The so-called material foundation determines the superstructure, and only when you are full can you have the strength to dream. The wisdom in proverbs is consistent with the later research of psychologist Maslow. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, people should first meet their most basic needs, and then consider higher-level needs.

If a person doesn't even have enough to eat, then he won't pursue "love", let alone dedicate himself.

The life of a pine nut I don't like tells the story of a pine nut who grew up in a big family and devoted his life. Shortly after pine nuts were born, there was another sickly sister at home. The birth of this younger sister focused his father's attention on her.

Pine nut once made a face, which made her sad father laugh, and then she often made faces to tease her father. The little girl who didn't get love from her father learned to love her father without a teacher.

The tragedy of pine nuts began. Because of her persistent personality, everyone likes her, but this pine nut seems to be making the wrong choice every step, and every love she has is in danger. Her lover said that pine nuts are gods who can forgive unforgivable people and love them.

Pine nuts that put other people's needs before their own are a kind of dedicated personality. As Carnegie said:

Psychologically speaking, a child's character growth is usually related to his family background. In the movie, there was a scene in which Matsuko made a face when he was a child to amuse his father. As a child, Matsuko needed her father's love very much, but she was neglected by her father in this big family. It's not pine nuts' fault that they can't get their father's smile.

Pine nuts who can't get dad's smile feel that they don't have dad's love. As we all know, children's growth needs the love of their parents, and children without love will ask for it in various ways, while "sensible" pine nuts did not fight for it in the way of children, but chose the opposite way to their own identity-teasing their father.

Let's analyze the interaction between father and pine nuts. Pine nuts can't see his father's smiling face, but his father will only smile in front of his sister to comfort her.

After making a face, Matsuko's father smiled. She thought she had been "loved" by her father. Smiling makes people feel happy, and love also makes people feel happy. Pine nuts gave her face and made her father laugh, thinking that she was loved. This is a wrong association.

On the father and pine nuts, the parent-child relationship is opposite. We always think that parents' love for their children is unconditional, but in the interaction between pine nuts and their father, they pay pine nuts.

Father's smile in response to pine nuts is passive. He never offered pine nuts his love. The love of pine nuts is never satisfied. It can be said that pine nuts love father more than father loves pine nuts.

Father may be aware of pine nuts' devotion to himself, and he will respond to pine nuts with a smile every time he makes a face. The long-term inverted parent-child relationship has caused a cognitive deviation in Matsuko's heart: he regards the process of giving himself as a kind of love.

Freud thought:

The unfortunate love life behind pine nuts comes from this. In every relationship of Matsuko, every relative and friend thinks Matsuko is a good man, a good man who can sacrifice himself for others.

Adult pine nuts are repeating their childhood interactions with their fathers. Because Matsuko didn't get enough love from her family, her cognition of communication stayed in her childhood, and she thought that if she wanted to be loved by others, she had to give herself.

In Life, Mo Bosang tells the story of a young lady who only attended a missionary school. After she got married, she was infinitely tolerant of her husband and children. In the missionary school, she only learned to give and be kind. Her father said to her:

Jonah's education was all dedication and kindness. She never learned how to love herself. This kind of education is called superego education.

"superego education is to make children obey social rules, suppress their inner" id "consciousness and only allow them to accept moral principles. But I don't care much about how to adapt to social life and how to analyze and solve problems. "

Her father's "superego education" made Jonah a kind person in pain. Jonah put up with her husband spending all his money and cheating again and again because of his kindness. In order to match her kindness and pain, she thinks that the reason for her husband's infidelity is herself. With Jonah's connivance, her husband hurt Jonah again and again.

At the same time, Jona pinned her hopes on her son, but she made the same mistake as her son, who loved her children too much and made her a selfish "parasite" parasitic on herself. The kind Jonah turned everyone around her into a "victim" and herself into their "victim".

1. Parents who were unhappy in childhood should make peace with their past.

Many parents are used to giving and will educate their children to be a "dedicated" personality. Children's growth is inseparable from the guidance and example of their parents. In their daily life, we should not let our own tragedies repeat themselves on children.

Otherwise, the child is likely to be like Jonah. A saint with only "superego" can't live a good life, and it is likely to attract a group of "evildoers" and make children's lives distorted and painful.

2. Teach children to love themselves.

Teach children to appreciate themselves and know that they deserve to be loved, instead of giving themselves for the love of others. While appreciating your own advantages, you should also tolerate your own shortcomings. Children should know that there are no "perfect" people in the world, and we don't have to dedicate ourselves and suppress ourselves in order to become "perfect" people in the eyes of others.

Many people see themselves in pine nuts, but few people notice that dedicated people are extremely loveless when they grow up. The root of tragedy lies in loving others more than yourself.

Fromm said: "Giving itself is incomparable happiness." But we can't indulge in it. We have to love ourselves to have the ability to love others continuously. Without rational dedication, you will eventually become a "victim" and people around you will become greedy "injurers".