When it comes to the topic of "talking", one person left a deep impression on me-Cai Kangyong, who has a glib mouth.
Xiao S once commented: "Chatting with Kang will never be stabbed. He will be elated because of one or two small praises attached to him, but it feels so real and not slippery that it is hard not to love."
Students who have seen Kangxi Coming should be familiar with Cai Kangyong. He is a gold medal host, and his combination partner with Xiao S is even more talked about. In the program, Cai Kangyong can easily use language to solve the embarrassment, although Xiao S often says "making trouble". Cai Kangyong is an attractive person in everyone's eyes because he is good at talking.
So, what does talking mean? If you are "glib" or "glib", can you talk? In Cai Kangyong's view, in fact, few words can leave a deep impression on people. On some special occasions, what we need is listening instead of talking. "Look at each other in the eyes and take them to heart" is the way to talk.
Cai Kangyong said that practicing oral English is the most cost-effective thing.
In the book "Cai Kangyong's Way of Speaking", he provided 80 cases and summarized his speaking experience by taking many daily pictures such as life and workplace as examples. He summarized three voice applications:
First of all, how to impress people with language?
Cai Kangyong wrote in the book: Make yourself attractive in the future.
"impress people with words" is not "flattering", but adding some materials to your speech, or leaving some suspense, or enriching information, or looking for topics that are most likely to resonate with everyone, such as food, which may bring a doorknob to the door of communication.
He gave an example, "Kangxi came" opening:
If he directly says that this is a well-paid job introduction, boiled water will make the audience feel bored. But he said: Look, there are 10 young people sitting opposite Xiao S. They don't seem to be tortured badly, but why are their monthly wages five times that of their peers?
Impress people with interesting suspense, which is Cai Kangyong's speech experience.
Second, how to avoid embarrassment by speaking.
"Silence" is the most common and unwilling conversation scene for many people. In order to avoid embarrassment, Cai Kangyong used the method of "testing the water temperature" to solve the embarrassment, and he could give a "Tai Chi" response.
What does this mean? In fact, the reason is very simple, that is, to find out what news the other party is interested in.
Sensitive things that people are eager to be praised are best intervened by insensitive things to resolve embarrassment, sometimes just to find a step. For example, a classmate wrote a novel and asked for your evaluation. On time, you are embarrassed to say that the writing is not good. At this time, you can ask the author about a plot or a character of the novel, so that you don't need positive evaluation, and you can solve the embarrassment of being invited to evaluate.
Third, how to achieve mutual understanding through speaking.
To achieve a high-level speech, you need to stay up all night, understand each other and feel the same. However, empathy is also exquisite, which is reflected in the nuances of life. For example, the sentence "Thank you" contains profound knowledge.
For example, saying "thank you" to the waiter who brought water in a restaurant is different from saying "thank you" to the person who lent you 6,543,800 yuan in despair.
Cai Kangyong also pointed out that empathy has a special situation, that is, when others are angry, crying and seeking comfort, they should never say: I know how you feel. Pain can only be truly understood by personal experience. If we say "I know how you feel", it is wrong. At this time, we just need to listen, not talk.
I have read many books that teach people to talk, but I teach skills. Professor Cai Kangyong's way of speaking. The core of Tao lies in figuring out the relationship between oneself and others through speaking, and more importantly, figuring out what kind of person you are. He raised his speech to the philosophical level, which was more interesting.