When I was a kid, the TV series "Sleuth Hunt" and "Rascal Hunt" were on, and a grandmother in the yard said, "Tonight's show is 'Rascal Hunt'. " 。。。。。。

Buying bread

A little white rabbit went to the bakery in high spirits and said, Uncle, do you have 100 buns? The white rabbit went to the bakery again and said, "Uncle, do you have 100 buns? The uncle replied, "Sorry, we don't have that many." On the third day, the white rabbit came to the bakery again and said, "Uncle, do you have 100 buns? The white rabbit came to the bakery again on the third day and said, "Uncle, do you have 100 buns? We worked overtime all night and made 100 buns! The white rabbit took out his money and said, "Great, I'll take two of them!

Animal classic jokes

Two frogs fell in love, married and gave birth to a clam ugly woman, the male frog saw the situation and said: Bitch, what's going on The female frog cried and said: His father, I had plastic surgery before I met you.

The young donkey asked the old donkey: why do we eat hay every day, while the cows all the time fine feed The old donkey sighed: we can't compare the masters, we rely on the legs to eat, people are relying on the chest to eat!

The duck and the crab race, together to the finish line, it is difficult to distinguish between the winner and the loser, the referee said: you come to a rock-paper-scissors it Duck angry: Damn, counting on me? I'm a cloth, he is always scissors.

The dog said to the bear: Marry me, you will be happy. The bear said: not married it, married to you will only have a dog and bear, I want to marry the cat, the birth of the panda that is honored it!

The old soft-shelled turtle molested mussels, was bitten, the old soft-shelled turtle dragged the mussels back and forth to crawl through the pain, the frog saw the admiration of: Boy, turtle brother mixed big, in and out of the briefcase are added.

The bees were chasing the butterflies, but the butterflies were married to snails. The bees do not understand: where is he better than me Butterfly replied: people at least have their own house, which is like you live in the dormitory .

1, there are times when public **** car, driving past a BMW, next to a high person on his side said: "Look, just past that is IBM."

2, a friend of mine in the Unicom internship, one day, an old man approached, head to face to the sentence. Give me a mobile card, okay?" Then my friend did not raise his head to say: "Master, someone to smash the scene!"

3, colleagues to see customers, may be nervous, a mouth is: "Mr. Liu Hello, may I ask your name ah?" I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person.

4, the former geography teacher is a man, especially violent, who talk or distracted up is a punch, but not to hit the girls, there is a new girl does not know, thought that equality between men and women, once she was in class stealing to see the cartoon, was found by the geography teacher, walked in front of her to come, there is no indication that the female students first scared of the face white, shouting: molestation ah. We geography teacher waterfall sweat.

5, a day windy, bike down a row, only to hear a student side car side: who's Mercedes pressed my BMW?

1 A day in heaven, a year on earth; eat a cigarette in heaven, the earth is seven or eight days.

2 I volunteered to fill in a **** three, the first two are Tsinghua University, at home, waiting for a month, did not wait for the enrollment notice, it is estimated that Tsinghua enrollment group to get my name out of the way, Peking University notice on the way to the other people's letter carrier lost.

3 Wow, brother less than twenty years old, can grow such a pair of mature face to, is also very rare, in the future will be able to become one of the pillars of the motherland mile.

4 I'm not afraid to look for bones, but I'm afraid that he has to look for eggs in the bones.

5 In this life, although I can not tell my parents to drive a car to send me to college, mother! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it in a couple of years," he said.

6 brother I was killed, put on fire, military, jailed, private, drug trafficking, tax evasion, take a coincidence of people, what things do not dare to do ah? For the brotherhood of two ribs, give up, no matter how high his building, eyes closed up and jumped down.

7 Four small three fried big monkey, waiting for you to come.

8 When I was in high school, I was a great talent in the class, piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, all proficient, piano, listening to others play piano on TV; chess, watching others play chess on TV; books, class peeking at the novels books; painting, class on the desk blind painting, is the school of a man in the wind.

9 You can call me a beast, but can not say that I am shameless, beasts also have dignity.

10 Do not believe that I do not believe in science, against I am against people sip.

11 You see those stars, thirty years old is more beautiful than twenty years old, forty years old and more beautiful than thirty years old, that is called the more you grow more beautiful, so I believe that in the next twenty years, I still have the possibility of becoming handsome, so many years, every night before going to bed, I firmly believe that the next morning when I woke up, I will become a little more handsome, but every time I waited until the next morning, it always called me disappointed. In these twenty years, constant disappointment has led to constant hope, and now I finally understand that a flawless face like mine is hard to surpass.

12 Nowadays, science is so developed, the male cut him off with a knife, for his chest rubbed and swollen up, it becomes a woman; women to her plus a small cut, and then two fists to her whacked flat, it becomes a man.

13 To be more than eating, no one has me fierce, because I am a man born for eating, eating is my second life.

14 Do not laugh at me thin, I am covered with muscles; do not look at my bladder fine, I have a lot of strength, those unusual little girls and boys, that is, three or five added up, I do not put in the eyes.

15 Wife should be changed from time to time, in order to have new ideas, passion, which successful man has not been divorced a few times ah? If you have not been divorced, it means you are not successful.

16 You are now depending on the money as dirt, beauty will see you as dirt. If you don't have the money, you may not be able to buy a house; if you can't buy a house, you may not be able to find a wife; if you can't find a wife, you won't be able to raise a son.

17 Like me such a talented young man, known as the 'girl killer', even if the street to ask for food, but also with a trip to the beauty of the audience, randomly grabbed one on the line, how can not find a wife?

18 I raised a son, must be the same as me, smart, a teaching will be, a moment on the pass, a pass on the fine, a fine on the forget.

19 If you can't make money in the future, your wife will scold you for not having any talent, and you may run away with a rich man; when your son grows up, he will also think that you are a loser.

20 I'm not afraid of the world, I'm not afraid of the world, I'm most afraid of only three things, the first one is afraid of his wife to run away with other people; the second is that my son grow up not as handsome as me; the third is afraid of my son grow up to look down on me.

21 When I was in junior high school, I was a very pure man, read too many novels, actually believe that there will be love in the world, the ambition is also very simple, is to do a noble man, even money, fame and fortune, in my eyes, even the dung is not as good as a life to do only three things, find a wife, raise a son, live a lifetime. Now I think this idea can be backward, to be corrected, let love go to hell, I want to find more mothers, raise more sons.

22 Mom and Dad's son! Before thirty, I have to buy at least three big houses, one in Beijing, one in Shanghai, and one in Guangzhou, each of which has to be at least 1,800 square meters, and I have to take out 150 square meters for the toilet, which is bigger than the whole set of other people's houses.

23 "Higher Mathematics" is "Higher Mathematics" for short, and high school math is a little different, high school math is to tell you that one plus one is equal to two, high math is to tell you why one plus one will be equal to two, it is a discipline that explores the depth of mathematics.

24 When I was in high school, as a science and chemistry class student, I hated five subjects, language, math, physics, chemistry, and one is English, and one of my favorite subjects is sports.

25 The soldier who doesn't want to be a general is not a good soldier; the son who doesn't want to be a father is not a good son.

26 There is no absolutely no colorful men in this world, those who develop normal men are roughly divided into three categories: the first kind of colorful heart and colorful gall bladder all have, but also have the money and power, it will be easy to spring to the sun; the second kind of colorful heart, no colorful gall bladder, usually can only be held in the heart; the third kind of men both colorful heart and colorful gall bladder, but unfortunately, their own conditions, can not get the heart of the opposite sex, this kind of men is the most dangerous, one accidentally commit a case, then you will not get the heart of the opposite sex, this kind of men is the most dangerous. One accidentally commit a case, into the prison to eat a pot of rice to go, more than ruined people, but also ruined themselves, more ruined two families.

27 I found a secret, although there is no adequate scientific basis, but I believe that the near future will certainly be scientifically confirmed, is that when you just look in the mirror, you will always feel that you are not very handsome, but do not be afraid, as long as you can not stop staring at the mirror for a few more minutes, you will gradually handsome, and look at the longer it will be the more handsome, you will be able to see if you look at the full quarter of an hour, will feel that there is nothing in the world more than you, you will not be able to see, and you will not be able to see, but you will not be able to see. If you look at a quarter of an hour, you will feel that there is no one in the world who is more handsome than you; if you look at half an hour, you will have a kind of feeling of being immortal; if you look at a full hour, you will feel that you have become a Buddha.

28 Recently, life is more comfortable, sleep to eleven in the morning, get up to eat a lunch; afternoon and then sleep, a sleep to five and a half, get up to eat dinner; eat dinner and then sleep, sleep until eleven o'clock in the morning of the next day, sleep is so tired ah, the skin does not get enough rest, the face is not very peaceful, small pimples are born, yesterday's brain came up with a " The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world, and then you'll be able to get your hands on some of the most popular products and services in the world.

29 I heard that an apple can kill more than 90% of the bacteria in the mouth when you eat it for a quarter of an hour, but how can you eat an apple for a quarter of an hour? At best, it's only three minutes, so I either don't eat, to eat a time to eat at least five.

30 You do not think that this is to buy fruit is a small thing, inside the learning can be big it, people have men and women, flowers divided into male and female, you have heard that the fruit is also divided into male and female? Have not heard of it, tell you, fruit and people, not only divided into male and female, but also divided into beautiful and ugly. I love female apples, and even more so the pretty ones. What's the point of eating male apples? It's like asking you to kiss your male classmates, would you want to? The first thing you need to do is to get your hands on a new one, and you'll be able to do that.

31 Good envy of those ancient people, you see others Jia Baoyu, day and night surrounded by girls, ten years old and the assault on the first clouds and rain love; look at me, when I was ten years old is in the third grade, and now almost twenty years old, or boy body it; say that the Kangxi Emperor, eight years old into a country of the king, fifteen or sixteen years old is in the hands of the power of; look at me, eight years old is still in the kindergarten class, fifteen or six years old only on the high school class it. Look at me, I'm still in kindergarten at eight, and I'm only in my first year of high school at fifteen or sixteen. It's great to be an emperor, to be able to marry 3,000 wives, happy as hell. Let me do some math first, like our school that girls dormitory building, a dormitory can live in six girls, a floor even if there are 20 dormitories, can live in one hundred and twenty, and then multiplied by a building of six floors, that is seven hundred and twenty, pro boy, three thousand wives, to four or five buildings to live under the mile. I don't expect to marry three thousand wives, too much can't afford it, as long as I can marry thirty, my life will be satisfied.

32 Regardless of what you do, you have to have a character, to be a person to have a character, to play ball to have a ball character, good color more to have a color character.

33 In the future, I have to become more dirty, not the most dirty, only more dirty.

34 If I were to gain sixty pounds and grow twenty-five centimeters taller, I would be able to be an international male model.

35 Butt point and click through, a good look easy.

36 If you have three or two people hiding in the room to see, it is called pornographic video; if you have three or five hundred people in the outdoor to see, it is called behavioral art; if you have the courage to take the TV station to play, it is called a fashion show.

37 Mother! When I have money later, I will buy a computer to play at home, a hundred and sixty records of the large hard disk, have to store his one hundred and twenty records of pornography can not be, nothing to watch slowly.

38 People in Europe and the United States are professional actors, only because they want to develop the female audience of this market, so the male protagonist is not only strong, and handsome, unlike those in Japan and South Korea, all the self-directed, male protagonists are very dirty, so that people feel a kind of feeling of being spoiled.

39 We Orientals and Westerners in the physical gap, it is really the sky gap, I have always been proud of, and now with the others than one, like a small monkey to see the big monkey, the end of the embarrassed to come up with a hand, alas! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do it," he said.

40 Ancient people are passionate about wine, food, flowers, beauty, I'm not greedy, do not dare to hope that all four have, I only need beauty is enough, but the beauty of how long it will be to throw themselves to the embrace? I climbed up to the high platform and shouted, "Where has the beauty gone?" Only to hear countless echoes came over: "shoot porn to go, shoot porn to go ......"

41 No money Mo talk about poor love, rich eighty can also come.

42 When you're strong, you're strong, when you're cheap, you're cheap, and when you're dealing with a bitch, you have to have a more cheap method.

43 I always thought I was a loud handsome man, handsome invincible, I did not expect this person is close to catching up with me, to see me very annoyed, straight to want to take the sulfuric acid to splash him.

44 I am most happy to visit the supermarket, I never buy things in the supermarket, and do not bring money, only with two eyes on enough, where there are a lot of beautiful women, more than can be counted, and this time can be a big feast for the eyes.

45 If you can't grab a seat in the car, I generally rejoice in standing at the back door, because although I'm not the first to get on the car, but I must be the first to get off the car.

46 Jeans wear tired, cut into seven pants to wear; seven pants wear tired, cut into big pants to wear; big pants wear tired, and then cut into denim triangle pants to wear.

You choose it yourself

OK?

Respondent: Say 520886 - Manager Grade 4 3-7 13:09

You use the computer 43000 divided by 96 will appear your name!

Responders: wwe1133551 - probationary period Grade 1 3-7 15:10

1 when I was a child to put TV series "Sleuth Hunt" and "Rascal Hunt", the yard a grandmother said: "Tonight the show is 'Das Rascal Hunt'." 。。。。。。

2 a not familiar with the colleagues and I chat, chat content boring to the extreme,, net talk about how he and his girlfriend, how it

I am speechless ,,,, to speak half a day, looked at me ,,,, meaning may be, he said so much, I should always state it ,,,,

A moment,, I really don't know what to say,,, out of turn surprisingly asked a sentence: You! The girl friend is a woman, right?

They were cold !!!!

3 junior high school when the teacher talked about ancient Babylonian civilization, when talking about the Sumerians, the history teacher was excited to speak into the "and the two river basins of the Shu and the United States", the spot laughs a big half

4 buy helmets together to eat, a man went up to the boss: boss, come to the two steel helmets!

(Good teeth, appetite is good, eat well.)

5 high school class there is a classmate called Huang Jiajian

One day the class did not come to the old class into the classroom to see his seat is empty

Asked a: Yi, Huang Jiajian people?

The class laughed and later called him Huang Jia bitch.

6 former exam teacher issued a paper, the back of the girl took one more, shouting "teacher, I have, I have" results sitting next to him said the boys "is my, is my" class burst cold ~ ~ ~

7 two years ago in the factory dry, one day I went with my master (in fact, older than me 1 year) to the branch office, the material clerk is a forty most of the older sister, surnamed Dong. After finishing the job, my master was very polite and wanted to say, "Sister Dong, let's go. The result was: "I understand. "

8~Another time, I went to buy breakfast, queuing up to find that the usually unsmiling boss is also in the queue, so very nervous, after greeting, and drummed up the courage to say to the chef: "Master trouble to come to a cup of buns, two tits!" ~

~~~~ woo~~ two years for the first time to hear the boss laugh so loud ~ ~ ~ ~ depressed ~ ~ ~

9 friends children half a year old, call to care, pleasantries, after a couple of sentences, came a sentence: your child is now eating human milk or your milk

10 one day in the evening, ran into an acquaintance, opened his mouth, said: "Good morning ah! "...

11Evening, a roommate came into the room and loudly announced, "Today I watched the midnight version of American Homicide! "

12The other day I went to buy a watermelon and heard someone asking the melon seller: does your watermelon have a skin?

13 a farmer in the field yard sunshine wheat, a few chickens to peck, the farmer sweep, chicken scratch, and then sweep again scratch, can not stand it, cursed: "you these bad things, I scratch, you sweep, I scratch, you sweep."

14 one day to go shopping, urinary urgency, found ahead of an Internet cafe, rushed into the door to the network manager shouted: you thatched toilet in which ~?

15 in the cafeteria to buy food, saw the long desired tofu skin, an excited and waiter said, to a potato skin, the surrounding people are stunned.

16 due to a business opportunity, to go somewhere in the Bank of China maintenance equipment, from the hotel out of the cab to do on the female driver said: "to the Bank of China, by the way, looking for a hardware store to buy a knife," Khan! At that time I meant to buy a screwdriver, I did not notice that I said wrong, then the female driver has been looking at me very aggrieved, said: "Brother I'm going to get off work, you re-taxi it". At that time I was very angry, viciously said: "You want to get off work in the hotel parking what car ah! The female driver looked at me about to collapse and said: "Brother that after buying a knife I do not want the car money you find another one it" Halo! This is to know that I said wrong, hurried to explain half a day, and now think about it all feel sorry for others female drivers.

17Politics teacher once said: "I give an analogy below", and then felt that it is not right, and then said: "an example"

18Remember "Han Wu Da Di" inside

Zhang Qian from the Western region back, brought new materials for iron making The new material, which was used for the production of iron.

Zhang Qian came back from the Western Region with new materials for making iron

Bringing a good sword, Liu Che brought it to Li Guang

Li Guang kept repeating:

Your Majesty, a good sword, Your Majesty, a good sword ......

Speechless... ...

19 really good donkey as a heart lung

20 junior high school, the teacher called the translation Whoisthisman?

A student translation: This is who is the man? The class laughed, the teacher was speechless

21 Last time I went to McDonald's, said to the sales clerk: to come to a bag of potato chips, they said no. I said, what store ah even potato chips. I said, what kind of store ah even potato chips are not, said turned around and walked away.

22 midterm exams, even behind the girl on the table there is a pants shaped pencil bag, I turned around, the pencil bag fell, I said: "MM your pants fell"

23 remembered the road meets a dog, the side MM surprised yelled: ah, that tail no dog!

23 sun too ass

24 remember when I was a child to buy a toy gun loaded with round plastic bullets, directly to the toy store grandfather said: buy a pack of the original (round) bullets!

25 A classmate explained to me how to call a certain inquiry number.

I wanted to ask if the person answering the phone was a real person or a voice, but I said, "Is the person answering the phone a live person or a dead person?"

1 A coworker asked me: is Clinton's wife Chirac?

2 Once I borrowed money from someone, I was going to say "when I get the money to pay you back"

said "when I have the money to take you"

Sweat

3 A student named Yu Jingbo, a day to the letter, the dormitory Doorman at the door of the dormitory shouted: dry cold skin, dry cold skin letter!

4 Our language teacher: please turn the book to 120 dollars

The whole class is dizzy, after the teacher was nicknamed "financial fan" Oh

5 Once a friend at home to watch the DVD, the CD-ROM quality is not good. The friend said: "How so many Marx ah." It took a long time to realize that he was talking about Masek!

6 A buddy got married and gave him a red envelope. Buddy politely said no

I said: that's not good, once a year, you must take.

7 junior high school role-playing reading "White-haired Girl"

A boy (Yang Bailao): pulled two pounds of red head rope, give me Xi'er tied up ......

Teacher: and not wrapped mummy ...

8 偶打饭的时候，执执执的指指着菜花 said: come a portion of potatoes.

The mom asked: cauliflower?

The woman asked again: Is it potatoes or cauliflower?

It's not a potato... Uh, cauliflower?

What's more depressing is that the owner of the store actually understood ......

10 In college, there was a girl named Liu Yun in our class. Once, a student from another class sent her a letter. On the envelope of her "Yun" word in the lower part of the "cloud" above a cross, because the writing is too scribbled, cross into a point. As a result, the student took the letter and called out in our hallway, "Liu Mang, who is called Liu Mang, there is a letter for you." All the people in the building came out to see Liu Mang. As a result, the girl called Liu Yun was helplessly called a hooligan for four years.

11 There was a time when the house was haunted by rats, and my mom bought rat medicine to maintain family peace, but a rat was not drugged down. One day early in the morning, my mom got up and looked at the door in the nook of the rat medicine, muttering to herself, "This medicine how no one ate ah? ~~~The whole family fainted.

12 English teacher to teach grammar, before the end of the class asked everyone: "I have finished, everyone still understand it?" We answered in unison: "No more!"

13 Raise your glass to invite the moon, lower your head to think of your hometown.

14 Once in the heat of the day to play mahjong, a sudden blackout, had to buy a candle to continue to fight. After half an hour, it is too hot to bear, a person said: "or open the electric fan, hot." Another person interface: "can not open, open the candle will be blown out."

15 As the saying goes: kill and set fire to a man, and pay his debts.

16 The teacher in physics class talked about radioactive elements and said: radioactive elements are dangerous, you humans must stay away from it!

17 Eat grapes on the spit grape skin

18 In the company received a phone call, is a clothing company sales, and kept saying that to a certain large company has done uniform clothing and so on. I caught the other side of the speech gap, mouth: "Our company uniform is not dressed!"

The other party said quietly for a few seconds, "I'm sorry to bother you" and hung up.

19 Our university teacher: I want to find a man and a woman three students ......

The class began to look around, looking for Li Yuchun.

20 Evening self-study back to the dormitory, the road met a sky fairy mm, so tailed

have been trying to accost, but have no guts to go forward, until the sky fairy mm is about to walk into the girls' building

Teeth clenched, stride forward, and loudly asked the mm: students, may I ask you are a woman?

Later ...... later I enjoyed the Tian Xian mm two years of blank stares

21 Deng theory class, the teacher impassioned surging: how many heroes and children, entangled in the underground ......

22 The graduation work of the same students is to use the big The student's graduation work was made of a large red cloth in the shape of a phoenix sewn onto a black robe-like garment.

The teacher at the defense asked why the phoenix should be red and not another color?

The student was so excited that he blurted out: because the phoenix burns with fire! (presumably to say the fire reborn). 3 seconds later, to see the defense of the students laughed wildly, I laughed at the stomach twisted!

23 Junior high school teacher called the memorization of Mulan resignation (the teacher is more BT), nervous

... A brother heard sister to come, sharpening the knife to father and mother (pig and sheep) .......

The whole class laughed out loud, and I also laughed at myself, but I forgot all about it, so I'm glad the teacher didn't penalize me!

24 Help LP buy WSJ, the results to the store look half a day do not know what to buy, so just take a packet and ask the owner: "Boss, this is good to use?" The owner (a man) looked at me blankly for 5 seconds and said, "I haven't used this one either!"

25 When I was a kid, my dad watched me write. There was a very simple word written wrong, dad laughed and said to my mom, "I found your son is very stupid." I got anxious and said loudly to my dad, "Your son is the one who is stupid!" -_-b

26 The army comes to cover the earth, the water comes to block

27 My mom once went to the bank to pay the water bill. After paying the money, the banker said, "You don't have enough money, there's a second page here, you have to pay this one too.

My mom: what is the second page

Staff: sewage

My mom: my family never drink sewage.

My mom: I never drink sewage in my house.