take care of me, they showed reluctance and thought they were dragging them down. Parents must be extremely sad when the life pillar that supports them to live collapses.
When they figure it out, parents will find that they have to live anyway and rely on their children to take care of them in the future, so they have to find ways to face and solve this situation.
First of all, calm down and observe to see if children really hate themselves. Sometimes because of the pressure of work and life, children are inevitably impatient and outspoken, but they are not necessarily directed at their parents. The reason for this situation is that there is too little communication between parents and children on weekdays, and children are used to reporting good news instead of worrying. When they have pressure and negative emotions, they carry them on their own, but their parents can't help them, sometimes adding to the confusion, and the two sides are prone to conflict. In this case, parents should understand their children's feelings, but they still need to find time to talk face to face with their children and talk about their inner feelings. I believe that through open communication, children will realize that some of their words and deeds have caused misunderstanding and harm to their parents and will improve them.
Another situation is that parents themselves are people who like to blame and criticize their children. Therefore, when children grow up, they internalize this way of interacting with people, and they will habitually find fault with their parents and blame them for not doing well, not doing well, and so on. In this case, parents should first reflect on themselves and realize that part of the reason why children do this is that they do it themselves. Besides, children often don't notice this and just treat their parents in the way they learn from them. If they can save face, parents can have a deep talk with their children on this issue, or they can apologize to their children in person, so that children will pay more attention to it when they realize it. The two sides can also agree that if children start to interact with their parents in this way, parents can remind them in time and will gradually improve.
Of course, the worst case is that children really don't like their parents. I remember reading an article about a family whose father died young, and how the mother brought up several children. In order to build a house and save money, the mother had to move stones down from the mountain again and again, so that her back was bruised. Despite this, several children are married, only know how to live their own lives, but ignore their mothers. When my mother was ill, she didn't even serve a child, and finally her mother died alone.
Seeing this mother's miserable life, we are not qualified to comment, but after all, she brought up the children, and their selfishness and disrespect for their elders are also the result of their mother's upbringing. It's no use regretting at this time. Anyway, parents have the right to be taken care of by their children, and children have the responsibility to support their parents. If necessary, parents can use external forces, such as mediation and consultation through neighborhood committees, to let their children take care of their parents. If it still doesn't work, parents can write it into law and fight for their rights.